tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61160785914279522112024-02-18T20:59:09.422-05:00Shelby BraveShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.comBlogger187125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-67495928776974807492023-01-10T01:22:00.180-05:002023-01-10T12:26:33.188-05:00HE IS IN YOUR BOAT<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-54b8c22a-7fff-c4eb-04e3-91ac932542a8" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hey Fam! </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wrote the following in January of 2020 for my friend Dora’s website. With no idea of what was to come. </span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">The original website this was published on no longer exists and I wanted it to have a place in this world. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">At the end you will find a little add on to the original piece. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also… if you’ve been around here for any time at all you know that I hate commas and usually write everything in lower case unless i am super EXCITED about something. But because this was originally for someone else’s publication I had to pretend I liked all of those things for a moment. May the Good Lord bless my attempt at being a grammatically correct writer for this time. Amen. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNl7S_DCaTpEYvXQgrqdO5LwP9RKK_46IO1uJybbOX-3YZri84ZbWjBo2K_iNW0Xv3nZab2EqcunYxDMsxqWez85hLdLCydC1CBapmWVEW5nB-YkJDWYo45c0uOUL9H6NAsVWI_1kxw0HFe4GyRDJ5Kwh1ZMynXhLwQS9uRkYfh8ViOSTkCYZF-5UodA/s1242/4F13A826-F044-407C-9C05-6D3E5712B5E4.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1215" data-original-width="1242" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNl7S_DCaTpEYvXQgrqdO5LwP9RKK_46IO1uJybbOX-3YZri84ZbWjBo2K_iNW0Xv3nZab2EqcunYxDMsxqWez85hLdLCydC1CBapmWVEW5nB-YkJDWYo45c0uOUL9H6NAsVWI_1kxw0HFe4GyRDJ5Kwh1ZMynXhLwQS9uRkYfh8ViOSTkCYZF-5UodA/s320/4F13A826-F044-407C-9C05-6D3E5712B5E4.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have always felt close to Jesus by the water. The majestic rolling waves and the cool salty breezes calm me. The sounds of seagulls and laughter somehow have a way of helping me focus. The sunshine beams on my face as I walk barefoot on the warm sand, and right there beside me is the One who spoke water into existence. My Savior. There is something about the closeness there that brings healing and hope. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel Him when I’m not by the water. He still meets me in my room, church, or when I’m having a breakdown in my car because sometimes life is just hard. But there is something about meeting Him near the water that is Holy, like He planned for it. He knew I would need to come and find rest with Him, and He knew exactly where would be best. </span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the summer of 1992 some friends of ours sent my little family to their beach house for a week. We were at the tail end of a life-changing year, and needed an escape. I had been born extremely premature the previous July, and the past 11 months had been exhausting. We had weathered a storm, and needed to experience stillness. They sent us to a tiny town in North Carolina, called Sunset Beach. The first time I was there my dad carried me in a sling as he walked up and down the shore, holding me tight to his chest. This beach would become our second home, our respite, the place we would go to after hard years to rest. It seems that the Lord always planned it perfectly. No matter what storms we were experiencing as a family, somehow we always ended up back at the beach and it always brought healing. Because, for me anyways, when I stepped onto that sand He reminded me that I had nothing to be afraid of, and that no matter how big the storm, He was always in control.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Jxf6IIhfdKILTmBWFjxTJDEtAGyA_rdEl81e5Ny4iuKcSCxdB8Mh6ai9zg1M3Vz9k8v5jpeZsbRiztB04OHKcpCmtGhChEBNoyTYase0AYdEkfTlqfWqJDI9MWzwzABxIrcSuTIvSjLq2ckJW4V7gqsmFpGq8BDK8mAA75XJk3haKf61Qk7-S3ACrQ/s1228/64DF6DFC-B2E6-4453-9450-B149F4CB6B2C.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1228" data-original-width="1204" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Jxf6IIhfdKILTmBWFjxTJDEtAGyA_rdEl81e5Ny4iuKcSCxdB8Mh6ai9zg1M3Vz9k8v5jpeZsbRiztB04OHKcpCmtGhChEBNoyTYase0AYdEkfTlqfWqJDI9MWzwzABxIrcSuTIvSjLq2ckJW4V7gqsmFpGq8BDK8mAA75XJk3haKf61Qk7-S3ACrQ/s320/64DF6DFC-B2E6-4453-9450-B149F4CB6B2C.jpeg" width="314" /></a></div><br /><p></p></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><p style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the book of Matthew a story is told about Jesus calming a ferocious storm. Matthew 8: 23-27 [Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”] </span></p></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some of my favorite words come from the Jesus Storybook Bible. By Sally Lloyd Jones. [“Why were you scared? He asked, “Did you forget who I am? Did you believe your fears instead of me?”] </span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So often we forget to believe in the One who can calm the storm. We allow our fearfulness to take over and the Truth of who our Savior is seems to be washed overboard. We forget WHO He is and what He is capable of. Why is it so easy to forget? I wish to be someone who remembers. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyH9cFMXn7InL-W4hMFrQEcVkCmMbqn8PhOAhOkqahZGC3_I3UD4WqGkAgrZixT6Nr6tGZYp2LRiqZdaXFq2TXimCU7tIIuZIwXe3IpRBArbMTh3JycSWQ6IRzFfJOe-eICjpDUyopy9iJ8lqyspDQjRDZfds24I2IU06gRM8USQUWrGiJSMDbi2kwg/s1242/44BE7209-5D86-46DB-B9FF-B793093A25B6.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1223" data-original-width="1242" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyH9cFMXn7InL-W4hMFrQEcVkCmMbqn8PhOAhOkqahZGC3_I3UD4WqGkAgrZixT6Nr6tGZYp2LRiqZdaXFq2TXimCU7tIIuZIwXe3IpRBArbMTh3JycSWQ6IRzFfJOe-eICjpDUyopy9iJ8lqyspDQjRDZfds24I2IU06gRM8USQUWrGiJSMDbi2kwg/s320/44BE7209-5D86-46DB-B9FF-B793093A25B6.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the most part I think people focus on the miracle of Jesus calming the storm when they read this story. But recently, I have been wondering how Jesus was sleeping during the storm. He was experiencing true rest despite the chaos, and I have begun to dig deep into what true rest really means. That stormy day in the boat, Jesus rested. So, why is it so hard for us to rest? Why is it hard to trust that He will control the storm? But most of all, what does it really mean for us to rest in His presence? I am still trying to answer all of these. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have “rested” a lot in my life – or rather – recovered. Growing up with a rare genetic disorder and a brain tumor brought many sick days. Probably more than we could ever count. So I decided long ago that I must be good at rest. When you spend days in bed, and weeks hanging out in recliners in the living room feeling like junk, when you have the lineup of good shows memorized, and could win an award for sleep champion – you assume that you know how to rest. Well, apparently I was very wrong. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB36uCgaRtnuQAqsgRtCH4IZ1-EWLXAX-UqKEydHZ1ENW9uKu6xIsP-q7oiuGhcN3Bnmoql3ToUd2cU4500mukkhDZdaZOAZaE3g5MZa-W8Cpx4pQkV8s3361hv_jmE9MAnZZTl0w0hqS8V6ctNclxfWqfAKiPD_BR37z5nDXDUYabb1dFkwtjydi7TQ/s1224/AE0C121F-911F-4F63-8F5E-3C139B4AD2F9.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1224" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB36uCgaRtnuQAqsgRtCH4IZ1-EWLXAX-UqKEydHZ1ENW9uKu6xIsP-q7oiuGhcN3Bnmoql3ToUd2cU4500mukkhDZdaZOAZaE3g5MZa-W8Cpx4pQkV8s3361hv_jmE9MAnZZTl0w0hqS8V6ctNclxfWqfAKiPD_BR37z5nDXDUYabb1dFkwtjydi7TQ/s320/AE0C121F-911F-4F63-8F5E-3C139B4AD2F9.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I read this story in Matthew last month, I was awestruck by something that never occurred to me. Jesus was resting in the boat because he KNEW that the Father was trustworthy and He was safe in the Father’s arms. And when the disciples were afraid He was confused because HE WAS IN THE BOAT, and out of anyone in the whole world they should have known that He was trustworthy. They were safe in His arms. So friends :: I need you to hear me when I say this! Ok? JESUS IS IN YOUR BOAT! No matter how big the storm He is trustworthy! You are safe in His arms! My goodness. It makes me cry my eyes out. He has you! Do not forget who He is! Do not believe your fears instead of Him! </span><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTGIw9oOihhu7p3lxA3OJ3qcT8eOL7uz-bTq4jd0alWPngJ9BRAWrusus7qDtE7nsNjaxOpuQEf_NDwi9WWDvWbmmTVy0D0Kbe9Mgj2LJxtVR1uINRGCS-ufP6fABZVwD7LdMp6Zhk-X7T2aehZhy371te9Yae-TpO3QP8MQLmeZBldH1dSC5P68YYsQ/s3024/96EE0748-848B-44EB-AFD8-1DA63E67203A.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTGIw9oOihhu7p3lxA3OJ3qcT8eOL7uz-bTq4jd0alWPngJ9BRAWrusus7qDtE7nsNjaxOpuQEf_NDwi9WWDvWbmmTVy0D0Kbe9Mgj2LJxtVR1uINRGCS-ufP6fABZVwD7LdMp6Zhk-X7T2aehZhy371te9Yae-TpO3QP8MQLmeZBldH1dSC5P68YYsQ/s320/96EE0748-848B-44EB-AFD8-1DA63E67203A.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t remember a time in my life when Jesus wasn’t in my boat, with His father, my God right beside us. He met me in the NICU on that hot July afternoon in 1991 and has been beside me for all of my days. My life has been far from normal. I have overcome far more than most people do, and yet some days I feel the need to get ready to take on the next battle. Which is a terrible way to live, I suppose it is just my defense mechanism. Always be ready for the worst-case scenario. I learned long ago that if I prepared for the worst, when the best came rejoicing was easy. The doctors told my parents on the day I was born that I would never make it out of the NICU, but exactly two months later I came home. The doctors told us I would need oxygen and a feeding tube for the rest of my life. They said that I would never walk or talk, or live a normal life. They said all this, and so much more. It seemed they lived in a world of “impossible” but my parents lived in a world of “possible with God.” </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhtXqGLZT8jYledJg3vhJRkioR0GFUciMRRt6WrRDS3SPR2siYq29E71J3_hAtMpzzMoRWyJFBFe5pv608vPQr_vx-mSBJnQVaierXHpexebDh61Ii0KPV_49DfylER6PthdhbsJPfidUShO5tzYe0OCHL7AeFc9OzP3Yf2Uk0ad8M7IImz38t_U9Rg/s1600/C371738F-4AA6-4A78-83B2-889D3DAE2739.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhtXqGLZT8jYledJg3vhJRkioR0GFUciMRRt6WrRDS3SPR2siYq29E71J3_hAtMpzzMoRWyJFBFe5pv608vPQr_vx-mSBJnQVaierXHpexebDh61Ii0KPV_49DfylER6PthdhbsJPfidUShO5tzYe0OCHL7AeFc9OzP3Yf2Uk0ad8M7IImz38t_U9Rg/s320/C371738F-4AA6-4A78-83B2-889D3DAE2739.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder, when I was 9 and endured years of surgeries, growth hormone shots, and enough pokes and prods and scans to last a million lifetimes. I missed a lot of school, couldn’t play the sports I would have loved to play, had a learning disability, and to be honest, things just came harder to me than most people. But then, the big kahuna, the mic drop, it came out of nowhere. I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and ended up having a 22 hour life saving and life changing operation. Every moment mattered though friends. Every single moment my Savior was in my boat. No matter how big the storm, He was with me. From battling bronchitis, to deciding to be brave for brain surgery, He was there. How thankful I am! </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDd99xs3eOjz_bLsOdA6AqbiW_T9L4coXq9OY1zcQvMCVywVi6IXIlkvPjKJ1EMkqIAYGuo947Ttp9HCgxfS-lq0nWZfhPU1QRt7CBcFZbxlEOoG9unIfgZIjhAhKoaV4CjVow5i0NZFAIEz3pS66LfqlYwIId4qdRw5qzZWrQQ8NITZpKRJ25TPJ6g/s1209/343D66E6-8B5C-435F-B224-0A1C37683E74.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1193" data-original-width="1209" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDd99xs3eOjz_bLsOdA6AqbiW_T9L4coXq9OY1zcQvMCVywVi6IXIlkvPjKJ1EMkqIAYGuo947Ttp9HCgxfS-lq0nWZfhPU1QRt7CBcFZbxlEOoG9unIfgZIjhAhKoaV4CjVow5i0NZFAIEz3pS66LfqlYwIId4qdRw5qzZWrQQ8NITZpKRJ25TPJ6g/s320/343D66E6-8B5C-435F-B224-0A1C37683E74.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This past winter I have felt called into a season of intentional rest. It has come to my attention that it is difficult to truly rest. My soul seems to be craving the water. I am longing for the beauty that life holds while at the beach, and the hand of my Savior to walk me along the shore. And yet I feel called to be still, right where I am. Which oddly enough happens to be in negative degree weather in Alaska. No sand, no warmth, and only ice cold water. Ice water is harder to navigate than lukewarm saltwater. Snow seems harder to rest in than sunshine. And intentional rest is surprisingly much more difficult than taking a nap because you don’t feel good. But the Lord is still near. He hasn’t left. He is simply waiting for me to grab His hand so He can help me navigate this season.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I close my eyes and ask the Lord to show me what He thinks of me and what His plans for my life are, I try to imagine my beach. It is windy and warm. The waves are crashing, and He is asking me to trust Him. “Keep your eyes on me, Shelby Elyse. Do you trust me? I have you. Hold my hand, I’ll go with you. I’m in your boat, you can trust me, and you are safe!” It’s like when I was a little girl and my dad would play baseball in the backyard with me. “Keep your eye on the ball Shelby. Stop getting distracted sweet girl. Just look right at me and watch it come all the way in. You’ll never miss.” Only my precious Savior is saying “Keep your eyes on ME Shelby. Stop getting distracted. LOOK AT ME. LOOK SO YOU CAN SEE WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU. Take my hand and I’ll walk you through this, no matter how stormy it gets, I have you. Look right at me and you’ll never miss it.”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY8TpUz57tyaHgmJ6DUU-x4u09g0Ef6xpycBS3jhia4qF16r5r2VhEe_XCp3IBHdlFDySNTovkVAhWe62XvLOYAc8K1VHBVojiiiChptY7aCQ9rYwkbJhrgHmQ6wdU_mr2QLJoCTdYRMO7NS24MQVW74m0PiTs0q1hWJsxKJBbglLs57-Xi9bAsiwiXw/s3024/2047E995-C6F1-45E3-B8BB-8F296159484C.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY8TpUz57tyaHgmJ6DUU-x4u09g0Ef6xpycBS3jhia4qF16r5r2VhEe_XCp3IBHdlFDySNTovkVAhWe62XvLOYAc8K1VHBVojiiiChptY7aCQ9rYwkbJhrgHmQ6wdU_mr2QLJoCTdYRMO7NS24MQVW74m0PiTs0q1hWJsxKJBbglLs57-Xi9bAsiwiXw/s320/2047E995-C6F1-45E3-B8BB-8F296159484C.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been almost 5 years since we went to that little beach in North Carolina. Weddings, moving across the country and more has kept us away. And yet my soul continually craves to be back as soon as possible. I want to walk towards that pier with God. I long to put my toes in the water and watch as the waves carry the sand from beneath them. There is something sacred about that place. There always will be. But for now: I will continue to meet God right where I am. I will sit in my comfy chair with my favorite blanket, my bible, and my journal, I will talk to Him the same way I do at the beach. For now, this is my safe place; it’s just a little bit colder. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Ending from January 2020 … keep reading dear ones! </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdDZiBsregbCoxZzmmPtFMDxzRdkTVCEPoxuW0A6F-jrwxZCfpq66f6sc49Pd_ACcnrLRdU2L3JP9OAP6BTh19cv3bZ6j9TwelVrEKDdhsqVZ9AhZRMFNyV215ls3djLKy4dpASmp5MFoFj-MzDFJlU6IdmUSYZNWsDOgu4fkTfB_yjzGsvRO9IQfXg/s1242/DD061FC0-EACF-42C1-9C3B-0D0873098D32.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1218" data-original-width="1242" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdDZiBsregbCoxZzmmPtFMDxzRdkTVCEPoxuW0A6F-jrwxZCfpq66f6sc49Pd_ACcnrLRdU2L3JP9OAP6BTh19cv3bZ6j9TwelVrEKDdhsqVZ9AhZRMFNyV215ls3djLKy4dpASmp5MFoFj-MzDFJlU6IdmUSYZNWsDOgu4fkTfB_yjzGsvRO9IQfXg/s320/DD061FC0-EACF-42C1-9C3B-0D0873098D32.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">EDITED January of 2023…</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I wrote the piece you just read I had no clue of what was to come, and neither did the world. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am sure that I could write millions of words about everything that occurred the past few years. I am sure you could as well. It seems as if the whole world changed forever. I have journeyed through some rough waters with the Lord for the past few years. Within days of this original post being published about intentional rest before the Father the world went into lockdown. The irony of that was not lost on me. Then, I left Alaska in the fall of 2020 with intention of moving to Southern California to nanny my newborn niece. I had prayed for months and months and never really got an “answer.” But I begged Him “stop me if I’m wrong…” and He didn’t stop me. So I packed up and went. Within days of leaving everything that was to be imploded. It was heartbreaking to say the least. By no ones fault every plan was obliterated. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">The circumstances were out of our control in every way imaginable and I ended up back in Ohio accidentally. I felt like God had tricked me. Why didn’t He stop me? Why did He let me leave this land that I loved? Why would He have me say goodbye to my second family? Mandy and Shane, the 4 littles and their home was my safe haven in Alaska. Why would He have me leave that for nothing? Why would He make me leave my church? My life that I had so bravely built from scratch? My little group of close friends and my job that I really loved? It was excruciating … to be honest some days it still is. It is the craziest juxtaposition of my life to not feel home in my home town. Some days I wonder if it’s just because I long for heaven, or if I was just really wrong to leave Alaska? Just after the Lord had asked me to rest everything was chaotic. Was this some big test? Or some big joke? Or is it just life? I wish I knew. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">I honestly still don’t know the POINT of all of it … It could be years before I do … I might not ever know until Glory. But I can tell you this sweet friends :: the God of the universe is still here with me, still asking me to trust Him. “Stop getting distracted Shelby! Keep those brown eyes on Me. I have you.” </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">And to be really honest, it has been really uncomfortable. I have been so distracted, and my big brown eyes that my earthly dad gave me have NOT always been focused on my Forever Father. It has been so uncomfortable that I stopped writing basically altogether because what the heck was I going to say? No one really would want to read about what felt like my life completely crumbling, right? That I still don’t know what I was created for, and my purpose feels railroaded, and I am just really frustrated? I thought I was supposed to write and speak and tell my story … but If I didn’t know how to tell this part, how would I tell the other parts? Was I supposed to tell you that it felt like me and God were in a fight? The kind where He was ready to talk and I wasn’t? The kind where I scream at God in my car YOU TRICKED ME! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME DUDE! THIS IS THE WORST! </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Was I supposed to tell you that everything fell apart but He was still so good? Because it didn’t feel like that. Yes, I know what they say about feelings. I believed He was good. I just didn’t feel it. On really hard days I would make lists in my phone to remember the times He showed up. Because right now it didn’t feel like He was showing up. Or maybe I just lost sight of Him for a moment? </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the midst of my plans to move completely unraveling, my heart had been broken in new ways. Unrequited love is a real bummer. The movies don’t prepare you for it, for when he doesn’t choose you and you just have to get over it. Heartbreak is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Friendships changing is unsettling. I am a ride or die, go down with the ship, cradle to grave kind of friend. I don’t do lukewarm relationships and if I love you I love you for life. And unfortunately when people grow up, and get married and start families, things change and I don’t handle it well. And oh my heart having someone die just sucks. But when he is the one who came to the hospital the day I was born to pray over me because they said I only had a 2% chance to make it through the night. When he is the one who sat up for 24 hours with mom and dad during my brain surgery and refused to leave until it was over and “that doctor walks out with a smile on his face.” When he is the one who filled my world with joy and Jesus, and then just so happened to change the lives of 1000’s of people in my city … It was too much. And not getting to say goodbye still seems down right cruel. I just needed a minute to breathe... It was too painful. All of this at once, in the midst of leaving my safe haven, and feeling completely unraveled and disengaged from my Papa? It was way too much. The waters felt impossibly hard to navigate. They weren’t just ice cold, they were frozen.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">I miss you John.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT5vvSMr359HaXfhUmWVRXjsN-Wr0tDXmdtv37W73I0fftFQAjJ_HWpdqlzJiApHQ0eMeE_t5-iisG3NMebvkxSUKQs_cLdPdm__-glwx81dB0M1XiiKC6zwaMvWlsstq9W2qL8m9i-dnfiF29Zss7njg9Rp_lsB9Yg3g1jIbEvLKMigAzztYPG8YFUg/s3024/C844FC09-A498-40E2-B79F-D6A73CF4B862.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT5vvSMr359HaXfhUmWVRXjsN-Wr0tDXmdtv37W73I0fftFQAjJ_HWpdqlzJiApHQ0eMeE_t5-iisG3NMebvkxSUKQs_cLdPdm__-glwx81dB0M1XiiKC6zwaMvWlsstq9W2qL8m9i-dnfiF29Zss7njg9Rp_lsB9Yg3g1jIbEvLKMigAzztYPG8YFUg/s320/C844FC09-A498-40E2-B79F-D6A73CF4B862.jpeg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><span style="font-family: inherit;">And no one even knew what to say. When my thoughts exploded and the tears ran easily. They still run easily. My friend Nina who is like my sister always says that my superpower is how quickly I can go from laughing to tears rushing down my cheeks. In the middle of the hard … I am so grateful though. For a second family who puts me on airplanes to come see you when the hard is too hard. [Manda and the Chief, thank you for loving me, listening to me, and taking me for long drives. Thank you for making sure I am filled with coffee and garlic noodles on the hardest of days. Thank you for reminding me often of how God sees me, and thank you for teaching your kids how to love me in the hard. Having you is one of my greatest gifts this side of heaven.] For parents who pray and listen, and a mama who holds me even when I’m begging to not be held because she knows I need it. [RT and Mama Brave I love you very much, I think you are special and I am very proud of you.] And friends that stand closer than a brother in the fire. Thank you to everyone who has prayed over me the last few years as I navigate all of this. You are so dear to me. I will never be able to thank you enough. I couldn’t make it without the “ listen sister, I’m always ready to go down in the valley with you, climb through the muck with you, and pull you out on the other end.” kind of friendships as Nina calls them. [Ninabee. I love you sister. Thank you for mucking it with me. I couldn’t have made it without you beeb. You are a treasure.] And most of all … my Savior … He has not abandoned ship. Even when it FELT like it. He never left. He kept me steady. He held back as many winds as He felt necessary. He was in my boat … even when I didn’t FEEL it. Even when I was mad and selfish and being a baby. Even when I was heartbroken and unkind and ran to people first instead of Him for comfort. He was and still is “I AM”</span></span></span></span><div><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">And again he said :: Shelby, “Why were you scared? He asked, “Did you forget who I am? Did you believe your fears instead of me?” </span></div><div><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Yes Lord … I forgot. I believed my fears. I was so scared. I am still scared. I wish I wasn’t.<br /></span><div><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">In this midst of this torrential downpour of a storm the sweetest thing happened. We ended up back at my safe place. The place we would come after hard years. The place where I find rest. Oh thank you Lord! My place. On July 6, 2021 my Dad baptized me in the ocean, at my favorite place in the world. With just my family watching from the shore, and some friends that had come to take our pictures. On the 12 hour drive down to North Carolina, I said to dad that I felt like it was time. He said he would pray about it and get back to me. He came to me one morning and said that he would do it.We had planned it for a different evening, but as we got ready for family pictures on the 6th I ran to dad, “ hey can we just do it tonight since there will be a camera? “ He said it would be alright. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So after we finished, my sweet sweet dad, my RT, the one who carried me up and down this same shore 29 summers ago, walked me out into the waves and baptized me in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I would normally say CAN YOU BELIEVE IT … but of course you believe it. Because God is intentional and kind and His plans are precious and grand. And He had this planned all along. The same sand beneath my feet that made me feel His nearness, the same ocean breeze that calmed my soul, and this beach that held a million memories would be the place I would be baptized. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">His promise to us remains the same and my eyes are still as teary. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">He is in my boat. He is in your boat too dear friend … He is in your boat too! </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBBzVvd5NAVepBZg1NQp0fr9HrTucTsXGHxKVw84xIy6D7-eZLdqcx4yYmWMwik4ieuBRiFc6bzN7GLq8ocGdvFUI9oM01DXM5LsWOuxWIq_FxPhklRD0naVQCBfPBP3aiYxfRVzcbgi1pfP9GYbmKWXAFYhA03vGXK10_7gURFE9CtvvH8oCCq_xZfw/s4032/3C956303-1694-41C5-80A0-5F28471BAB82.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="399" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBBzVvd5NAVepBZg1NQp0fr9HrTucTsXGHxKVw84xIy6D7-eZLdqcx4yYmWMwik4ieuBRiFc6bzN7GLq8ocGdvFUI9oM01DXM5LsWOuxWIq_FxPhklRD0naVQCBfPBP3aiYxfRVzcbgi1pfP9GYbmKWXAFYhA03vGXK10_7gURFE9CtvvH8oCCq_xZfw/w299-h399/3C956303-1694-41C5-80A0-5F28471BAB82.jpeg" width="299" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH_p53DRPtt5fyCtQtY3Pwkb4_vTHlp5vpzqCaz8pE90pMmAevcfISb14m4Fb7FAjPo-XwCxYXw8DE-TVB0Pq0eeILH8hPf_H8fqUaGnBqv32T38ifG5ag97idDiMduTCNdUYFwlAO8pGQxIC0aZQV3NHh97ndO6UK623rh_8T9xpS63YSpACyASr3gA/s1143/04FEB5BA-51AA-4BD1-B5E6-15EBC5D64878.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="787" data-original-width="1143" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH_p53DRPtt5fyCtQtY3Pwkb4_vTHlp5vpzqCaz8pE90pMmAevcfISb14m4Fb7FAjPo-XwCxYXw8DE-TVB0Pq0eeILH8hPf_H8fqUaGnBqv32T38ifG5ag97idDiMduTCNdUYFwlAO8pGQxIC0aZQV3NHh97ndO6UK623rh_8T9xpS63YSpACyASr3gA/w375-h258/04FEB5BA-51AA-4BD1-B5E6-15EBC5D64878.jpeg" width="375" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdiW7yYqxAJxNefpfTRB3DnMnZLvPhwbrm4HDsNvCxdvzf1P_PQfutiEFF0Dr15pnoYXOw32J4gy9S0_jpbL0UZy3LcctxMnw2OwfU2OQxBLYaeCCm6rmQHwrGwexNdxIFiAF3Af4ThHf8bX6n7eOsdqAMLlmEK-Do02o-qSg_fwakTzDjpQWLrzF6Bw/s4032/0158D7F3-DC4C-48B3-99F0-2A6682421503.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="377" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdiW7yYqxAJxNefpfTRB3DnMnZLvPhwbrm4HDsNvCxdvzf1P_PQfutiEFF0Dr15pnoYXOw32J4gy9S0_jpbL0UZy3LcctxMnw2OwfU2OQxBLYaeCCm6rmQHwrGwexNdxIFiAF3Af4ThHf8bX6n7eOsdqAMLlmEK-Do02o-qSg_fwakTzDjpQWLrzF6Bw/w283-h377/0158D7F3-DC4C-48B3-99F0-2A6682421503.jpeg" width="283" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjMfyowxdb6A1j3zgflEqqyWMNPlTJXrfwnil97yzYmv12RZZJVR4BvYzm42q15LkURRiPzp6JkSLqAPpZ62TrW9utPyPpd8N36lwVlq94xDYi3b65uXMQuBLWkojQ5ZjuBOqzuX8AIOnC2tJsy60eZv7wG7SzuQ4ozdRZXmUtr6iXEt9CWWWKGonONQ/s1142/B34112DA-BF8C-4600-AB21-3BEFB5FE8D56.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="759" data-original-width="1142" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjMfyowxdb6A1j3zgflEqqyWMNPlTJXrfwnil97yzYmv12RZZJVR4BvYzm42q15LkURRiPzp6JkSLqAPpZ62TrW9utPyPpd8N36lwVlq94xDYi3b65uXMQuBLWkojQ5ZjuBOqzuX8AIOnC2tJsy60eZv7wG7SzuQ4ozdRZXmUtr6iXEt9CWWWKGonONQ/w400-h266/B34112DA-BF8C-4600-AB21-3BEFB5FE8D56.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJFqugDxRnIlGM_mhmH8c_E4D8x5f9zDZvqPjqYWMVZXzrPeShTWaAdenyXeaV8Tw_u20X1EBa-wi8NgVeFx209qB1Ekr2zx01KDFWKo3S1h_Uq60_fNPLgoeYBhu4Eh00Alrz87T_jKHL6OTpHUzhPYk74kQon0VgSGBF-N_1kV5S1bnlHcC03gpzlQ/s1162/C8BB83A4-31B1-4CA2-8811-57343099BFEA.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="761" data-original-width="1162" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJFqugDxRnIlGM_mhmH8c_E4D8x5f9zDZvqPjqYWMVZXzrPeShTWaAdenyXeaV8Tw_u20X1EBa-wi8NgVeFx209qB1Ekr2zx01KDFWKo3S1h_Uq60_fNPLgoeYBhu4Eh00Alrz87T_jKHL6OTpHUzhPYk74kQon0VgSGBF-N_1kV5S1bnlHcC03gpzlQ/w390-h256/C8BB83A4-31B1-4CA2-8811-57343099BFEA.jpeg" width="390" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGLzWM5ud_LWSVcclIo0etnxswe3bCM5VP4PHgbEaSk2cmMD-qFmd1o3KaCw-eBS7J3C0zvhzNRqD9HsjB8e9acycJ5rlW8GjKpxvT71C0b0xd8aA6ZvQBxi8jvDfclrtEFxheGiVXSgTPNYMDHHSDcGWmmH4yOUTYSbcT8Sue1hO8IxHe2zrqQTXaaQ/s1140/E4E9D304-90B6-4DCF-8E68-B9FF7D5D7974.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="774" data-original-width="1140" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGLzWM5ud_LWSVcclIo0etnxswe3bCM5VP4PHgbEaSk2cmMD-qFmd1o3KaCw-eBS7J3C0zvhzNRqD9HsjB8e9acycJ5rlW8GjKpxvT71C0b0xd8aA6ZvQBxi8jvDfclrtEFxheGiVXSgTPNYMDHHSDcGWmmH4yOUTYSbcT8Sue1hO8IxHe2zrqQTXaaQ/w369-h250/E4E9D304-90B6-4DCF-8E68-B9FF7D5D7974.jpeg" width="369" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip3hSoJdZ62t_K7kj37dC-VAosot-9LAWq5fDxLYhnDGbKgaG5d1k9XD4drsTtk_SxEnTFvxJVGZp1oppEQIuKjxMVGtnCPRpktwVVrKXn5QquNj7brAmhodpYHDH4YydRbeXSSIdqKQfmApqNxCLcbJWGVXEtOK1j189mwwI4U5GmsEytENxjlAneag/s1242/ECFB0478-9B53-4C81-ABDD-A0F451E2AF96.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="848" data-original-width="1242" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip3hSoJdZ62t_K7kj37dC-VAosot-9LAWq5fDxLYhnDGbKgaG5d1k9XD4drsTtk_SxEnTFvxJVGZp1oppEQIuKjxMVGtnCPRpktwVVrKXn5QquNj7brAmhodpYHDH4YydRbeXSSIdqKQfmApqNxCLcbJWGVXEtOK1j189mwwI4U5GmsEytENxjlAneag/w395-h272/ECFB0478-9B53-4C81-ABDD-A0F451E2AF96.jpeg" width="395" /></a></div><br /><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><p></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Be Brave </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shelby Elyse Taylor </span></p></span><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;" /></div></div></div></div>Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-45692410387139793472022-05-21T18:28:00.005-04:002022-06-12T01:57:44.359-04:00Hey Nepal … I’m Coming For Ya! <p><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #8e7cc3; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Where in the world is Shelby!? Half the time my closest friends don’t even know. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #8e7cc3; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is something they do know … I AM GOING TO NEPAL!!!</span></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I figured I would send out this little update here + ask ya’ll for prayers + support if you are able! Below is the letter that I send out to my family and friends!</span></p><p><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Grateful always for everyone who reads this little piece of my world! </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are a blessing!!!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #8e7cc3; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Be BRAVE!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #8e7cc3; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shelby Elyse Taylor</span></span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-a72a7dba-7fff-5c0d-55eb-1f654ecce9a8" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know those spectacular moments in life where it feels like God bends down and hands you something on a silver platter? And you are so thankful you’ve been paying close attention, because you could have missed it? The very thing you had been praying for but didn’t even know you needed. He’s been holding onto it, waiting for the perfect time and in the blink of an eye, something really beautiful happens. And for me right now, it’s a chance to go serve Jesus in Nepal.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The past few years of my life I have felt like I’ve been treading water, unsure of what is next, continually asking the Father if He sees me, honestly confused because it feels like nothing has worked out the way I had hoped and prayed for. I’ve been asking Him huge questions about who I am, why He made me, and how He sees me. If I’m being honest, it’s been uncomfortable and my attitude towards Him, the One who made me, hasn’t always been great. But this spring, I sat before Him and told Him “Okay God, I will go anywhere and do anything but please make it clear.” On April 1st I applied for a dream job in Alaska, and on April 4th dear friends who have become like family asked me to go to Nepal with them. I told them I would pray, and that if I didn’t get the job I was “in.” Spoiler alert … I didn’t get the job. After praying for the past month, and talking with trusted family and friends, I have decided to go! </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From June 17-August 3 I will be serving as a nanny for my friends as we serve the people of Nepal. We will be ministering alongside local believers and churches, serving in orphanages, slums, a leprosy community, and non-government organizations that help underprivileged Nepalis. We will also have the opportunity to learn from local ministries about the work being done to combat human trafficking in Nepal. My heart has always been for the orphan and the underdog, and I could not be more excited to go!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am looking for a team of people to support me in prayer and (if possible) financially. The cost of my mission trip is $4,615. As of today, May 21 I am halfway to my goal! Even still, the number seems like an impossible feat to reach in the next few weeks, but I see the goodness of the Lord in every step of this journey so far, and I know He will make a way. Would you prayerfully consider giving? And if you are unable, would you promise to pray for my trip? </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is the link if you are able to donate. Select my name from the drop down menu! [Taylor,Shelby P010011] <a href="https://secure.egsnetwork.com/donate/7457379344844BB"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">GIVE HERE</span></a></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I told you earlier in this letter that I had been asking God if He sees me. I can assure you that I know He does. He is el Roi “the God who SEES me” - Genesis 16:13. The opportunity and timing of this trip have reminded me of that great truth. That the One who named the stars and spoke mountains and oceans into existence sees me. How cool is that? Family and friends, He sees you too. Don’t miss that truth. He SEES you too!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you for being such a precious part of my life! Thank you for praying for me through every season. I can’t wait to see what God will do!</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because people have asked for other ways to help … here is a link to an amazon wish list with some things that I still need / would love for my trip! As well as my VENMO … any Venmo donations will go towards bills while I’m away for the summer / offset not working at my job! </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span>AMAZON ::</span><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/OFE8AOW152NZ?ref_=wl_share"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">WISH LIST</span> </a> </span><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(142, 124, 195); font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">VENMO :: <a href="https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2015242846470144206&created=1655013405.882903&printed=1"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">@SHELBYBRAVE</span></a></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(142, 124, 195); font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">venmo name :: @SHELBYBRAVE ( Shelby Elyse Taylor ) </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">LOVE YOU </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p></span>Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-11847158551507974462020-03-27T04:17:00.000-04:002020-03-27T04:17:00.642-04:00He is in your boat - a guest blog post HEY FAM!<br />
<br />
missed you! i've got a few things in the works to share with you soon ... but i wanted to let you know something super cool!!!<br />
<br />
i had the opportunity to be a guest blogger over at <a href="http://www.beautyofbarrenness.com/"><span style="color: #674ea7;">Beauty of Barrenness</span></a> this week. my piece is based off of matthew 8.<br />
<br />
i would love if it you would go read!<br />
<br />
i'm leaving the link below<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.beautyofbarrenness.com/blog/2020/3/12/shelby-elise-he-is-in-your-boat"><span style="color: #674ea7;">HE IS IN YOUR BOAT!!!</span> </a><-- CLICK THIS!<br />
<br />
be brave fam<br />
<br />
and stay healthy<br />
<br />
i love you very much - i think you are special + i am very proud of you<br />
<br />
shelby elyse taylorShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-70268530670709955402019-11-18T01:20:00.001-05:002019-11-18T01:26:55.637-05:00you have so much of her in you.<div class="p1" style="font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-size: 12pt;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
i have tried to write this for nearly 4 months. my grandma met Jesus on July
24th. with my handsome grandpa sitting strong by her side. she was days away
from her 92nd birthday + their 69th wedding anniversary was just around the
corner. in the aftermath i found myself being forced to sit in the grief. i
didn't like it one bit. but there i was.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
i have always felt things big. extremely big. some may call it drama. others
crazy. but friends i'm a feeler. if i am happy - you will know it. and if i am
sad - well. that one is a bit more complicated. if you love me + know me well -
you will know when i am sad. but if you don't really KNOW me - you might not.
if i am grieving something - i quietly retreat. spend as much time as i can by
myself. and i cry till i can't cry anymore. i process the whole thing in one
fell swoop.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
in the weeks following her Homegoing - i hung out by myself SO MUCH. which is
really unlike me. i went for a lot of long drives so i could talk to God
+ listen to worship songs.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
when i wasn't driving : i journaled + read my bible + slept a lot.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
no :: i didn't feel depressed. i was just sad. i was just coming to terms with
the reality that my spunky little hero was gone. i had to face these feelings.
i had to. if i didn't face the music ... i knew one day i would have a random
breakdown in the middle of target because something smelled like her.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
i know myself really well. i had to process. the best i knew how.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
a few days before my grandma died i was at my best friends house. we knew the
day was coming and i got emotional thinking about it. i cried in their living
room that evening. told them that i knew she was going to die soon + i was just
so sad about it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
but later that night the conversation shifted ... we talked about how
incredible heaven is going to be. what it will look like. the questions we
have. all of it. and i got so excited for heaven i almost forget i was sad
about death. there is so much to look forward to.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
my dad called me on july 23rd saying he had just left my aunt's house and he
thought my grandma was not doing great. i woke up on july 24th to the news that
my grandma had met Jesus in the middle of the night. i hopped on a plane just
12 hours later + headed home to be with my family.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
i spoke at my grandma's funeral. and thought that maybe i would share what i
said here. this little blog is basically my diary. so i don't mind giving you a
glimpse into that day.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
it was beautiful. the day we celebrated her. the church was filled to the brim
with people that loved our girl. every word spoken was precious. the entire day
seemed so Holy.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
the following is what i said at her celebration of life... <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">i was told to keep things short. you would think that shouldn’t be hard for me
: considering i am only 5 feet tall...but it was a feat my friends.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">i
was thinking about grandma this morning. i thought about what she would be
doing in heaven. i like to think she’s rounded up as many people she can fit
around her kitchen table + she’s stuffing them full of hot coffee + her
homemade bread and raspberry jam. asking everyone what their favorite is so she
can make it next time + giving that twinkle eyed wink to Jesus. but that’s just
what I like to think - because it makes me feel better - because that’s the
grandma i knew. but she’s probably actually sitting at the feet of the Father -
singing His praises. Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty. that is beautiful
to me as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">i
decided i would share 3 things...<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">1.
something i wrote about her last November ::<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">[my
grandma taylor. her name is beulah. she is my twin - just 65 years older. we
share curls + glasses + a love of cooking. she is as spunky as they come + she
can’t remember my name anymore. even still - she grabs my hands + gets a
twinkle in her eye + says [ hi sweetheart : i know you are one of mine. ] she
has the heart of a servant + more zest for life than an entire orchard of lemon
trees. how lucky we are to have her. what a precious gift she is. more precious
than rubies i like to say. she is SO cute! my dream is to be just like her.
raise 5 kids. break the mold. keep trusting in Jesus - even when it gets hard.
but most of all : i pray i can love like her - she loves so well that all 11
cousins are sure they are the favorite. i pray i can forgive like her - for the
little + the big. + i pray i can be as brave as her. she has always called me
her brave girl ... but i promise there is no one braver than beulah lee.]<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">2.
something that made us laugh :: <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">this
is something we like to call "the macaroni salad story." </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">😂</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">
... when i was little my parents told me to eat everything that grandma served
you + to say thank you more times than you could count. well. one day my lunch
plate was set down in front of me + had a big old scoop of macaroni salad on
it. like. noodles covered in mayonnaise with some crunchy veggies mixed in. now
don't get me wrong. i'm all about noodles. and i'm all about mayonnaise. just
not together. i think i must have been around 8 or 9 at the time. and i told
her "grandma thank you so much for my lunch! mmmm i love this!" to
which she responded "sweetheart thank you! you love that macaroni
salad?" and i think i told her "yes it's my favorite." BIG
MISTAKE!!! for the next 10 YEARS every time i went to grandma's she made
macaroni salad. she would get that ice cold mayonnaise covered noodle goo out
of the fridge and dump it on my plate. AND SEND US HOME WITH ANOTHER VAT OF IT
BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I LOVED IT!!!! hahahahahaha!!!! EVERYONE knew i didn't like
it. mom. dad. my siblings. the aunts. uncles. and cousins. i think they ALL
KNEW. but not grandma. we didn't know how to tell her!!! one day in the summer
following my senior year of HS my mom casually told her "hey beulah i'm
not sure shelbs loves macaroni salad anymore. but she sure does love applesauce
and butterscotch squares." PHEW! end of an era. for the next few years ...
until she couldn't cook anymore ... i went home with applesauce! HALLELUJAH!
... <o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">[this
story is silly ... but i think you should know that was the only time i lied to
my grandma ... and at the funeral i told grandpa " don't you dare tell her
when you get to heaven! " haha!]<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.0pt;">3.
the most important things she taught me ::<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">that if bellies are full.
laughter is abundant + you are walking with Jesus life will be beautiful. it
won’t always be easy but it will be beautiful. my dad always grandma came from
the school of hard knocks. and that is where she got her spunk. she raised my
daddy, my aunts and my uncle to be strong + bold. she poured such Godly wisdom
into me + my 10 cousins. she sang in the kitchen + prayed for us so fervently.
she was strength under control. the perfect person to live alongside my
grandpa. she was a proverbs 31 woman in real life ::</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">[strength and dignity are her
clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. she opens her mouth with
wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. she looks well to
the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. her
children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises
her: "many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” charm
is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be
praised.] </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">THAT WAS MY GRANDMA! </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">last week i was talking with my
alaska "family" and my bff mandy asked me if there was ever a
compliment i loved getting. at first i gave a flippant answer. it was true but
it was pretty general. and then after i sat there a while i remembered. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">at the lunch following my
grandma's burial one of our dearest family friends grabbed me to talk. she told
me how much she loved me + told me my speech was great. and then these words
left her lips and i don't think i will ever forget them. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">she told me ... "shelby. you
have so much of her in you."</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">she meant my 91 year old bff. my
beautiful beulah. the one who i just lost. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">it was the greatest compliment i
have ever received. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">the grief process seems extremely
unkind at times. just last weekend my uncle posted a video of everyone
celebrating my cousins' birthdays. and as the camera moved i scanned the room.
and for less than 15 seconds i forgot. i searched for her. her petite frame
wasn't standing by my grandpa's side. and then it hit me. she's gone. dang. it
seems the moments you forget become the hardest ones. i think i will miss her
every day for the rest of my life. i don't think what they say is true. i don't
think time heals. but man. the time we had with her was filled with so much
beauty. i will be forever thankful. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">i love you beulah lee. and i miss
you a whole lot. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">till kingdom come. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">BE BRAVE TRIBE</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1261</o:Words>
<o:Characters>7190</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Kent State University</o:Company>
<o:Lines>59</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>8829</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>12.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Times;
panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Times;
mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Times;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">shelby
elyse </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: times; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaWtPQfEAoPCH3ZPrJZen-t6C9xZ9RMuUDkhu5ijtIq8oT2V8bLoUV9AX09rN54BXQ0hiHGceIYG6J1cHS57X5-dCjK2WSjJFqQbeKhchPaK-t9KZG5rRQTLwyG6r9hO3FQrlyxgDmcRay/s1600/67484307_10216188964703553_8921811765843460096_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="669" data-original-width="669" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaWtPQfEAoPCH3ZPrJZen-t6C9xZ9RMuUDkhu5ijtIq8oT2V8bLoUV9AX09rN54BXQ0hiHGceIYG6J1cHS57X5-dCjK2WSjJFqQbeKhchPaK-t9KZG5rRQTLwyG6r9hO3FQrlyxgDmcRay/s320/67484307_10216188964703553_8921811765843460096_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="color: black; font-family: times; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-60795538606183356212019-08-14T03:42:00.000-04:002019-08-14T03:42:24.165-04:00be brave - a guest blog post hey fam<br />
<br />
i thought i had published this months ago. but i just was looking through my half written posts and realized this was still a draft. oops!<br />
<br />
anyways..<br />
<br />
back in may i got to write a guest blog post telling my story + my testimony! it was such an incredible opportunity.<br />
<br />
i am going to link it below if you would like to read it!<br />
<br />
it's kinda long so you might want to grab some coffee ... or a snack! haha<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br />
<a href="https://jacquelenehayes.com/2019/05/be-brave-with-shelby-taylor/">https://jacquelenehayes.com/2019/05/be-brave-with-shelby-taylor/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-86460987712523503702019-04-12T01:56:00.004-04:002019-04-12T03:07:52.421-04:00introducing me! HEY FAM!<br />
<br />
i figured it was time for a little "about me" post. there are a lot of fresh new faces around here + i want you guys to know me just a little bit better. these kind of posts are some of my favorite to read on other blogs ... so I thought i'd do it too.<br />
<br />
i am 27. so we will go with 27 fun facts.<br />
<br />
1. my middle name is elyse ... and i love it. i love all middle names. tell me yours!<br />
<br />
2. i am the baby of the family. by 7 years. i have an older sister + brother.<br />
<br />
3. i am not a big fan of commas - or capital letters. you won't see them here a lot.<br />
<br />
4. if i could wear overalls every day i would.<br />
<br />
5. my family has this thing called "the 3 things" ... our parents started doing it when my sister was born. but it has turned into our family slogan. we have said it so much so that sometimes my dad will just hold up 3 fingers and i know what he means. if you are wondering the 3 things are ... " i love you very much. i think you are special. and i am very proud of you." see? it's cute!<br />
<br />
6. popcorn and organic cheese puffs are my favorite snacks.<br />
<br />
7. i moved to alaska 2.5 years ago after living in ohio for 25 years.<br />
<br />
8. i have a rare genetic disorder called noonan syndrome.<br />
<br />
9. i named my dog scout finch after the character in to kill a mockingbird. which also happens to be one of my very favorite books.<br />
<br />
10. my favorite place in the world is sunset beach - in north carolina. it's precious.<br />
<br />
11. i met my two very best friends in kindergarten. they are so dear to me. in fact. 95% of my close friends have known me since before the 6th grade. i guess you could say i'm sticky. if i love you i love you for life.<br />
<br />
12. i hate bananas. and also have texture issues with food. and also don't like food to touch. except chipotle.<br />
<br />
13. i love cleveland sports. andddd also the pittsburgh steelers. sorry ohio friends. stone me!<br />
<br />
14. i am terrified of clowns + fuzzy costume people.<br />
<br />
15. my hair is naturally curly. no i don't get perms. i'd like to thank my mama. my daddy + Jesus.<br />
<br />
16. i learn best with music + remember almost every lyric to every song i've ever heard.<br />
<br />
17. essential oils are my jam. they have given me emotional + immune support. if you would like to know more about oils feel free to email me or click this link!<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_1474641959"><br /></a>
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><a href="https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/new-start?sponsorid=16321828&enrollerid=16321828&isocountrycode=US&culture=en-US&type=member">https://www.youngliving.com/vo/#/signup/new-start?sponsorid=16321828&enrollerid=16321828&isocountrycode=US&culture=en-US&type=member</a></span><br />
<br />
18. redeeming love by francine rivers is one of my all time favorite books.<br />
<br />
19. i laugh when i shouldn't + i cry more than i should.<br />
<br />
20. i am 5 feet tall.<br />
<br />
21. i have a brain tumor. it's benign. it's stable. i'm grateful. GOD IS FAITHFUL + KIND. also :: sometimes when people hear i have a brain tumor they freak out + are like "oh no she'll die in my house." but don't freak out. i'm fine. life is beautiful!<br />
<br />
22. i have a tattoo on my left arm that says "daughter, your faith has healed you." it's from the story in the bible where Jesus heals the woman who had been sick for 12 years. she had FAITH that if she could just touch his clothes she would be healed. i wanted this for a long time. and finally got it two years ago. because one day healing will come. on earth or in heaven. it is a gentle reminder + a push to always have faith like that beautiful young woman did. but best of all ... it's in my parents handwriting. "daughter," is my dad's + "your faith has healed you" is my moms. oh friends. this story YES friends. there is a comma on my arm. i can't believe it either. but i can't change the Bible.<br />
<br />
also :: i have a whole blog post about it ... if you wanna read it <a href="http://www.shelbybrave.com/2017/10/daughter-your-faith-has-healed-you.html">DAUGHTER YOUR FAITH HAS HEALED YOU </a><br />
<br />
23. Hosea is my favorite book of the bible.<br />
<br />
24. the biggest thing i have struggled with in the past 10 years or so is probably my weight + staying confident even though my body doesn't look like i want it to. years of sickness and medications ruined me. and i have had to learn to be okay with the number on the scale. i had to realize that healthy doesn't mean stick thin. that God does not want me to be ashamed of what i look like. scars are beautiful + scales are brutal + it is okay to love exactly who i am. in the words of my friend <a href="https://www.shaunaniequist.com/">Shauna Niequist </a> [ okay not my real life friend - but my someday friend ] "my friends are not actually counting the days till summer to see if i finally turned into a supermodel..." HALLELUJAH FOR THAT!<br />
<br />
25. i love to go to the movies by myself. popcorn. cherry coke. a blanket scarf to cozy up in. it's just the best.<br />
<br />
26. i am a hopeless romantic. i just love love. and love people. and honestly i wish there were more words for love in the english language because i use it too much. but i just adore everyone and i think they should know.<br />
<br />
27. Jesus is my very favorite. forever + ever.<br />
<br />
i'd love to hear a fun fact about you! feel free to comment below!<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse taylor<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-6071718649909405962019-01-05T00:20:00.001-05:002019-01-05T00:51:34.721-05:00His watchful eye[ i sing because i'm happy, i sing because i'm free ... for His eye is on the sparrow and i know He watches me. ]<br />
<br />
i catch myself singing this song sometimes when i am anxious. as if i am absentmindedly telling myself everything is going to be okay. that the Lord sees me - that He has not forgotten about me. the truth is - sometimes i feel like He doesn't see me. sometimes i feel like He may have forgotten. i hate to even say it - because i know it isn't true - but it's how i feel. sometimes.<br />
<br />
at the beginning of november i went to a writers retreat. 30 beautiful and unique women were there. i had a room full of mama's. Jesus was present. hearts were healed. stories were told. memories poured out of us like a fresh cup of hot coffee. some beautiful - some painful + some so raw it was hard to even write.<br />
<br />
that weekend more dreams and hope for my future began to flourish. i felt God telling me that the path i am on is the right one - but He asked me to promise to let Him lead. He brought women into my life who spoke beautiful words over me - even further nailing in the truths He wanted me to hear. i walked through the doors of that weekend wondering if i was doing the right thing. "am i really supposed to write it all down God?" "are You sure i am cut out for all this?" and so softly and tenderly just as He always has - He answered - in big ways. HE SAW ME.<br />
<br />
i called home to mom and dad one afternoon - while sipping a chick-fil-a iced coffee + began to tell them about it. but soon realized that some of the words i had written i couldn't even read to them.<br />
and then it hit me like a ton of bricks - everything i write is not for everyones eyes. it was shocking to realize ... and at the same time i shouldn't have been one bit surprised.<br />
<br />
i have always been loud with my story. screamed it from the rooftops. we have begged the nations for prayer from the minute i was born. and yet - as i sat there with my coffee i realized - i can keep some things to myself. you may be thinking [ it took you this long? ] but friends :: when your story has always been public - you just let it be.<br />
<br />
i have been quiet here on the blog. a 6 month hiatus. because what i have been writing - is either waiting to be read at a later date - or tucked away never to be read because it is too sacred.<br />
<br />
i feel like i need to tell you :: that i'm sorry for being a broken record here the last few years. the highs and lows of writing and stopping. and constantly telling you i'm writing my book but abandoning ship here at the blog... to be honest this book has been harder to write than i ever imagined. i have changed courses a few times. and the entire thing has been like one big therapy session without a therapist. some days i sit in starbucks and erase full paragraphs because they don't make sense. other days i just can't write because the memories are too hard to reflect on.<br />
<br />
the other day i was sitting at my sister's kichen table and we were talking about my future. how i feel called to write and travel and speak - but i just don't know what it will look like. she got up to grab some water and said "shelbs i'm sure this book has been really hard to write - healing but still really hard to remember everything because none of what you went through was normal." she gets me.<br />
<br />
so i'm sorry ... for abandoning + floundering + choosing not to share - even when so much life is being lived. sometimes it's just too hard.<br />
<br />
there are times where i just need to be silent and reflect. and the past 6 months i just needed that.<br />
<br />
i am not one for resolutions ... mostly because i don't like to disappoint myself. but this year i am going to try to write more. be present here. decide not to abandon ship. and welcome you in. even when it's hard.<br />
<br />
the past few days i have felt extremely anxious. probably because i've been sick + so i get all weepy and feel cruddy + basically turn into a toddler. so between podcasts and naps - i've been praying and writing and asking God what i should do next...<br />
<br />
i talk to God when i drive. i tell Him about my day. ask Him questions. cry. yell. beg. wonder. all of it. He can handle it. sometimes mid conversation someone will cut me off or i will have to slam on my breaks for a red light + i yell a bad word. and then i have to apologize to God because i cussed mid prayer. i imagine he just shakes his head like my dad does here on earth and thinks something like ... " i raised you better shelby elyse ... but i forgive you." i always imagine God calls me by my first and middle name.<br />
<br />
anyways ... today i had to run to the store because i ran out of elderberry syrup for my immune system #granolagirl ... and so i was talking to God and telling Him that i'm all done being sick... and i was like [seriously Man!? i was just home with mom for 2 weeks and you let me get sick when i'm back here in the land of ice and snow all alone?]<br />
<br />
and then it hit me ... HE SEES ME.<br />
<br />
so despite not feeling good. despite wanting to shut everyone out. despite days when it is too hard to write. despite not knowing exactly what is next...<br />
<br />
[ i sing because i'm happy. i sing because i'm free. for His eye is on the sparrow...<br />
and i know He watches me. ]<br />
<br />
He sees you too fam...<br />
<br />
He sees you too.<br />
<br />
Be Brave<br />
<br />
Shelby ElyseShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-22555507446118202432018-06-25T01:08:00.001-04:002018-06-25T03:55:32.800-04:00it's hard to have a heartbeat in two different places.i have a question.<br />
<br />
Q: have you seen those trendy t-shirts that have a map on them with hearts in two different cities with a dotted line connecting them? or maybe the dish towel version? or the coffee mug?<br />
<br />
A: yes - great! me too!<br />
no - okay! just pretend!<br />
<br />
my point :: i feel a lot like that dotted line lately. like <span style="color: #674ea7;">i have a heartbeat in two different places</span>. one in ohio. one in alaska. and perhaps a few teeny tiny pieces of my heart sprinkled inbetween.<br />
<br />
this week ben rector released a new album. and one of the songs is called "old friends" and when i heard it a few weeks back i cried. he speaks of knowing your friends house phone numbers from memory + getting to friends houses on his bike. he shouts that "no one in his time zone knows what inline skates" he wore. that "no one knows you like they know you". "you can grow up - make new ones - but theres nothing like old friends."<br />
<br />
there is one line in particular that says "i've got some new friends now. but i've never seen their parents back porch." believe me when i say - when i heard it - i wept. it just about knocked the wind out of me.<br />
<br />
if you want to hear the song - <a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4SU8gxrhs1g">CLICK HERE </a><br />
<br />
this year i have had friends back home get married. have babies. and go through huge life changes. and if i'm being honest with you - it's hard to be so far away. because my heart feels like it's still in ohio. walking around with people i love.<br />
<br />
and although i've made new friends. they only just know who i am now. they know my story but they didn't walk through it with me. and while sometimes that is refreshing. sometimes it's terrifying. because it doesn't always feel safe. sometimes i feel safe. with a few people i feel really safe. just not always.<br />
<br />
sometimes i just need a hug from my best friends since kindergarten instead of advice from someone who didn't walk through the hard with me. and then sometimes i need someone who wasn't always there - who knows the person i've become because of the hard - to just sit with me as i sort it all out. it's delicate.<br />
<br />
it's different with the ones you shared a childhood with. because we were young together. and we really KNOW each other. and then all of a sudden we are all on the verge of turning 27. but still we sit in my parents kitchen and reminisce when i'm home. we talk about the beautiful and the hard. the easy going days of elementary school. the brutal realities of junior high. the magic of high school. and the growth that college brought. we laugh about the teachers we had crushes on. because you know - everyone has a teacher crush. this time - dad was asking about our teacher crushes and since they are his colleagues it was HILARIOUS. but it is times like those where all of a sudden i'm transported back to childhood. the kitchen might look a little different. and we might look a little different. now there are husbands and babies to get home to. planes to catch to get home. even still - when we tell my mom we're going to grab Swenson's so we can eat it during the 4th quarter of the cavs game - she says "it's late be careful." our lives have changed drastically. but there will still be something that holds us all together.<br />
<br />
but then here ... here holds so much new and so much growth. here i get to sit around a kitchen table on monday nights and make new memories with friends. here i have been adopted into the coolest family who actually genuinely cares about me. here i feel loved and known for who i am now. here i live above my friend's parents and when i get home from a trip they have me come sit on the couch and tell them about it. here i get to share bits and pieces of my story with people who know nothing about it. here looks so much different than i thought it would 23 months ago when i was preparing to come. here isn't anything like i expected. but i kinda love it here.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">here and there. my heart seems to be in both places.</span><br />
<br />
a few weeks ago i road tripped from ohio to florida with my parents. if you don't know them you should. i call them mama brave + RT. we stopped to see friends in nashville, tn + birmingham, al. it was a blast. i made them listen to "love does" by bob goff because - well - who doesn't love bob!?<br />
<br />
if you want to read bob’s book :: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Love-Does-Discover-Secretly-Incredible/dp/1400203759">CLICK HERE</a><br />
<br />
we were headed to a beach in florida that i have never been to. something hard for me. because i love tradition. i am nostalgic through and through. i'm not one for changing something that is good and lovely. but alas - here i was - headed to this beach.<br />
<br />
my entire life we have gone to sunset beach, nc. i think we have been there 23 times in the last 27 years. maybe 22. and we have only really missed for weddings + my make a wish trip. sunset beach is so dear to me. if you'd like to read about it <a href="http://www.shelbybrave.com/2014/08/i-just-wanna-stay-right-here.html">CLICK HERE! </a><br />
<br />
this new beach was fine. but i missed my old beach. it didn't hold the nostalgia. or the memories. and while it was beautiful to be with my family ... it just wasn't as precious as it normally is. this part of the ocean didn't recognize me. also to give the beach the benefit of the doubt - it did rain all week. there was a depression in the gulf. but i promise you. the rain isn't why i didn't feel home there. i was thankful for the rain.<br />
<br />
[ there is something about my little piece of the OCEAN ... i feel known there. like God shows me bits of who i'll become. in the waves i see His majesty unfolding + His love for me there ... GRAND.]<br />
<br />
so while this new beach held beauty because of the people i was with ... my heart still longed for my old beach.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">here and there. my heart seems to be in both places.</span><br />
<br />
a few days ago my dad called with some bad news. my 1st grade teacher was entering hospice care. less than 48 hours later another call came ... she had gone to be with Jesus. i am still processing it all. mrs. hershman was so so precious to me. i remember 1st grade pretty vividly. her room was bright and full of joy. smiley faces were a must + getting everyone to be an excellent reader was on her agenda. we had this giant book of words called victory drill. we would go up to her desk one by one and be quizzed on the pages and how long it took us to read them. when you finished the book - she presented you with a bible.<br />
<br />
i remember the morning i finished. it was track and field day. the awards ceremony was one day away. she called me over and said "okay. we're gunna try one more time sweet thing." and she pushed that timer and i started reading. well. i passed. and the next day she gave me my bible in front of the school. one of the only awards i've ever won! haha. but her love for me didn't stop there. she sent birthday cards into my high school days. prayed me through the hard days. brought smiley face everything after my brain surgery. and consistently encouraged me up until a few months ago through facebook. i was trying to remember this week the last time i saw her. and i couldn't remember. and that made me emotional. but i suppose it's okay. because what i remember is a young vibrant lady who loved her family - friends - students - and especially her Savior well.<br />
<br />
just about everyone i've talked to has said "she was my favorite teacher" "she is why i came a teacher" "i loved that lady." and the compliments just keep coming. i hope to leave a legacy like that.<br />
<br />
truthfully - i wish i could have seen her one more time. i wish the letter i started writing her wednesday could have been finished in time for her to read it before she passed. i wish she could have gotten a little more time. but how selfish of me to wish that. for her to be back on earth when she gets to be in Glory. how selfish of me to want more time. when she is with the One who holds all time.<br />
<br />
this week my heart is hurt. the sting of this earth is enough to bring you to your knees some days. but the promise of heaven is what i cling to.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">here and there. my heart seems to be in both places. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
this week in my journal i wrote this::<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">when i'm here. i miss home.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">when i'm home. i miss here.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">and i try to be present in these spaces. be grateful for where i am. but i'll tell you...</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">it's hard to have a heart beat in two different places.</span><br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-68573513115587839982018-03-01T16:20:00.000-05:002018-03-02T01:12:12.135-05:00never stop trying to make me see. <style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 23.0px Times; color: #454545; -webkit-text-stroke: #454545}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Times; color: #454545; -webkit-text-stroke: #454545; min-height: 20.0px}
p.p3 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 14.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">"never stop trying to make me see me the way you see me."</span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">kate pearson said that to her dad. if you don't watch this is us ... you should.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">#jackpearsonforfatheroftheyear<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">it's probably the most beautiful thing a daughter could ever say to her father. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">after i watched the episode- the more i thought about it - i decided that is my hearts cry to the Lord. t</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">o never stop. to make me see me the way He does. to endlessly persue. to recklessly encourage. to make me KNOW that i am loved + cherished +worthwhile. to make me SEE what i was created for and to TEACH me how i can better use my gifts to bring Him glory! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">some of those feelings stemming from my heart as a single 26 year old with a deep desire to get married and have a big family one day. and some of the feelings stemming from my dreams for the rest of my life as far as a career and what i am capable of. and some of them stem from a lifetime of the unexpected + a hope for a future full of beauty. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">recently i have started to tell people what i think the Lord is calling me to ... and it's so scary to say out loud. and every time i say it i laugh because i am still in the "you can't be serious Lord." space. but He is. He is totally serious. i'm not ready to say it here. maybe sometime soon. but not yet.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> but y'all - it's about to get crazy! </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">as I feel this calling i'm keep asking myself "well geez why did it take so long for me to see?! why did it take so long for me to understand?!" and i think i just needed to mature. see myself through His perspective. see myself the way He sees me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">the past few months have been hard. i have been sick and not feeling 100% since Christmas. swollen and sore lymph nodes in my neck. totally exhausted. and for lack of a better word - i'm stressed. doctors. bloodwork. more doctors. tests for mono - tests for lymphoma. all negative. they don't know what it is. it could be "normal noonan syndrome stuff" which isn't normal at all. noonan syndrome is full of surprises. but im over it. i'm tired and tired of feeling sick.</span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">a few weeks ago i ended an antibiotic on a tuesday + then wednesday i puked all day long. it was awful. that thursday i took my first full sick day of this school year + slept all day. then friday i got on a red eye home to meet my best friend's newborn + rest.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">because i think that is what I'm being called to do this year ... in this season ... rest.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">it's time to slow down. give God room to move. remain still + wait on Him. relax + listen to His voice. learn about who He is. study His word more. get to know Him deeper than ever before. but most importantly...rest. because i have a feeling i am about to be launched into something grand + i need to be ready. i need to be rested. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">the past year + a half has been...really busy. i hate that word but it's the truth! i feel like i got on the tea cup ride at disney land and they won't let me off ... and i can't get it to stop. it's been go go go. and my "i'll sleep when i'm dead" mentality isn't going to cut it anymore. i have to start listening to my body. i have to slow down.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">and i don't mean "netflix and chill" rest. i mean ... everything has to shift rest. this is something that america doesn't do well as a whole. and everytime i tell someone i have to explain that i'm not wanting to be lazy. i just need a minute. this body of mine is different than most - and unless i take a step back - it's going to shut off. i don't mean i'm going to die - i mean i'm going to crash. and that usually means everything will start hurting and no one will know whats wrong. and it's already begun. i can feel my body begging for a break. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">rest isn't something i like. i think it's because i associate being still with being sick. and so whenever i feel even semi decent i pack in the stuff - see all the people + don't sleep enough. this cycle in which i often refuse to listen to my body tell me to slow down - it can't continue. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">a few weeks ago a sweet soul told me ... shel - even the Lord rested. oh my did i need to hear that. God isn't expecting me to be wonder woman. in face - i bet He's going "shelby elyse! stop and breathe! don't do all the things! protect your body." but it's hard for me. because i want everyday to be filled to the brim.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
since i moved to alaska the Lord has just set everything before me - from housing to friends to church. moving here alone was the scariest thing i've ever done - and He has called me to trust Him in such a deep way while being here. and now i believe He is calling me to trust Him - but also trust myself. for the past 18 months - i feel like He lays down a brick and i step onto it. and as soon as i step onto that brick - He lays down another. He hasn't let me see a big picture - because He has wanted me to trust. but now - then He started to lay 3 or 4 bricks at a time - He gave me a bigger picture - let me see a few steps ahead. as my trust has grown - so has the picture. and now He wants me to step out in faith. keep walking even when i don't see any bricks laid before me. keep leaping onto them anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He has let me see some things but He wants me to walk by faith. He wants me to see the way He does. He wants me to trust myself AND trust in Him. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">as i said - a few weeks ago i went home to ohio. #gocavs #gotribe i flew down because my best friend since kindergarten had a baby girl one month ago + i had to meet her. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">little isla jane aker is perfect + precious.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">there's something particularly beautiful about holding a tiny baby in your arms that your bff birthed. i can't wait to tell her all the stories of growing up with her red headed crazy mama. her parents are two of my favorite people on this earth + their friendship is something i deeply cherish. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">i also flew home to relax. something i desperately needed. time to be still. to not worry about anything + just be. mama brave kept reminding me "don't make too many plans." i tried to listen. but man i love my people. so i saw some and decided not to see others so i could rest.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">i talked to some of my most trusted friends and mentors while i was home. we talked about where i was in life - what God was doing - how beautiful it is that He has brought me this far - the gifts He has given me - and what is next. </span>one night in particular - i had sweet time with my mom and dad - and one of my most treasured friends who is like a mama to me. we sat in the family room - talking about my future - talking about my past. talking about the hard and the beautiful. what has been challenging and what my strengths are.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">after every conversation - i walked away with an assurance that i was on the right path. that i wasn't crazy. but what i found to be the most interesting was that - almost every person pointed out things about me that i didn't see. they talked about parts of my story that could help my future - ones that i didn't always think about. they said "because you did this - i think you could do that." and "the way you handled that - will help you be able to do this."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">they helped me see me - the way they did.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">HE used them to help me see me - the way HE does.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">there is so much beauty in that.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">never stop Lord ... never stop trying to make me see. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">ok?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></span>
BE BRAVE</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">shelby elyse taylo</span>r </span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-46803365617030263512018-01-03T23:08:00.002-05:002018-01-04T03:13:39.466-05:00if i was 16 again.i've been thinking about high school lately. who i was. how i acted. the choices i made. who my friends were. who i wish i had been friends with. and so much more.<br />
<br />
and if i'm being totally honest with you. there are so many things i would have done differently.<br />
<br />
i would have sat with the loner more.<br />
<br />
i would have stood up for the kid getting picked on more.<br />
<br />
i would have stood up for myself more.<br />
<br />
i would have TP'd more people. haha but really.<br />
<br />
when i didn't get asked to homecoming or prom i wouldn't have been upset.<br />
<br />
i would not have tried to act different. because lets be real. it never worked.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have been embarassed about my learning disability.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have worn certain clothes or shoes to try to "fit in" because i wasn't born to fit in.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have told everyone who i had a crush on. because i ended up embarassing myself every time. and still being alone. why didn't i learn?<br />
<br />
BOYS who i had a crush on - i'm so sorry i was so crazy.<br />
<br />
because as taylor swift once wrote "in your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team." i shoulda listened to t-swift.<br />
<br />
i wish i would have invested into a smaller group of people rather than try to be friends with every single person in school.<br />
<br />
BUT - i also wouldn't have apologized for keeping my kindergarten 5 so close to my heart. because i wasn't trying to exclude - i was just holding close what meant the most.<br />
<br />
i would have tried to protect myself more. and maybe trusted a little less.<br />
<br />
one time i walked out of bible class because i disagreed so strongly with what my teacher was saying. if i had to go back - i don't think i would have walked out. i probably would have tried to have a discussion about it. but at the time i was grieving a loss and i just couldn't come to grips with what that teacher was saying. i still don't agree with what was said - but now i understand where that person was coming from. so i wish i would have stayed that day.<br />
<br />
i would have listened to my mom and dad when they said " i don't think this friend is someone who will stick around. " OR " he isn't worth it. " OR " trooper don't try to be like anyone else. "<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have straightened my hair.<br />
<br />
i would have paid closer attention in spanish class.<br />
<br />
i would have apologized more.<br />
<br />
i would have complained less.<br />
<br />
i would have been more grateful that i got to go to such an amazing school.<br />
<br />
i wish i could go back to all the days i missed. because i was home sick so much. i feel like i missed out on a ton. i wish i had those days back.<br />
<br />
if i could go back...<br />
<br />
i would have invited the cheerleaders and the drama kids over at the same time. because i think they would have loved each other. maybe not. but i wish i would have done that.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have gotten upset when people called me annoying. because as a wise friend told me this year. all those people in high school were just confused. annoying wasn't the right word. i was just... confident. okay. maybe annoying sometimes.<br />
<br />
i would have gone to visit my dad in his office more often. and coach spodnik. why didn't i do that?<br />
<br />
i would have told mom that i couldn't keep wearing children's place clothes in high school. because it happened you guys. hahaha. oh man.<br />
<br />
i would have told myself that most of what i worried about was trivial.<br />
<br />
i wouldn't have worried that i was going to die before 20.<br />
<br />
i would have told myself that depression would hit - but i would be okay.<br />
<br />
i would have hugged my friends more.<br />
<br />
i would have never missed an opportunity to tell my people i loved them.<br />
<br />
i would have dreamed bigger.<br />
<br />
i would have been braver.<br />
<br />
i would have been a little more bold.<br />
<br />
theres so much i would have done.<br />
<br />
theres no going back.<br />
<br />
but how beautiful it has been to learn.<br />
<br />
what would you tell your 16 year old self?<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse taylorShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-14309945130597856622017-10-29T18:35:00.004-04:002017-10-29T18:35:56.529-04:00daughter, your faith has healed you.she had so much faith. that young woman in the Bible. [ if i can just touch His cloak, she thought, then i WILL be healed. ] i dream of having a faith like that.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
her faith changed me. her faith inspired me. i can't wait to meet her one day in Glory. i have a feeling we will be bffe's. [best friends for eternity.]</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i feel like sometimes i become a broken record here. talking about my trials. but i also feel that with each year comes new challenges - or new things i've overcome. similarly - as each year passes my brain becomes more able to understand what has actually happened. and i've had to unpack it all while trying to keep it together + live life like a "normal" girl. so i apologize if you are tired of reading about it. but honestly - it won't stop anytime soon. so i guess if it tires you out - don't read my blog? i don't say that to sound rude - it's just my honest advice. my trials have made me who i am - this journey has helped me discover who God wants me to be.<br />
<br />
i can't change that. i refuse to try.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
this year. my faith has been tested. in ways like never before. this year has been tough. i have felt lonely often + wished i could be more brave. i tell people all the time that i would rather be physically ill than struggle mentally and in my spirit. there is a certain kind of control i feel when my it's my body. but when it's my mind and spirit - it often feels out of control. so all of this "new" that has flourished the past year or so has been hard.<br />
<br />
but i will scream it from the mountain tops until the day i die.<br />
<br />
even when i'm doubtful. my Jesus is SO faithful!<br />
<br />
you hear me?<br />
<br />
EVEN WHEN I'M DOUBTFUL - MY JESUS IS SO FAITHFUL.<br />
<br />
the action from this young woman in the bible has always encouraged me. but what has been more special is what Jesus replies with.<br />
<br />
[ DAUGHTER, your faith has healed you. go in peace. ]<br />
<br />
it gets me everytime! Jesus didn't even touch her + she was healed. for just BELIEVING.<br />
<br />
[[ you guys. i love it so much so that i got "daughter, your faith has healed you" tattooed on my arm last march. on the 12 year anniversary of my brain surgery. in my mom + dad's handwriting ... because obviously that was the only way they'd agree to it. hahaha. God Bless RT + LT for putting up with me. and letting me be my wild and free self all the time. ]]<br />
<br />
anyways ... now - i know to some this is a sticky subject. it is for myself as well. for many years of my life i was pelted with the lies of "well if you have enough faith you won't be sick anymore." or "if you really had Jesus in your heart and were walking with the Lord like you say you are, you wouldn't be sick at all."<br />
<br />
i beg to differ bro. because i love me some Jesus. and my immune system still doesn't love me.<br />
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />
but everything i have been through is so much greater than i think i even know now. there is an incredible purpose in store. and i think the older i get - the more aware of that truth i become.<br />
<br />
i've said it before + i'll say it till my lungs give out - my complete healing may not come on this earth. it may come in heaven. but the healing will still come. i am sure of that. it's promised.<br />
<br />
most days i long for the wholeness that heaven will bring. because if i'm being real with you - most days my body aches + i don't feel 100% ... but who wants to be the girl that is constantly whining about not having a perfect body? not me. that's for sure. so i just keep on trucking. because i know one day - my body will be perfect + whole + i won't even remember what this earthly one was like.<br />
<br />
last month i spent a week in ohio. i flew home to stand beside one of my best friends as she married the man that God designed just for her.<br />
<br />
since i knew i'd be home anyways - i scheduled my MRI + neurooncology appointment for that week.<br />
<br />
i'm not sure if it was the fact that my alaska life is just busy ... or if it was really a total peace from God but in the weeks leading up to my MRI i wasn't a trainwreck like i normally am before a scan. i didn't have a ton of scanxiety + i didn't feel like i was going to burst into tears every moment of every day.<br />
<br />
my mama and i made our way to cleveland clinic on a tuesday + can i just say that i will never forget that day.<br />
<br />
the beginning of my appointment didn't go well. 3 of my veins blew just trying to get my IV placed + then they just kept bleeding and bleeding. they had to change my bandaids and gauze before i was even walked back to my MRI.<br />
<br />
and my brain is so messed up that i sat there and thought to myself "great. i can't stop bleeding. i definitely have cancer. i have leukemia. i'm sure. can't wait to find out in an hour."<br />
<br />
also:: i'm not a complete psycho - i grew up around oncology. i know a lot. i also am covered in bruises + noonan syndrome can have a predisposition to some kinds of leukemia - so i'm not a psycho but...<br />
<br />
I AM A MESS. FIX IT LORD!<br />
<br />
well. i slept through most of my scan. but at first i thought i was having some kind of issue because i SWORE that a woman put me in the scan. and then it was a mans voice the whole time coming through the speakers. when he walked in i was like "phew you are a guy!!!" and he's like "haha yes sorry we tricked you!"<br />
<br />
anyways - after my scan we made our way to the pediatric oncology/hemotology office.<br />
<br />
they took my vitals - and as always - they measured me - which i find to be absolutely hilarious. because i'm 26. like ... do normal 26 year olds grow? hahah.<br />
<br />
within a few minutes my amazing doctor entered the room. she sat down. pulled up my scans + her next words were a blessing straight from heaven.<br />
<br />
she said "theres no growth. everything looks stable. if your tumor were to ever grow again, it would be absolutely remarkable. in a bad way - but still remarkable. i feel comfortable having no scan next year. how does that make you feel?"<br />
<br />
and holy smokes i wasn't sure if i should burst into tears or dance with my mama.<br />
<br />
i said "thats awesome...but it gives me a little anxiety."<br />
<br />
she said that pediatric neurooncology is kinda like the hotel california ... once you are there you never leave. HAHA! so she said i could come back and see her in a year + we could just make sure i'm doing well + not having any symptoms. that made me feel better.<br />
<br />
SHE ALSO SAID THIS:: that the parts of my brain they entered into to get to my tumor were totally healed + you couldn't even see where i had surgery.<br />
<br />
at that point ... i almost totally lost my mind.<br />
<br />
WHAT IS THIS LIFE!?<br />
<br />
so the rest of the appointment we just talked about our lives. i filled her in on alaska + she told me about her kids. and then we went to leave...<br />
<br />
so i gave dr. tekautz a big hug + she whispered in my ear "don't be afraid + don't take crap from anyone. if you are ever in ohio and need a nanny job - call me!" haha! she's the bomb.<br />
<br />
minutes later me and my mama busted outta that place singing songs of praise + basically danced to the car.<br />
<br />
we met my friend rachel so i could help her run some pre-wedding errands that day + she celebrated with me + i told her "this is awesome but also real scary." she helped me see the bright side of things but also didn't diminish my feelings. i love rach for that. she's so good at that. it's a beautiful quality.<br />
<br />
that day + the days following, i just kept thinking ... when something is such a big part of your life + then all of a sudden it's not - it's weird.<br />
<br />
like ... i've had over 30 MRI's in the last 12.5 years and then all of a sudden they say i don't need them anymore. ever. again.<br />
<br />
and i'm supposed to just be like "okay. it's all good. i'll just forget i have a tumor in my brain."<br />
<br />
that isn't realistic though you guys. i can't forget.<br />
<br />
but that day the texts POURED in. everyone was so excited!<br />
<br />
dad said "well you are just realizing what i've always known." ... his version of "your dad was in denial the past 12.5 years." hahaha. i love you papa.<br />
<br />
my dear friend nina texted me and reminded me of my tattoo. she was like "shelbs maybe God is trying to tell you "daughter, your faith has healed you." it made me all teary eyed + then i said "maybe but it would be easier if it was just gone!" couldn't be truer! hahaha we laughed.<br />
<br />
in all honesty - i'm still struggling with this. don't get me wrong. i'm thrilled. so grateful. but something about it is scary. everyone i've talked to that has experienced anything similar says these feelings are totally normal. i think normal is relative. but whatever i'm feeling is bizarre.<br />
<br />
i told mom and dad that i think i want to have a scan in 5 years. just for my own sanity. and then after that maybe never again. whats scary for me is i don't remember what i felt like in the days leading up to my diagnosis. all i know is what mom and dad have told me. so it's not like i can be like "oh yeah this means my brain tumor is growing." so when i think of having a check up at the 5 year mark it leaves me with a little extra peace.<br />
<br />
i still wake most mornings with that tiny part of my brain that goes "you could explode like a grenade you know?" and i'm like "NO! my neurooncologist said that would be remarkable." and my brain is like "but it would happen to you - everything about you is a mystery." and i'm like "SHUT UP BRAIN! i have a grand life to live!"<br />
<br />
SO I'M SCARED! BUT YOU GUYS! I CANT HELP IT! IM TRYING!! #hotmessexpress<br />
<br />
hahah. man. sometimes when i type things like this i feel like i'm actually insane. maybe i am.<br />
<br />
at church recently we sang one of my favorite kari jobe songs called miracles. and as i stood there - worshipping in the 4th row my eyes welled up with tears + i almost had to sit down. because it was like Jesus was standing there - holding me + saying "DAUGHTER! don't you see me moving? don't you see that i'm the God of miracles? believe it shelby elyse!"<br />
<br />
you know the feeling you have on christmas eve? where you are tucked back in your childhood bed and you can barely sleep because you know the morning will be so special? it will be filled with music + coffee + all your favorite people wrapped in blankets in the living room unwrapping packages that express your love? and you feel like you might actually burst!? and you want to sleep because you want the morning to come - but you also want to stay awake because you want to remember the moments?<br />
<br />
that's kinda how i feel about being healed. i want it to come. i truly do. but there are pieces of me that don't want it to. don't take this the wrong way people. i don't want to be sick. i don't want to have a brain tumor or a genetic disorder. but i think that if they all went away i would forget who i was without them. just like i want to fall asleep on christmas eve for the morning to come. i long to be healed because i want a new body. and just as i want to stay awake to remember the moments - i want a part of me to not be healed because i want to remember who Jesus wants me to be IN this.<br />
<br />
so maybe for now. i stay in the space of drifting in and out of sleep on christmas eve. maybe for now i'm okay with still having a brain tumor and not needing scans. maybe for now i'm okay with still having a genetic disorder and having issues because of it - but i stay thankful for the things we have under control + the small things that have gone away. maybe for now i'm okay with my days being filled with aches + feeling yucky - but i stay thankful for the good days when nothing hurts + i feel like i am wonder woman.<br />
<br />
because one day ... one day it'll be like christmas morning.<br />
<br />
because one day ... one day i will stand before my FATHER + He will look into my eyes + say "DAUGHTER! your faith has healed you!"<br />
<br />
and i hope that young woman is waiting beside him. and i hope she can take me hand and show me around. and i hope she can get a glimpse into my story + i can hear all of hers. and i hope that Jesus will sit with us both + i hope that He will tell me what i have always known.<br />
<br />
that her pain - that beautiful young woman's pain - meant something because it helped me. and that my pain. it means something. because it is going to help someone.<br />
<br />
and that her healing - her precious and miraculous healing - meant something because it helped me. and that my healing - it will mean something. large or small. because it is going to help someone. </div>
<div>
<br />
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />[ the One who made the blind to see. is moving here in front of me. moving here in front of me. the One who made the deaf to hear. is silencing my every fear. silencing my every fear. i believe in You. i believe in You. You're the God of miracles. the one who does impossible is reaching out to make me whole. reaching out to make me whole. the one who put death in it's place. His life is flowing through my veins. life is flowing through my veins. i believe in you. i believe in you. You're the God of miracles. i believe in You. i believe in You. You're the God of miracles. the God who was and is to come. the power of the risen One. the God who brings the dead to life. You're the God of miracles. i believe in You! i believe in You! You're the God of miracles! ]<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br /></div>
Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-18500242676579398702017-08-07T02:05:00.003-04:002017-08-07T02:13:19.511-04:00he loves me like i love summer.i love summer.<br />
<br />
summer is my sweet spot. the sunshine makes everything in my being feel good. i feel more alive in summer. summer always brought the best memories. mama had her summers off from teaching. which was such a blessing. we had pool days and lazy days. my friends and i ran wild through cul de sacs and ice cream was a staple food. vbs was my very favorite week to look forward to + i loved visiting my family + swimming with the cousins. we caught lightning bugs at dusk + left all the windows open all night.<br />
<br />
we spent every july at sunset beach in north carolina. my entire life we basked in the sun at my favorite place in the world. everything about being there brought healing and it felt like home. the car rides to and from were filled with james taylor + michael w smith music + holding our breath in the tunnels through the mountains. sunset beach - get ready - after a 2 year hiatus for weddings + all things alaska - the taylor gang is coming back in 2018.<br />
<br />
in junior high my 3 best friends and i - along with our moms adventured all summer. zoos and cedar point. pool days and matinees. we must have gone to geauga lake 5 times that summer. [ rest in peace geauga lake ] i remember loving every moment. i remember laying in bed at night exhausted - yet filled to the brim with happiness + still feeling like i was on a roller coaster. [ ya'll know what i mean. right? also: why does this happen to us? ] i loved that summer. i hope to never forget it. i hope to never forget any summer.<br />
<br />
i love the laid back - no schedule feeling that summer brings. i love being outside in my bare feet + tank top. i love being sun kissed. i love dinner on the patio + spontaneous picnics + having bonfires with the people i love the most. theres something special about it for me. i love hanging out with your friends + the feeling you get when the boy you had a crush on talks to you at the bonfire. i love sitting on front porches playing cards + going to drive ins + cleveland indians games. theres just something about it. i love heat lightening and warm thunderstorms - the ones that made you crawl in bed with your big brother when you were little. i love concerts at blossom music center. and dancing with dad at them without a care in the world. i love festivals and fairs and all the food at them. i just love summer.<br />
<br />
but this year ... it just hasn't been the same. much like every other major change in my life over the past 10 months - this summer was different. i don't eat dinner outside every night + i barely have a tan. i have eaten ice cream exactly two times. there are no pool days and no spontaneous picnics. and i haven't had one sleepless night because i feel like i'm riding a roller coaster. HA! also: alaska doesn't have lightning bugs. or lightning - or thunder.<br />
<br />
however...<br />
<br />
this weekend i was with my friends who have adopted me. [don't worry - mama t + rt approve of the adoption. everyone has met and everyone loves each other.] but saturday was probably the most beautiful alaskan day i've experienced. we went to garage sales + berry picking + hiked and walked and we were just together.<br />
<br />
together is my love language.<br />
<br />
i was driving in the car with amanda + her kids + i thought "what does today feel like? why does this seem familiar?"<br />
<br />
and then it suddenly hit me<br />
<br />
TODAY FEELS LIKE SUMMER IN OHIO.<br />
<br />
because when i was little we went garage sale shopping with grandpa herman all summer long when he'd come visit. because i picked fruit and veggies from grandma + grandpa taylor's garden whenever we went there. and then grandma taylor showed me how to can them. because i go on walks with my friends. and no ohio people - you can't call cuyahoga valley national park hiking. if you think it's hiking - come to alaska - then you'll understand. it is a walk. because the sun was shining + i wasn't cold + we walked around a farmers market + it just. i don't know... i guess<br />
<br />
it just felt like ohio.<br />
<br />
last week one of my precious doctors died. he was my geneticist. i met him when i was 9 years old. his name was dr. haynes robinson. and that man was a gentle giant. dr. robinson brought joy and hope to work with him. and i am so sad i didn't get to say goodbye. when i saw the press release from akron children's hospital my eyes welled up with tears. it is a strange feeling when someone who helped you stay well dies. i remember my days with him well. he walked with us in the thick of heartache.<br />
<br />
he helped diagnosis my genetic disorder - noonan syndrome. he was there when i had to get test after test. he would joke "i think you shrunk." when i would see him after weeks of growth hormone shots. i remember the way he spoke to mama + dad. exceptionally brilliant + yet extremely tender hearted. pediatric doctors are special that way.<br />
<br />
he was with us in the days leading up to my brain surgery - and the days after. i remember having an appointment a few days before my brain surgery with him. he had to check my entire body for freckles and moles and more to make sure i wasn't going to start growing tumors all over. apparently that can happen with noonan syndrome. and i remember feeling relieved to see him. because he was a familiar face. i knew no one else in this scary world of pediatric neurosurgery i had just been thrown into. but i knew him. and i remember hugging him as i left his office that day - sad that i had to walk out of the familiar + into the unknown + totally terrifying world of brain tumors again.<br />
<br />
seeing him that afternoon was like a summer day in ohio when you've been drowing in alaska rain.<br />
<br />
i will forever be grateful for that day with him. i hope to never forget it.<br />
<br />
i will forever be grateful for this weekend too. i hope to never forget it.<br />
<br />
this weekend was like a summer day in ohio ... this weekend God gave me a hint of home.<br />
<br />
oh my heart. i long for the day when every day will feel like summer in Glory. do you think heaven will have a type of season like we've never experienced? like maybe God is holding out on us. summer - fall - winter - spring won't exist. but a 5th season of absolute bliss will instead? i sure hope so. but man i hope there is a beach. because if i'm being real with you - i'd like to go for a walk with Jesus on the beach. hold His hand and walk to the pier like i used to do with daddy. cause boy do i have a lot of things to talk to Jesus about.<br />
<br />
[ these are the things that keep me up at night people. wondering if there is a 5th season in heaven. and coming up with questions to ask JC on the beach. ]<br />
<br />
Jesus loves me this i know ... for the Bible tells me so.<br />
<br />
He loves me like i love summer.<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-994056285723288332017-06-18T14:36:00.001-04:002017-06-18T14:41:15.333-04:00my daddy did + it changed my life.<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">to my future daughter. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">from your single 25 year old mama - on fathers day.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">sweet girl, </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope you have a daddy just like mine one day. not only do i hope - i pray you do. because my daddy is one in a million + he changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope your daddy prays for you before you are born. i hope he stands beside your fresh self in the nursery + let's you grab his little finger - or picks you up from a far away land + instantly knows that you belong to him - even though you are adopted. i hope he calls everyone he knows and rejoices that he has a little girl + asks them to pray for you for the rest of their lives. not only do i hope - i pray for that. because my daddy did + it changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope your daddy drives you to dance class + ends up in the ballet recital with you. i hope he runs beside your bike the day he takes your training wheels off + yells "keep pedaling!" and i hope he lets go even though he promised he wouldn't. i hope he takes you outside after dinner + teaches you to play baseball. "keep your eye on the ball!" he will say. i hope he promises you ice cream if you hit it over the fence. i hope he screams "homer!!! ladies + gentleman she did it!" when you do. and i hope he buckles you up + drives you to get your favorite superman ice cream. and i hope you find an old tree stump to sit on behind the ice cream shop + i hope he plops you up there so you can be tall. when we go on vacation i hope he searches the sandy beach with you for the stinky fish + takes you down to the dunes late at night to see the baby turtles. i hope you take long walks to the pier + he takes you off the island for put-put + bumper boats. and most of all i hope he takes you to get chocolate chip pancakes with extra whip cream for breakfast one morning. just you and him. not only do i hope - i pray for that because my daddy did + it changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope your daddy colors Easter eggs with you every year. and gets up with you extra early on Christmas. i hope he helps make crowns for your birthdays + pretends that all the gifts mama picked out were his idea. i hope he allows you to live a magical childhood. i hope he comes up with little things to call you like "weezer" + "the little general" + "trooper" i hope he asks you about your dreams + tells you that with God anything is possible. i hope he lets you play dress up every day so you can look just like your sister + i hope he doesn't flinch when tiny you comes downstairs in a super hero cape + no shirt because you want to be like your brother. i hope he paints your nails + learns to do your hair. i hope he tells you to dream big. the sky is the limit - he might say - as he begs you to stay little forever. i hope he dances with you around the house to your favorite song. and i hope he asks you to dance at every wedding + party you go to. and i hope you aren't embarrassed + i hope you dance your heart out. not only do i hope - i pray for that because my daddy did + it changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope you watch the way your daddy loves your mama + i hope you pray for a husband just like him one day. i hope you watch the way he loves your sister + walks with her through the hard. i hope you watch the way he cheers on your brother + champions him to be a courageous man of God. i hope you learn to love your mama and daddy by watching him love his. what i mean is this:: watch the way daddy loves grandma + grandpa. it's truly special. i hope your daddy has incredible sisters + brothers so you can have special relationships with your aunts and uncles. i hope you watch your daddy love his friends well. i hope by watching him you will learn to love yours well. you see how your daddy will drive hours just to be with his favorite people? or hop on planes to be with his friends when tragedy strikes? i want you to do that too one day. i hope your daddy loves hard + fierce. i hope he roots for the under dog + never meets a stranger. not only do i hope - i pray for that because my daddy did + it changed my life.</span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope you come down stairs to find your daddy having his quiet time with Jesus + i hope he lets you sit with him as he prays. i hope you listen well to those prayers. baby - i hope you always ask your daddy to pray for people you love. i hope he prays every morning for everyone he can think of. not only do i hope - i pray for that because my daddy did + it changed my life.</span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope that when the hard times come - and they will - that you cling to daddy. i hope after that big fall off the swing that daddy cleans off your scrape + gives you the Barbie bandaid. i hope when the boy breaks your heart that you sit in the kitchen with coffee with dad + talk it over. i hope when the big surgery comes that you let him hug you a little longer. i know you will ask for your mama - but maybe just one time ask for your papa - he needs you to. do it for daddy. i hope that if life throws a curve ball of depression at you in your 20's that your daddy takes you out for lemon cheesecake. i hope that you laugh together + get teary eyed together as you tell him how hard it's been. i hope he tells you that you will get through it. i hope that because you watch him lean into the Lord for strength - you will be able to also. your daddy is so strong. i hope you never forget that. not only do i hope - i pray because my daddy did all of this + it changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope your daddy gets to drive you to school every morning. i hope he knows that you can't have a full conversation until he hands you that cup of coffee that's really just creamer. i hope he doesn't yell when you make him late. i hope he flies through red lights joking that they were "orange!" i hope he lets you stare out the window + not talk the whole way there if that's what you need. i hope that if you are grumpy he calls you "stormy" and sings you the song by dennis yost. i hope he tells you about his morning walks + time talking to Jesus. i hope you walk in to school with your arm in his - proud that he is your dad. i hope he has a funny walk + a brief case twice his size. i hope when he sees you in the hallway you both light up. i hope he embarrasses you in front of the boy you think is cute by calling you a silly nickname. i hope you can run to his office when you have a bad day + he'll throw a fruit snack at you. i hope that when your report card ends up in his hands + not in the mailbox that he'll say "sweet girl you tried your hardest! math is hard! i got a D in 8th grade math!" and i hope you are PROUD to have a dad who you get to do life with. not only do i hope - i pray for this because i spent all those days with my dad + it changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i hope your daddy loves your girl friends as his own daughters + your guy friends as his own sons. and sweet girl - if your daddy knows someone isn't a good influence for you - RUN. i know it's hard - and you think you know best but you don't. keep around the friends he loves. i hope he has you invite them on vacations + over for barbecue's. i hope we love your friends so well that even if you aren't home they still come over. i hope your daddy mentors the boys who walk through life as your brothers in Christ + i hope he sets a standard for the girls who walk beside you as your sisters. i hope that they call him when life is hard. and i hope they feel safe with us. i hope one day your friends love him so much they ask him to officiate their weddings. not only do i hope - i pray for that because my daddy did + he changed my life. </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">i could go on forever dear one. but i think you get it. right?</span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">life is short + hard + magical + fun darling. but if i could pray for just one thing for you - it's that you have a spectacular daddy + baby i pray that you love him well. </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<style type="text/css">
p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 23.0px Times; color: #454545; -webkit-text-stroke: #454545}
p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Times; color: #454545; -webkit-text-stroke: #454545; min-height: 20.0px}
span.s1 {font-kerning: none}
</style>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">because i do ... my daddy is spectacular + oh my heart i love him well.</span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">he changed my life. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: small;">be brave + love big</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: small;">i love you,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">mama</span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-13764536304271010562017-05-06T04:16:00.002-04:002017-05-06T04:17:17.134-04:00[ i feel just like a sailboat... ] years ago i loved a quote that said [ i'm so young ... i just want to drift. ] but i'm beginning to think that maybe that isn't what i want at all. i guess it depends. on one hand ... drifting sounds blissful and something my free spirit longs for. but on the other drifting sounds lazy and like my life could end up super boring. so i don't think i want to drift. i think i want to <span style="color: #a64d79;">sail</span>.<br />
<br />
ever since i can remember there has been something about water that has always brought healing to my soul. simply seeing big oceans that make me feel small brings me peace. after each big stressful event for my entire life we made our way to sunset beach - my favorite place on earth. [ if you want to read about it - click here -> <a href="http://www.shelbybrave.com/2014/08/i-just-wanna-stay-right-here.html">sunset beach</a> ] sunset beach has always brought healing. it feels like home. the ocean feels like home. i feel my best in the sunshine. it is good for my soul. and my health. and my hair. these curls love that saltwater life.<br />
<br />
so it makes sense...that when the Lord wanted me to be brave + move. He spoke through my sister with the analogy of putting my <span style="color: #a64d79;">sails</span> up + letting God be my wind. [ if you want to read about it - click here -> <a href="http://www.shelbybrave.com/2016/07/i-am-wind-in-your-sails.html">the wind</a> ]<br />
<br />
one of my favorite musicians is named ben rector. he has a song about a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>. and the more i hear it - the more i get it. he writes...<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">[ i feel just like a sailboat. don't know where i'm headed. but you can't make the wind blow. from a sailboat. i have seen the sun. felt the rain on my skin. i've been lost and found. mostly i've been waiting. oh i'm out in the waves and i'm hoping and praying. please let this wind blow me home. and night after night theres an empty horizon. my God do i feel so alone. sometimes life. and most times i feel just like a sailboat. i'm pretty sure i'm heard. at least i know i'm speaking. but i feel like a fool yeah. cause i can't hear you listening. but i'm not giving up. i'm gunna move on forward. i'm gunna raise my sails. God knows what i'm headed towards. oh i'm out in the waves and i'm hoping and praying. please let this wind blow me home. night after night theres an empty horizon. my God do i feel so alone. sometimes life. and most times i feel just like a sailboat. only change i see. lost or found at sea. only difference. is believing i'll make it in. oh i'm out in the waves and i'm hoping and praying please let this wind blow me home. night after night theres an empty horizon. my God do i feel so alone. sometimes life. and most times i feel just like a sailboat. ]</span><br />
<br />
ben - if you ever read this - i think you are pretty neat.<br />
<br />
okay. holy smokes you guys. i feel like a freaking <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span> lately. please let this wind blow me home my heart cries often. but at the same time i am confident that God knows what i'm headed towards. i think the line in the song that is speaking to my soul the most lately is "i've been lost and found. mostly i've been waiting."<br />
<br />
lost:: when i arrived here i felt incredibly lost. now don't get me wrong. the family i nanny for is great + they have been extremely generous + helpful. but it was so weird to be in this new place. knowing no one. coming from a place where i was sure to run into someone i knew basically anywhere i went. i hated having to use the gps to get everywhere. the unfamiliarity of everything was enough to bring me to tears some days. it was definitely not smooth <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailing</span> right away.<br />
<br />
i remember my second week here i got a terrible migraine. it was a friday. probably my worst migraine of 2016. i left work that september day and crawled into bed. i called my beautiful mama + just sobbed on the phone to her. no one was here to help me. i felt so alone. i felt so lost. she prayed hard for me that night on the phone + i cried myself to sleep. that was a rough day. in case you didn't realize. i felt so lost that day. thankfully things got better.<br />
<br />
found:: i finally feel found. there were so many days the past 7 months where i was like "i'm right here God - do you see me? are you listening? could you send me some people?!" hear me on this:: i wasn't doubting His presence or His plan. i was just lonely. some days i still am. but i feel found. Jesus has found me right where i am. He has been faithful even when i have been doubtful. i have found people here. oh my heart bursts with thankfulness for the people i have found here. i desperately needed people here. my church + my friends here make me feel found. i longed for that. it took awhile but my prayers were answered. i feel like i have found my footing + my soul has found rest. i have found pieces of myself here that i don't think i would have found had i stayed in ohio.<br />
<br />
[ also: i have found that not everyone here loves LeBron James ... my goal is to change minds on that one. ugh i can't even think about it too much or i get mad. whatever. LEBRON FOR LIFE YO. ]<br />
<br />
anyways. i felt lost. but i finally feel found.<br />
<br />
waiting:: as john mayer smoothly sings... [ waiting ... waiting ... waiting on the world to change. ] but i'm not waiting on that. i'm waiting on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 reminds us " wait for the Lord - be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." this has been a verse that i have clung to since i moved here. despite my extremely free spirit ... i don't like to wait.<br />
<br />
i'm a "mom we have to get this appliance i saw on the infomercials today because it can cook anything in 3 minutes or less" kinda girl. i'm dead serious. i missed a lot of school growing up - because i was always sick. and if i wasn't sleeping i was watching infomercials or the food network. i also watched the disney cruise line 2 hour special basically on loop for years. and so obviously when i got my make a wish we went on a disney cruise. and yes. i'm the cliche kid who chose a disney vacation for her wish. but you know what. it was THE BOMB. and you should totally go on a disney cruise. and also... it seems fitting to talk about my cruise. because ... it was a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>.<br />
<br />
[ i'm full of the jokes. ]<br />
<br />
lately i've been doing a whole lot of waiting. waiting for the Lord to show me the big reason i'm here. waiting. waiting. waiting. but i trust that He will reveal it soon enough. it's an interesting spot to be in. having no idea what is in store. having no direction of where to go next. but somehow ... somehow i am finding peace in the waiting. the waiting for whatever is to come.<br />
<br />
and yes grandma - i hope it's my husband too. HAHAHA. kidding. kinda. not really. okay lets me real real for a minute - if any of you know a jesus loving dream boat that can deal with my drama + spunk + inability to place commas HIT ME UP! hahah. no shame. no shame at all.<br />
<br />
okay... anyways.<br />
<br />
as i reflected back on the idea of feeling like a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>. and remembering how the Lord spoke to me to get here. if you haven't read that blog post - scroll up + click on the link + go read it. God is just so cool.<br />
<br />
i was reminded of another song that my sista-friend rachel sent me months ago...<br />
<br />
it was released by hillsong in 2015. it's called captain.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">[ through waters uncharted my soul with embark. i'll follow Your voice straight into the dark. and if from the course you intend i depart. speak through the sails of my wandering heart. like the wind You'll guide. clear the skies before me. and i'll glide this open sea. like the starts Your words will align my voyage. and remind me where i've been. and where i am going. lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog. your truth is the compass that points me back north. Jesus my Captain my souls trusted Lord. all my allegiance is rightfully Yours. like the wind You'll guide. clear the skies before me. and i'll glide these open seas. like the stars Your word will align my voyage. and remind me where i've been. and where i am going. like the wind You'll guide. clear the skies before me. and i'll glide this open sea. like the stars Your words will align my voyage. and remind me where i've been. and where i am going. Jesus my Captain my souls trusted Lord. all my allegiance is rightfully Yours. ] </span><br />
<br />
when i first heard it - i was getting ready to leave. and yet again - the Lord was speaking to me through this idea of <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailing</span> + letting Him be in charge. this week this song has been on repeat. i've listened in the car. in the shower. before bed. while i'm doing dishes. and i just keep praying over and over again. [ okay Jesus - keep me close - help me not to miss anything you have for me here - guide me - and don't let go of this heart of mine that is just feeling like a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>. ]<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #a64d79;">[ JESUS MY CAPTAIN MY SOULS TRUSTED LORD...ALL MY ALLEGIANCE IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS.] </span><br />
<br />
oh my heart. that line. it fills me to the brim. it brings truth and comfort and promises from both Him and i. i don't think you could ask for a better picture of how He loves.<br />
<br />
so lately i feel like a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>. but i am trusting that my Captain will guide my voyage.<br />
<br />
and theres something about drifting that makes my soul sing. but something about <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailing</span> feels right. either way. my Captain's in charge. and that alone brings abundant joy.<br />
<br />
do you ever feel like a <span style="color: #a64d79;">sailboat</span>? talk to the Captain. He will guide you. i promise.<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-79480637147580557872017-04-12T01:09:00.004-04:002017-04-12T01:44:12.256-04:00i'm a fan of His![ hey - if you are new here: welcome! my name is shelby. i am 5 feet of spunk with giant dreams + a crazy life. somehow i ended up in alaska but i'm from ohio. i love coffee + popcorn + just about anything covered in chocolate. if i could eat one food the rest of my life it would probably be a cobb salad with chicken and extra ranch dressing. i would like to tell you i do awesome things like run marathons - but i don't. the only marathon i am interested in is a netflix marathon. i have an amazing family + a tribe of incredible friends. i'm still trying to find my footing here in AK but i am confident that the Lord has great things in store. so grab a coffee + read on. also: i missed a lot of school growing up + my grammar struggles because of that. i never met a comma i liked + capital letters seem like a waste of time. but many before you have gotten over it - so i think you can too! okay here we go... ]<br />
<br />
my whole life my dad has said the same sentence many different ways.<br />
<br />
if you know him - you've probably heard it.<br />
<br />
[also if you don't know him - you should. roger roy taylor is the BEST ever.]<br />
<br />
dad always says...<br />
<br />
"i'm a big fan of his." ... "she's a big fan of yours." "they are big fans of you!"<br />
<br />
it's his little trademark. he has a lot of those. the older i get though i am beginning to find out he didn't make them all up on his own. for instance. my entire life he's said "a tradition unlike any other" when anything special happens that we have a tradition for. vacation. birthdays. christmas day. and let me tell you i was shocked to find out that he didn't make it up. it just has to do with the Masters. which makes sense. but i thought RT came up with the best slogan ever for fun events. you know?<br />
<br />
anyway...<br />
<br />
when i flew home in march my dad picked me up from the airport. after only being in the car for a few minutes he asked me about a friend of mine from highschool. a few years back i asked dad to pray for him. i remember sitting at the kitchen bar that day telling dad this friend wasn't walking with the Lord anymore + dad just said "keep loving him shelbs. keep loving him. and we will pray." so here we are the first week of march a few years later + dad asks about him. "i haven't seen him for months dad - i live in alaska so i'm not sure how he is." he tells me "i pray for him every morning on my walk. i'm a fan of his." i tell dad that i pray too + that i truly believe the Lord has something in store for this old friend. i also - am a fan of his.<br />
<br />
a few years back a book became super popular. it was called "not a fan." kyle idleman wrote it. the whole concept was that we need to stop living this life of being a fan of jesus + not actually a follower. well. with no offense to kyle. i think it's possible to be both. and maybe that is immature thinking on my part. and maybe i'm completely wrong.<br />
<br />
but maybe...i'm not. because when i hear someone say "i'm a fan of yours." what i hear is "i believe in you! i have faith in you! i love you! i'm here + i will ALWAYS have your back." and that is how i feel about Jesus. and i hope that is how Jesus feels about me. because i believe that the people you love the most are the ones you should be a fan of. and i am a fan of Jesus. i believe that He is capable. i have faith in His plan. i love Him. i am here + ready for His plan for my life. and i hope with all my soul that i will ALWAYS have His back. that i will never waiver to the point where i'm no longer a fan. i don't think being a fan of His is necessarily a bad thing. i think i can be a fan of Jesus.<br />
<br />
this adventure the Lord has me on has stretched me in ways i never knew were possible. i have grown more in these 7 months than in the previous few years i believe. i have been able to fall in love with Jesus all over again. the hard days here have been HARD. but the good days have been glorious. and i believe that this is only the beginning. last weekend havilah cunnington spoke at a women's conference at my church. the theme was i do hard things. i laughed a lot at the irony. because this whole living in the land of ice and snow and knowing no one has been really hard. the kind of hard that made me start going [but Lord ... i'm not a fan of this place!!!] i was telling my friend that being here has been a totally different kind of hard for me. i can handle the physical hard. i can handle the brain tumor + the genetic disorder. i can handle the migraines + the fatigued days. i can handle the immune system crashes + my body being just a step behind everyone elses. but the mental hard. it's a different kind of hard. the loneliness + confusion were hard. the bad days are getting few and far between but some days are still rough. some days i'm still not a fan. <br />
<br />
i miss home. i miss my people. i miss my mom and i miss my dad. i miss hearing him come through the door and make some joke about my dog Scout Finch being the only one to greet him. i miss eating popcorn with my mom while we watch dancing with the stars. i miss my best friends. i miss my church. i just miss it. for awhile i assumed all of that meant that i hated this place i now call home. but i don't believe that to be true. just like i think i can be a fan and a follower of Jesus. i think i can be a fan of ohio + a fan of alaska. it's certainly getting easier to be here.<br />
<br />
my friendships here are just beginning to flourish. my closest friends here all have husbands and some of them have kids too. so i basically just have added myself to these families. + i have told them all to tell me when they get sick of me hahah! yesterday i was talking to my friend about a family i am growing to love here. and i did it ... i pulled a roger. and as soon as i said it i thought [dear Lord - i am am becoming my father! WOOHOOO!] i said [ i'm a big fan of them!] [them meaning my new friend amanda + her husband shane + their super cool kids. I LOVE EM!] but as soon as i said it i'm like [okay that means something.] because i'll be real with you. i'm not a fan of everyone. HAHAH. i'm so dead serious. there isn't another way to say it. but i'm a fan of theirs... manda + mr. cool you guys are the best.<br />
<br />
last night after i left my new friends house i was laying in bed + talking to God. i straight up told him. "this season has been hard Man - but thanks for giving me some people. for right here for right now." and the still small voice said "you can do this! i believe in you!" ... and if we are going with the theme here ... i think that means He's a fan of mine.<br />
<br />
but i gotta say ... and i'm sorry to go against the curve here ... but i'm a BIG FAN of Jesus.<br />
<br />
i can't wait to see what He has in store.<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-13105148258989634262017-01-20T00:33:00.001-05:002017-01-20T00:33:52.697-05:00so HE can show up + SHINEthis year i have promised to be more vulnerable and honest with you.<br />
<br />
i have promised to be bold and brave.<br />
<br />
i have chosen to have the hard conversations no matter the cost.<br />
<br />
and i am willing to write about things i have been unwilling to write about before.<br />
<br />
if you know me you know i get sick a lot. i was the kid that missed a million days of school + who became bff's with her doctors. if i had to narrow my health down to three topics it would be:: genetic disorder. brain tumor. immunosuppressed. and those of course all branch out into much more complicated stories of their own. because when it comes to health problems nothing is easy. i am complicated + confusing + if someone handed you my charts you'd be shocked i'm still breathing. that is just how it is. it has always been this way + i think it always will be.<br />
<br />
true story:: there have been so many times doctors have brought other doctors in just to see me. one time at the dermatologist they were fascinated by my genetic disorder + my mama + i just laughed. it's typical. i'm unique. that is the bottom line.<br />
<br />
and you know what? that is okay. because this is my story.<br />
<br />
last weekend i was spending time with a family i am growing to love more and more here in alaska. saturday afternoon as i was sautéing balsamic brussel sprouts in their kitchen + coughing up a storm from my bronchitis - one of their kids asked me about being sick. i quickly glazed over it + he simply stated "well why don't you just get prayed for and get healed?" he quickly dug his hole deeper + followed it up with "maybe God is testing you?" his mom yelled into the kitchen for him to just stop talking hahah.<br />
<br />
he meant no harm. and i took no offense because he's a 14 year old boy + their brains are mush. plus. he wasn't the first person to ask me this in my life. i wasn't surprised or caught off guard. people have often asked these hard questions.<br />
<br />
oh how i wish it was that simple though. to just get prayed for and get healed. how glorious would life be if that happened every single time!? but then again ... it wouldn't be simple would it?<br />
<br />
i explained to him that if i was healed - i wouldn't be me. i wouldn't have my story. and i wouldn't be able to minister to the people i do. i told him that people have prayed for healing for me - but that God's plan isn't for everyone to be healed. i wish it was. but i am not the author of my story. the Lord is. and His story is perfect. even if that means i have to live in an imperfect body that turns on itself every once in a while.<br />
<br />
i started to imagine it though ... if i had been healed. like. completely healed. what would life look like?<br />
<br />
yes. life would have been much simpler had i never been sick in the first place. if i was born + was a completely healthy baby. if i never got a brain tumor. if my genetic disorder didn't decide to pick me as it's culprit out of the blue.<br />
<br />
i could sit here + scream + cry + tell you that it's not fair. that i deserve better. that i deserve a new body. right now. but i won't. because that isn't how i feel.<br />
<br />
because if i had never been sick there would be some other kind of battle. maybe mental illness or a broken family. or one of my siblings or parents could have been the one with chronic illness. and let me tell you. i could NOT handle that. i would pick a brain tumor + being stuck in bed sick every few months over just about any other issue. i would consider myself to be strong + brave + able to push through just about anything. but in all honesty - the minute someone else i love is sick or in pain i panic. i tell them [ go to the doctor! what if you are dying? you need bloodwork! ] i am a great patient + not a great care taker when it comes to sickness. i'll take it - spare the rest of them i say!!!<br />
<br />
now. hear me people! this isn't to say that the Lord hasn't healed me at all. He has. He has performed absolute miracles on me.<br />
<br />
[ for instance:: when i was born they told mom + dad that i would be blind and deaf and need oxygen and a feeding tube the rest of my life. they said i may not walk or talk + a million other "she will nevers" BUT! HELLO! they were wrong! i have crappy vision + extraordinary hearing. my lungs can produce a scream better than the movies + decide to develop pneumonia all in one week. i don't have a feeding tube + i never shut up + i walk just fine. again. the doctors aren't the authors. GOD is the author. HE has the final say. ]<br />
<br />
all i'm saying is that I haven't been COMPLETELY healed.<br />
<br />
but what i'm beginning to realize is that isn't what i would want anyway.<br />
<br />
our trials make us who we are. and i think i've always known this - it's just more apparent in my adult life.<br />
<br />
wouldn't you agree?<br />
<br />
maybe you have suffered from an eating disorder or depression. maybe you went through a sticky divorce or one of your kids has walked away from God. maybe you are battling cancer or lost a child. whatever it may be - despite the hurt and pain and terrible times. can't you look back + see what God was doing? see that His intention wasn't to harm you? see that your faith has grown despite the unimaginable being your reality?<br />
<br />
maybe you aren't there yet. you are sitting there going [ she is off her rocker. slow your roll shelby. you are so wrong. i am in the middle of a mess. God is no where. ]<br />
<br />
but i promise you ... one day you will get there. you will realized that your faith has been refined in the fire. that the Lord showed up in the loss. that beautiful things come from the biggest battles. and that GRACE is all you see.<br />
<br />
the Lord's plan for my life has never been to give me a perfect body here on earth. His plan for my life has been to ALLOW me to live in a body that battles itself. so that HE can show up + shine through me anyway. despite the imperfection.<br />
<br />
because after all ... that is what we all are ... completely imperfect.<br />
<br />
so i don't want to be healed. because that isn't the plan.<br />
<br />
i just wanna live a life that the Lord would be proud of.<br />
<br />
i just wanna shine. <br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse taylor<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-31429844521218011752017-01-03T00:23:00.001-05:002017-01-03T00:43:54.987-05:00vulnerable. brave. willing. ready. it's january now. and i am promising this year that i will be more vulnerable. more honest. more willing to have the hard conversations. more willing to hear truth spoken in love. more secure in who i am + more able to be exactly who i was created to be. i am promising to be brave no matter the cost + find complete refuge in Christ - trusting that His "it's all good shelbs - I've got it." is truth. i'm ready. or at least i'm ready to try.<br />
<br />
last year ... last year i promised to live up to a quote that simply said "this year i will be stronger, braver, kinder, unstoppable + this year i will be fierce!" and let me just say ...<br />
<br />
i think i did it. i was strong and brave + unstoppable when i moved to alaska.<br />
<br />
i hope i was kind ... i guess that is up to you guys.<br />
<br />
and i'm not gunna lie ... i am so FIERCE!!!!<br />
<br />
okay back to this year. this year is new. this year is different.<br />
<br />
last week i read the book "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Bread-Wine-Letter-Around-Recipes/dp/0310328179/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483422102&sr=8-1&keywords=bread+and+wine">bread + wine</a>" by shauna niequist. it was one of the most beautiful and transparent books i have ever read. i laughed out loud + cried ugly tears. i found myself longing to be more transparent. i found myself relating to her writing + feeling like she was across the table from me - handing me a gluten free pastry + a big cup of hot coffee + saying "it's okay sister - you can be honest with yourself." i found myself dreaming of becoming a wife and mom and filling my house with people and all the best foods. i found myself missing my tribe back home + weeping because i knew if i was home they would be my cooking club. i found myself relating to her heart + her hurt. i found myself thankful that she's a mess just like the rest of us + her ability to be honest about it is something i hope to get better at this year.<br />
<br />
because people ... i am a mess. sometimes a wreck. i am loud and unabashedly bold. sometimes too bold. i am so imperfect. i hurt people. i scream and yell and sometimes i'm totally out of control. i often tell people i need the t-shirt that says [ i love Jesus - but i cuss a little. ] because i do. when i'm angry or excited - choice words flow from my lips - sometimes too easily. just last week i flipped out at my brother and said SH*T like 5 times or maybe 10 + my parents were there + i was wild and out of control. i'm crazy. brutally honest. rude and sometimes mean. and i could name off handfuls of people that REALLY don't like me. but you know what?<br />
<br />
<b>my identity is not found in your opinion of me</b><br />
<br />
+ i refuse to keep living like it is. i refuse to worry anymore about what you think of me. whether that be loving me or hating me. it's exhausting. i think so many people feel this way. why do we care how many people follow us on instagram? why do we live in expectation - hoping someone "cool" will want to be our friend? the pressure some days is too much - and i feel like my entire being could just explode - like a grenade. i don't wish to keep living this way for one more day. i refuse it. i say to myself [ no - this isn't just - this isn't what matters - stop! ] + i step away from my phone + i breathe in the cool alaska air + i remind myself what matters.<br />
<br />
towards the end of shauna's book she has a chapter about summer - and as i read it i cried + remembered + i laughed + dreamed. i related to her on every level. except the part about having a baby. haha. throughout the book shauna beautifully discloses her body shame and how she dealt with it for the better part of her life. but in this particular chapter she talks of summer + all the spectacular things that come with it + then she talks about the dreadful parts as well - being seen in a bathing suit. a few quotes stuck out to me as she unpacked her box of worry. she said [ my friends are not actually counting the days till summer to see if i've finally turned into a supermodel. ] haha! but i think the best part of all was this ... [ shame ... it whispers to us that everyone is as obsessed with our failings as we are. it insists that there is a watchdog group devoted completely to my weight or her wrinkles or his shrinking bank account ... shame tells us we're wrong for having the audacity to be happy when we're so clearly terrible. shame wants us to be deeply apologetic for just daring to exist. ] + then she redeems that whole rant by sweeting admitting that she will not live like that anymore. she says [ i'm going to live in the body God made me, not because it's perfect but because it's mine ... i'm not going to let a lifetime of shame about my body get in the way of living in a rich, wild, grateful, wide-open way. i'm not going to give into the cultural pressure that says women's bodies are only beautiful when they're very, very small ... i'm not going to bow to the voice inside my head that says i should be ashamed of myself for being so unruly and wild ... i'm not going to hide. ] oh this part it made we weep. it brought memories of my childhood on the beach + memories of feeling shame now. i said "you go girl" a few times + prayed i could be as brave as her.<br />
<br />
because if i'm being honest with you ... this is something i have quietly dealt with for quite some time. shame. about my body and how it looks. medications have ruined + years of illness are reflected in this body of mine. sometimes i wonder where the body went that God gave me. but i am slowly learning that scars are beautiful and scales are brutal + i need to take a step back + be thankful that i can run [ not very well ] + dance [ give me a pool floatie + i'm the best dancer ever ] + do things like walk through orange groves with my brother on a random thursday in california.<br />
<br />
this week shauna's book gave me new air. inspired me to write more. be bold. stop being ashamed + kick butt everyday.<br />
<br />
this year i am choosing to live a full life. be the crazy mess i am. and remain completely unapologetic about it.<br />
<br />
i refuse to live a life hoping to be accepted.<br />
<br />
because again ... my identity is not found in your opinion of me.<br />
<br />
i refuse to let it be.<br />
<br />
so here i go ...<br />
<br />
vulnerable. brave. willing. ready.<br />
<br />
join me.<br />
<br />
[for you are calling me to greater things.] - bethel music<br />
<br />
BE BRAVE<br />
<br />
shelby elyseShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-86775366866633455732016-12-18T01:49:00.001-05:002016-12-18T01:57:05.761-05:00shelbulb takes anchorage:: month two + three.you guys. when i moved here i said i would write more. boy has that been a struggle. i'm sorry i lied. i'm going to TRY to work on writing more.<br />
<br />
anyways...<br />
<br />
ohio is home. but alaska ... alaska is slowly becoming home.<br />
<br />
glory glory hallelujah this month was grand. or these last two months. it's december now. sorry i'm a little late.<br />
<br />
i have told multiple people this month [ man i gotta stop worrying - and i kinda feel like i should just stand still and watch God. ] because OH MY GOODNESS has my Jesus shown up big time.<br />
<br />
BIG TIME PEOPLE!<br />
<br />
do you have your coffee? go get some. and a cozy blanket. and your dog. if you don't have a dog i'm so sorry that your life isn't fulfilled. no. cats don't count.<br />
<br />
okay. lets go. got your coffee? great.<br />
<br />
so about a month ago i was having my quiet time. and simply asked God to help me find a house or apartment. i threw in there "if they love Jesus that'd be cool too."<br />
<br />
so the following evening i hopped on craigslist. a little scared of it if i'm being honest ... because you know ... craigslist killers. you guys. i'm so serious! you know how monica potter gets murdered in patch adams by the crazy patient? that is my worst fear. besides clowns + costume people. anyways. i found this adorable little basement apartment in a person's house. with a lofted queen bed that looked incredibly magical. so i emailed them. went to see it the next day and HOLY SMOKES! just like He has every step of this adventure...<br />
<br />
Jesus showed up.<br />
<br />
when i got there + saw the landlord instantly i felt a sense of relief. she was a bright eyed redhead with a pixie cut + probably the most stylish person i've seen so far in anchorage. moments after i walked in i knew it was where i was supposed to live. it's almost as if it was designed for me. i instantly felt at home.<br />
<br />
the first thing she said to me was "oh my gosh you are so cute!" so of course my self-centered side was like "haha awwww she's the kindest person in the whole world already!" LOL she also thought i was like 18 and not 25 so that was maybe part of it. when i said i was 25 her jaw dropped.<br />
<br />
things just kept getting better from there. within 5 minutes we were talking about Jesus. she stated "i just knew you would be a Christian. i'm not surprised one bit!" we had both been praying for that! How cool is that!?<br />
<br />
well ... after she showed me the apartment we ended up sitting on the bare floor for hours - talking about Jesus + church + life + shared our testimonies, and she invited me to her church for the next day. ironically - her husband is the pastor at that church. i mean. not ironically. obviously God would have me find a church through a craigslist ad for an apartment ... because nothing in my life is normal. ever. HA!<br />
<br />
anyways. the next day i went + i instantly felt AT HOME. the church i HAD been going to was huge and overwhelming. i thought because my church in Ohio was so big that it made sense to find a huge church here - i was very wrong. in the 5 weeks i went to that huge church not one person noticed i was new. no one introduced themselves. i had to make every single effort. i was worshipping alone and i hated it. i sat alone. i went alone. i left alone. it was lonely. and let me tell you - if you are feeling lonely in a church - you shouldn't be at that church. your church should feel like home. i feel at home in my new church. i have already made friends. every week people approach me and introduce themselves because they know i am new. it is just a breath of fresh air to be there.<br />
<br />
so my new pastor and his wife are also my landlords. and now my friends. they have kind of taken me under theirs wings - and i finally feel like i have found my footing here. the family i nanny for is awesome - and i feel so at home with them too - i just needed another safe place. i think everyone needs that.<br />
<br />
i officially moved in but few things are decorated. i'm working on it. but when it's as cute as i dream it will be - i'll show you pictures! if i forget - remind me!<br />
<br />
[ so now i will talk about all the things that have happened this month - or the things i've learned. ]<br />
<br />
1. friends!!!! on the plane on the way here i wrote down that i wanted 3 friends by Christmas. and let me tell you - it is hard to make friends. i am SO thankful for all my friends back home and i'm realizing that the fact that most of them have been in my life for my whole life - is the ultimate blessing. because it's hard to just move somewhere and make friends. slowly but surely they are coming though. do i think i have 3 forever friends? not sure - is He giving me people for the now? absolutely!!!!<br />
<br />
now these three all have to do with what you just read...<br />
[ 2. apartment 3. church 4. more alaskan parents ]<br />
<br />
5. adulting is hard. it just really is. LITERALLY this is my theme of my life the past few weeks. i told Joni - my new landlord/pastors wife/alaska mama that when you are a chronically sick kid people take care of you. not that i'm incapable. it's just what happens. and then you are 25 and you can't do real life alone because adulting is hard. she says it's okay and that everyone needs people. but i'm learning things like ... i'm too short to hang a shower curtain + internet companies are shady + it's possible to overstuff the washing machine. WHOOPS! anyways. sometimes things are hard. sometimes life is hard. and adulting is hard.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
6. contentment is a gift - but you have to choose to accept it - this transition has been filled with so many emotions and they seem to vary by the day. i have told most everyone that i have experienced much loneliness - simply by just not having my tribe with me here. i have also experienced God's presence more than ever though, it seems to seep through the loneliness + cover it will love. some days have been awesome + i look outside and see the ocean + the mountains or my littles are giggling while we're playing a game and i feel like this is exactly where i should be. other days i find myself to be a disaster dressed in tears asking God why on earth He brought me here. it's a rollercoaster. i talk to my mom everyday. but when i talk to my dad i get a giant lump in my throat and end up crying after we hangup. some friends are easier to talk to than others. some haven't barely reached out - and thats hard. move across the country - you will find out who really loves you. i seem to be on a never ending carnival ride - i'll never know what i will feel the next day. i can't figure it out. but - God is still God + He is still good. i am confident that my purpose here will all unfold eventually. so i am learning to be content in the now - in the unknown future - and in what has already happened. it is not an easy feat. i told someone the other day that i think moving here has been harder than dealing with some of my health problems. and moving to alaska is not life or death. brain tumors are life or death. yes - it's been truly that hard. but i am learning. learning. learning. learning. and i'm not sinking. but i wouldn't say i'm swimming. i would say i'm floating in contentment.<br />
<br />
also things happened like:: having my first thanksgiving without anyone i'm related to - and i survived. i had adventures with the littles + fights with the littles + days we weren't perfect but i'm so thankful for forgiveness. i started using a checkbook. i learned that alaska doesn't use salt on the roads and there are two kinds of drivers here:: turtles + superheroes. the superheroes end up in accidents. i am a turtle. slow + steady to get home safe. i experienced ice fog + it felt like i was in the movie FROZEN + was terrified at the same time.<br />
<br />
and for all my ohio people:: if you say O-H here ... no one says I-O + then you feel stupid.<br />
<br />
i'm hoping to get all of anchorage to love the CAVS this season though...<br />
<br />
because it would only make sense for my home here to love my home team.<br />
<br />
i'll write soon. gotta go start packing for christmas in california with my fam. CAN'T WAIT.<br />
<br />
ohio - i'll be home in march. get ready! until then...<br />
<br />
be brave<br />
<br />
shelby elyse taylor<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6SBFXKUsrXB4inc7qRc0rFz01Jv8_3Ij8Ze7N1MYuPHtdpG4bWu7Thuvx9aoNRTOfeH65cx-QN433Sgviqg7wAOyZmW9tHaNpZxyMDEUz9WYxWPOz8ZxLJ-KsuG4_4hzVVu6enxc2Wmm6/s1600/15073343_10208518560828250_7014100171650973661_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6SBFXKUsrXB4inc7qRc0rFz01Jv8_3Ij8Ze7N1MYuPHtdpG4bWu7Thuvx9aoNRTOfeH65cx-QN433Sgviqg7wAOyZmW9tHaNpZxyMDEUz9WYxWPOz8ZxLJ-KsuG4_4hzVVu6enxc2Wmm6/s320/15073343_10208518560828250_7014100171650973661_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-56180037196522242162016-10-31T02:29:00.003-04:002016-10-31T02:29:32.196-04:00shelbulb takes anchorage:: month one. [ before i begin i should probably explain something to my new readers... my friends call my shelbulb. or bulb - bulbybaby - bulbasaur - tulip - and just about anything else that you can add bulb to. in highschool my best friend chad called me shelbulb one day + it stuck. i hated it at first. tried everything i could to get people to stop saying it. and then one day i decided that maybe it was a term of endearment and the people who loved me most called me bulb because they loved me. so i got over it. thus:: shelbulb takes anchorage. ]<br />
<br />
okay here we go.<br />
<br />
today is october 30th. i got here on september 17th. some days it feels like i've been here my whole life + some days it feels like i stepped off the plane moments ago. my heart can't quite make up it's mind about how it feels on either day - but i think i'm finally in a place of pure contentment.<br />
<br />
i believe the Lord has brought me here to let me flourish.<br />
<br />
i'm not exactly sure why it had to be here - but for some reason it did. this past month i have been pulled completely out of my comfort zone. i am 25 but if we are being real until i got here i was basically just a big baby. and since getting here i have had no choice to be a baby. i have had to be a big girl in every way possible.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">like living by myself</span>:: i was thrown into living all alone within 24 hours of getting here for the first time in my whole life. the silence was torture. i think i left music on that whole first night because i missed the footsteps of my parents in the hallway and i missed the noise that came from mom watching tv downstairs when i went to bed.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">like being responsible for 3 small children</span>:: all of a sudden i was an instant mom driving a suburban + taking kids to swimming lessons and soccer + cooking dinner + juggling what seemed like a million other things.<br />
<br />
[ my sister told me ' you can do this shelbs - you know how i know? because i do everything you have to do but i also work full time. ' AMEN! and God Bless all you working moms. and <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">God Bless lorrie taylor </span>because she had to do all this and work full time and deal with me. HA!<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">like having zero friends</span>:: more on that later.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">like having to use a gps to get LITERALLY everywhere. literally.</span><br />
<br />
now hear me when i say this:: I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR! i'm not an idiot. but it has just been a whole bunch of change all at one time. and if you are thinking i'm a wimp. try it - you move across the country all alone and see how you do. yes. i'm being sassy. if that shocks you - we probably don't know each other.<br />
<br />
[ okay now comes the part where i tell you my favorite part about every week that i've lived here. ]<br />
<br />
week 1:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">OMA!</span> the first week i was here the kid's grandma [ who they call oma + now i call oma because why not. ] was here. SHE WAS SUCH A BIG HELP! she taught me how to back the suburban into parking places + showed me all around anchorage + dealt with my one million and seven questions like a champ. she was a gift sent straight from God that week. when she left i realized how lonely i was during the day without her. oma come back!! haha!<br />
<br />
[ okay obviously hanging out with the kids week one was also fun but OMA wins week one. ]<br />
<br />
week 2:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">CHURCH!</span> the second week i was here i found a church. the biggest church in anchorage. i walked in and there were people everywhere + it was huge + i felt complete peace. the first week i was here i went to a really small church and i just knew it wasn't for me. i knew in a big church i would be more likely to meet friend my age. which brings us to... okay actually the brings us to isn't until week 4. it's coming! i promise. don't quit on me now!!<br />
<br />
week 3:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">LITTLES!</span> this week is where we all really started to mesh well. this week we baked together and we fell into a good groove. the shyness wore off + all the cards were on the table. i loved this week.<br />
<br />
week 4:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">SMALL GROUP!</span> so my second week going to my church i went and talked to the small group people so i could get plugged in. i found a community group of people my age called young professionals + i decided i would go the following week. i had been bold and found a group + this week i knew monday i would be exhausted so i decided that the next week - when i wasn't working i would go. [ also sometimes i need time to give myself pep talks. it's hard doing things all alone all the time!!!! ]<br />
<br />
week 5:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">FRIENDSHIP!</span> so this was the week i went to small group i was so nervous and some people said hi but i felt so out of place still. so then i was talking to this guy + we went and sat by his wife and then i made my FIRST FRIEND IN ALASKA! well ... that i didn't know about before i got here. technically now i have 2 friends in alaska! BOOM! thanks God! [ side note:: hey Jesus - next time i move - please don't make me be lonely for 4 weeks before i have a friend. okay cool thanks. ]<br />
<br />
week 6:: <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">NETFLIX!</span> okay you might be like [she's joking right!?] i'm not. i am so thankful for netflix. my extrovert bubbly sassy self has been an introverted normal human since i got here. you see i'm normally the life of the party. if i could i would hangout with someone every night of the week. but not here. i usually work till 6 - come home - shower - make dinner and then read a little or watch netflix. and hulu. or both. HA! don't judge me. last weekend i was facetiming with the dalton family and mama diane was like " are you going out tonight?! " and i was like "out where? no but i'm watching grey's anatomy" hahahah.<br />
<br />
[ okay now comes the part where i tell you the three hardest things about being here. 3 is a magic number. thats why i chose it. pastor joe would agree. ]<br />
<br />
1. <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">not having the people i love the most here with me. holy smokes it is so hard. SO SO HARD. </span><br />
<br />
* i miss my mama + watching our favorite shows together + fighting in the kitchen + bothering dad together + shopping + all the things we do together. i think i'll miss her most when my winter bronchitis sets in and i can't breathe and there is no one to give me all the essential oils or tell me to go sleep in the basement so they can sleep. HA<br />
<br />
* i miss my daddy. no one can make me laugh like RT can make me laugh. i miss the wrinkle he gets on his forehead when i say something i shouldn't. i miss talking politics and bugging him while he watches the news. i miss him making me coffee. and i miss him talking about all his favorite people. and simply just talking to him.<br />
[ i call mom way more than i call dad. dad makes me more weepy. i am not sure why. when i talk to him my eyes start welling up. i love you papa. ]<br />
<br />
* i miss my sissy and mark and the littles. ugh i miss them so much. when i left home my nephew was a crabby bub and wouldn't even hug me goodbye. and since i've been here he has been so sweet and isn't a crab anymore and wrote me the sweetest letter. and my niece - oh my heart the other day on facetime she started crying. i can't wait to see them in february. i'm going to meet them in hawaii i think. because why not. because if hawaii calls you answer.<br />
<br />
* i miss my tribe. my best of friends. not having them near has been kind of terrible. i can't lie about it. i miss watching bachelor on mondays with the girls [ and the boys ] ... i miss weekends at erin + noel's watching movies and going to burntwood with erin and then complaining to noel about the food every time and yet we still go back. and then hanging out with beyonce and hank [ the animals ] HA! i miss watching stupid old movies with elly + going to dinner or baseball games with andrea. i miss church dates with eva + man cave hangouts with my rach. i miss just being together. my love language is quality time. i love just being with the people i love the most. and being far is hard. so so very hard. i've watched people move before. but usually they have someone with them. or know someone where they were going. i had neither. and it has been super hard. and a real bummer.<br />
<br />
2. <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">missing my church. </span><br />
<br />
* Sundays have been hard. probably my hardest days here. the loneliness has been thick. i miss walking into a place where faces are familiar and worshipping with my parents and friends. i miss being with people. i miss my pastor. worshipping alone is weird. seeing oceans of strangers in weird. not understanding your pastors jokes because you are new is weird. having no one know you are new is weird. being the person who is sitting alone is weird. it is all just so unfamiliar to me to be the new girl. i don't like it. it makes me miss sunday mornings at home. it makes me miss my church. i am sure my church here will become that place eventually. but it just isn't yet.<br />
<br />
3. <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">missing things at home. </span><br />
* like people getting engaged and other fun activities. theres not much to elaborate on here...but i just am having some serious fear of missing out. pray for me. LOL okay but i'm kinda serious. fomo is real people.<br />
<br />
[ okay now comes the part where i tell you all about the fun little things i've learned during my time here. ]<br />
<br />
1. there are more round abouts here than i have ever seen in my whole life. picture miniature tallmadge circles on every freaking road. many times the littles have giggled while we loop around again because i'm lost or missed our exit.<br />
2. moose are HUGE<br />
3. they have blockbuster video here. it still exists. i tell the truth.<br />
4. i hardly ever see police. it's so weird. but i am used to silver lake police patrolling my street at home like a bunch of barney's. so maybe the police here are just sneaky.<br />
5. you will never get used to the sunsets. they are magical.<br />
6. they have earthquakes.<br />
7. there is no chipotle. or chick fil a. so i've saved about $300 so far.<br />
8. the highways just like end sometimes and all of a sudden your at a red light + you praise the Heavens that you aren't dead. and then all of a sudden you have to make a right hand turn to be on the highway again. it is so confusing.<br />
9. i'm the only one who cares about cleveland sports. i've tried to get strangers on the bandwagon. they just don't get it.<br />
10. you should come visit me. [ i had to say it. ]<br />
<br />
i'm sure i'll discover many more quirks.<br />
<br />
okay that is all for now. the sun has gone to bed and so must i.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Be Brave </span><br />
<br />
Shelby ElyseShelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-28313732359555744742016-10-23T04:18:00.001-04:002016-10-23T04:18:27.275-04:00moving to alaska:: a blanket - some boxes - bursts of tears + a bible.<br />
hello from anchorage!<br />
<br />
i decided to write about the few weeks leading up to my move here + some sporadic details of life here. i'm working on a post about my first month of living here! so stay tuned!<br />
<br />
at the beginning of september i was sitting in my living room. surrounded by my best friends. yes. i have more than one. i think i probably have about 5 or 7. my one best friend since kindergarten elly looked at me + said "bulb - can i make you a new tie blanket? how old is this one?" i tell her ... "ummm mom made it for me the year kellie got cancer - i was 10...so it's 13 years old." the blanket is so pilly. is that a word? you all know what i mean. one side is orange + one side is yellow and white and orange leopard print. it has been through it. washed and used over and over again. taken to the hospital - to sleepovers - and on every road trip and vacation since i was 10. it is worn. it was time for me to get a new one. so a few days later in the midst of packing my life into boxes mama took me to joanne fabrics + i got material to make a new one. i picked flannel with little white dogs to remind me of my dog scout finch + the other size is robin egg blue. i texted elly to tell her that i got new material + she told me [i was going to make you a new one! that looks like a lumberjack] hahah. it is cold here ellyn so if you want to send me that lumberjack blankie go right ahead. my new tie blanket stays at the end of my bed during the day + at night i cozy up with it. it is warm + soft - but i miss my old one. it smelled like home + the worn fabric made me feel safe where ever i was. i'm excited to go home in a few months + sleep with that ragged old blanket + cozy up with a cup of coffee + watch movies with it wrapped around me.<br />
<br />
some days i wonder though - if i was brought to alaska to become new. like my old tie blanket i am worn out. i often tell people this body i'm living in isn't the one i was supposed to have. it tires easily + doesn't fight sickness well. this past week i had off work - and the whole time i was fighting a nasty cold + napped every day. if i'm being perfectly honest with you - sometimes my heart feels like that too. like - holy smokes it's been through a lot and maybe i just needed a new place to come and heal. to become the best version of myself. like a brand new cozy blanket.<br />
<br />
okay lets be real though - i WILL use my old blankie when i go home to visit.<br />
<br />
moving here has been an emotional rollercoaster.<br />
<br />
for the majority of the second half of the summer i knew i would be moving to alaska. i told everyone. but it didn't seem real. weddings filled my summer - so there wasn't much time to actually think about the reality of everything. in fact - it was kind of like a dream. and it didn't hit me until i started putting everything into boxes. i cried a little with almost every box i packed. it was incredibly overwhelming. my sweet mama helped me a whole bunch. somehow she held it together as i completely fell apart.<br />
<br />
and then came the goodbye party ... i did okay for the first few hours. and then slowly i began to unravel. i would be okay + then i would find myself running to my mama like i was 4 years old again needing her to just hold me while i cried. if you know me - you know i don't really like to be hugged or held - i blame the brain tumor - but that day oh my heart i needed it so much.<br />
<br />
[ side note:: my goodbye party was THE GREATEST PARTY! it was Alaska themed and there was a giant moose cardboard cutout and all the people i love came and it was just glorious! ]<br />
<br />
when i said bye to mama + daddy in the airport we all wept. we held each other and cried and prayed and kissed and wept. it was terrible. walking away was terrible. mama said "don't look back okay?" daddy said "shelby brave!" and so i took my first steps toward alaska. when i reached the security check point the guy checking my id sweetly asked "are you afraid of flying young lady?" and through alligator tears i said "no sir i love to fly - but today i'm moving to alaska." he nodded and let me by. while waiting in line to go through the scanner the guy behind me said "can i get you anything? are you alright?" i simply said "no - i'm okay - i'm just moving today and i'm sad." he then helped me get all my things into buckets and up to the scanner. poor guy literally put my laptop in a bucket + helped me lift my carry on. i was a train wreck. i handed security my note about my metal in my head so i wouldn't get the pat down + i didn't! woohoo! sometimes having a brain tumor has perks. the poor guy behind me forgot he had wireless batteries in his carryon. he looked at me and just was like "ah man [ insert lots of cuss words ] and he had to go with the security people. i really wanted to be like "no mister security sir - he forgot cause he was helping me." while i was sitting waiting for my flight about 5 business men just stared at me while i cried + stared at my phone. on my flight there was a seat between myself and the guy next to me. i was so glad. he didn't say one word. i pulled my hoodie up over my head - curled in a ball - and sobbed the entire way to chicago. once i got there somehow i pulled it together + only cried once on the plane to alaska.<br />
<br />
as soon as i stepped off the plane my heart began to race - i was in alaska. i told myself [ you can do this! ] and then i saw them. three precious littles. that i get to take care of. and all of a sudden being there was like a breath of fresh air. the mom hugged me and i felt safe again. and that night as i crawled into a bed with cars + trains on the sheets in a room with cars hanging from the ceiling and a spiderman night light - it was like everything was right in the world. total peace.<br />
<br />
i have only cried a few times since i got here.<br />
<br />
a few times because i just miss home + miss my tribe.<br />
<br />
a couple weeks ago i sobbed because i had such a bad migraine. and i felt so alone. no one was here to help me. i was alone in this little apartment with a migraine so bad i thought i might have a seizure and there was no one to help. my mama couldn't pour every essential oil ever on my head, or get me more medicine or more blankets to block out the light. it was just me. and so i cried and i prayed. and i cried and i prayed. and finally i fell asleep.<br />
<br />
the hand of Jesus has been so evident in bringing me here. it just about knocks me on my butt some days. so i let myself have my mini moments + then i wipe my tears + start praising Him again for bringing me on this amazing adventure.<br />
<br />
on the plane ride here i wrote out short term goals for myself - one of them was to read more and write more. i have been doing that. and i hope to write more on here as well! i had told my dear friend + mentor + other mama that at my goodbye party and she made me promise to buy myself a journaling bible with the money she gave me. so when i got here i found an adorable little Christian book store + bought a journaling bible. it is my new favorite thing. what could be better than coloring while learning about Jesus? thanks mama lesa! MISS YOU!<br />
<br />
and as i sit here tonight flipping through the pages of my new and beautiful bible i am quickly reminded of a great truth. Jesus loves ME this i KNOW. no matter how lonely i get or how afraid i am ... HE LOVES ME + it's like nothing else matters.<br />
<br />
my new bible ... oh my it is perfectly new. no pages are ripped. very few things are highlighted or underlined yet. it isn't falling apart. part of me wishes it was though.<br />
<br />
it's like my new blanket...i love it...but i miss my old one just a little.<br />
<br />
it's like alaska ... i love it ... but i miss my old home just a little. or a lot.<br />
<br />
Be Brave<br />
<br />
Shelby Elyse<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-39294032505229144992016-07-27T22:01:00.001-04:002016-07-27T22:08:22.784-04:00[ I AM the wind in your sails... ] amanda cook once wrote:<br />
<br />
[ speak even if your voice is trembling. please - you've been quiet for so long. believe it'll be worth the risk your taking. you're afraid - but you can hear adventure calling. theres a rush of adrenaline to your bones. what you make - of this moment - changes everything. what if if the path you choose becomes a road? the ground you take becomes your home? the wind is high but the pressures off - I'll send the rain wherever we end up - wherever we end up. set your sights sailing far beyond familiar. in the rising tide you'll find the rhythm of your heart. lift your head - now the wind and waves don't matter. the path you choose becomes a road. the ground you take becomes your home. the wind is high but the pressures off. I'll send the rain - wherever we end up - wherever we end up. I AM the wind in your sails. I AM the wind in your sails. I AM the wind in your sails. I AM the wind in your sails. I AM the wind in your sails. I AM the wind in your sails. ]<br />
<br />
i believe that the Lord has given me this song in this season to teach me how to trust better.<br />
<br />
trust. it is just a small 5 letter word. but it holds so much weight.<br />
<br />
it has been something that i have clung to + yet so often have refused to do well.<br />
<br />
i think it is something that many people struggle with - but don't like to admit.<br />
<br />
for me trust has meant many things.<br />
<br />
i have trusted that my parents love me. i trust in a God that i can not see + believe that His plans for my life are incredible + that i am worthy in His eyes. i have trusted doctors with my life. to poke + prod + even dig deep in my brain. to test + retest + give me medications that people say have worked. i have trusted people with my story. i have trusted friends. i have trusted family. sometimes i have even trusted strangers. i have trusted so many things + so many people. sometimes too many things. + often too many people.<br />
<br />
some haven't turned out to be good decisions.<br />
<br />
friends have abandoned. medications have ruined. tests have failed. doctors have been wrong + although my parents are all kinds of wonderful...<br />
<br />
there is only ONE things that i have trusted in + has NEVER failed me.<br />
<br />
my Abba. my Father. my Papa.<br />
<br />
so i do my best to trust in HIM. some days i haven't done it well. in fact - most days i haven't done it well. but i try and try and try. thankfully that is all HE cares about.<br />
<br />
for the past few weeks He has spoken "trust me" into my heart over + over again. as hard as it is i am learning that it is the only logical thing. to trust Him.<br />
<br />
a little under a year ago i sat in my sister's kitchen with her - she told me that it was time for me to go do my own thing - live a little - take an adventure. she told me [ put your sails up - God is the wind. ] i sat in her kitchen + i sobbed. because i knew she was right. but it totally terrified me.<br />
<br />
the next day - the Lord gave me the song above + i have been praying ever since for Him to reveal to me where He wanted me to go. let me tell you. it took longer than i hoped it would. but it was well worth the wait.<br />
<br />
over the last few months i looked for jobs all over the country basically. at first thinking i would just move somewhere + get any old job. then decided i wanted to be a nanny. i wanted to be part of a family. because i knew that leaving mine would be heartbreaking + really really hard. i wasn't sure that was what He had in store for me. i decided i was up for anything. i decided i would go anywhere...well sorta.<br />
<br />
my prayer the whole time has been "okay God - i will go where You want me to go - but it would be great if i could stay in the united states. now God - hear me - if you want me to move to cambodia or the dominican republic or uganda i will - i will God - but i would really really like to stay in the united states."<br />
<br />
well...<br />
<br />
apparently God has a serious sense of humor.<br />
<br />
because...<br />
<br />
He is sending me to...<br />
<br />
ALASKA.<br />
<br />
anchorage - alaska.<br />
<br />
+ i leave soon. in september.<br />
<br />
no - you are not being punked. i am 100% serious. no - my brain hasn't been removed. no - i do not need a psych ward. i am simply - moving.<br />
<br />
going on an adventure - to alaska. i am going to be a nanny! for a really beautiful family. the Lord literally sent the job straight to me.<br />
<br />
i had stopped looking. decided maybe i was wrong + He didn't want me to leave yet. that i would stay right where i was for the time being. + literally a week later - daddy came home saying someone told him about an opportunity. and now here we are about a month later + i am getting ready to move.<br />
<br />
HOLY SMOKES!<br />
<br />
and this is the part where i have to learn to trust better.<br />
<br />
because as much as my adventurous little heart is so excited for this - parts of it ache knowing everything i'll be leaving here.<br />
<br />
i don't want to leave my friends.<br />
<br />
the other night while eating dinner on the patio dad said "the problem for you is all these friends you have. when i was young we had friends but they weren't like yours. you have crazy stuff like friendship thanksgiving and your friends are like family. that is what is going to make this so hard."<br />
<br />
no truer words have ever been spoken. my friends are my people.<br />
<br />
i was told once [find your tribe. love them hard.] and i think i have done that well.<br />
<br />
a few weekends ago one of my best friends since kindergarten got married. to a boy we went to school with since kindergarten. life is crazy you guys. the night before we the wedding we were on the roof of the hotel having a rehearsal dinner. we had wine + laughed + took pictures + it was just great to be together. well - one picture that was so special was of myself and 4 other people that have remained my friends since kindergarten + we were all in the wedding together. 2 were the bride + groom. 1 was a groomsman + 2 of us were bridesmaids. because my brain loves everything to be precious and nostalgic - as soon as we took the pictures all i could think was "thank you God for this moment." because. i knew in that moment without Him i wouldn't have been in it. + that in itself is an extraordinary thing. but my point is. my friends aren't just my friends. they are like my family. they have walked the unimaginable roads i have been asked to walk - right along side me - and they have done so beautifully. so leaving them. - all of them - is going to be hard. i'm just trying not to think about it.<br />
<br />
i don't want to leave my family.<br />
<br />
my brother is in california. so i have a feeling i'll be seeing just as much of him as i would if i were in ohio. he + bryna will come visit. i'll go to them. i'm hoping we can meet in hawaii at some point. sethy roo has always been one of my greatest friends. so i'm hoping i can see him more since we'll at least be on the same side of the country. so i don't really leave him. but i mean he is my family. my best big brother friend. so i couldn't leave him out.<br />
<br />
my sister is currently 1 mile away. so i won't be seeing her too much. i am so so grateful that we had the last year together. what a blessing it is that the Lord brought her and mark and the littles back to the 330 for a little while. before He called me to leave i mean. it is going to be sad to leave them. i can't even think about leaving the littles without getting teary eyed. i am SO GLAD i got to watch them last summer - of 2015 i mean. morning donut dates will always be one of my favorite memories with them. my bubba and shy baby will always be my two favorite kids in all the land + i will miss their giggles and hearing them unexpectedly walk through the door.<br />
<br />
my parents - well they are just right down the hall. and this goodbye is going to be all kinds of heartbreak. mama + daddy have been my besties for 25 years. i turned 25 on july 18th. i have never lived without them. + i'm sure they can't remember life without me. haha just kidding. i imagine it was boring :) but really. the past few weeks my heart has been just aching at the thought of being without them. but at the same time that makes me feel like it is the right thing for me to do. i'm making it sound like i depend on them for literally everything. which is seriously not the case. but holy cow they have taken care of me for 25 years + it is just going to be hard. dad wont come pitterpattering down the stairs in the morning to ask if i need to take coffee to work. mom won't be there to watch dancing with the stars and grey's anatomy with me. i won't hear them arguing over the sink in the bathroom. they won't be eating dinner with me. it is just going to be a really big adjustment. + a really sad adjustment. oh my heart you guys i'm literally weeping writing this. granted. it is the middle of the night. and i'm sleepless. but holy cannoli i'm a wreck.<br />
<br />
<br />
also ... i'm sad to leave my puppy too. YES. i know. pathetic. but at least i'm honest.<br />
<br />
and there are a whole bunch of other ohio things i'm going to miss. but they aren't as important as the people.<br />
<br />
so it is going to be hard.<br />
<br />
but it is going to be beautiful + new + a time of growth.<br />
<br />
the Lord has much in store for me. that I am sure of.<br />
<br />
I am not alone. He is with me.<br />
<br />
He is ...<br />
<br />
the WIND in my sails.<br />
<br />
[ i would greatly appreciate all of your prayers as i embark on this new adventure. my heart is full of joy + ache all at once + i'm feeling all kinds of emotional. my brother getting married a few days ago isn't helping these tears. now i know how women feel when they are 8 months pregnant and their husband forgot to get the pickles from the grocery store. ]<br />
<br />
i will probably be blogging more in alaska. one of my goals is to get my book finished. so keep reading!<br />
<br />
BLESSED by a Heavenly Daddy<br />
<br />
Shelby Elyse Taylor<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-64461458311566820962016-03-09T17:53:00.002-05:002016-04-20T21:17:42.433-04:00fearfully and wonderfully made <div id="songLyricsDiv-outer" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; z-index: 2;">
<div class="songLyricsV14 iComment-text" id="songLyricsDiv" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; left: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 12px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; z-index: 1;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">[ O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. <b><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;">I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.</span></b> Marvelous are Your works, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And that my soul knows very well. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">My frame was not hidden from You, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I was made in secret, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And in Your book they all were written, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The days fashioned for me, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">When as yet there were none of them. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">How great is the sum of them! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I awake, I am still with You. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">For they speak against You wickedly; </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your enemies take Your name in vain. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I hate them with perfect hatred; </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I count them my enemies. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Search me, O God, and know my heart; </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Try me, and know my anxieties; </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And see if there is any wicked way in me, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And lead me in the way everlasting. ] - Psalm 139</span></div>
<div class="songLyricsV14 iComment-text" id="songLyricsDiv" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; left: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 12px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; z-index: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
</div>
<div id="ingageunit" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div id="adplayer_iframeDiv" style="background: black; border: 0px; height: 238px; left: -10000px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; position: absolute; vertical-align: baseline; width: 423px;">
<div class="videoPlayer" id="slyr002_ingage" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; height: 238px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; width: 423px;">
<div class="sb-controls" id="sbPlayerControls" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; bottom: -33px; box-sizing: content-box; left: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; transition: bottom 0.8s cubic-bezier(0.165, 0.84, 0.375, 1.015) 0s; vertical-align: baseline; width: 423px; z-index: 3;">
<div class="sbControlBg" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; height: 32px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 423px;">
<div class="sbPlay" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; float: left; height: 21px; margin: 5px 0px 0px 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; transition: opacity 0.8s cubic-bezier(0.165, 0.84, 0.375, 1.015) 0s; vertical-align: baseline; width: 19px;">
<svg enable-background="new 0 0 17 18.3" height="18.3px" id="sbPlayerPause_slyr002_ingage_api" style="cursor: pointer; margin-top: 1px;" title="Pause" version="1.1" viewbox="0 0 17 18.3" width="17px" x="0px" y="0px"><g></g></svg><span style="font-family: inherit;"><rect fill="#ffffff" height="16.1" id="sbPlayerPauseRectLeft_slyr002_ingage_api" width="3" x="3.6" y="1.1"></rect><rect fill="#ffffff" height="16.1" id="sbPlayerPauseRectRight_slyr002_ingage_api" width="3" x="10.4" y="1.1"></rect></span></div>
<div class="sbVolume" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 10px; margin: 11px 0px 0px 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; width: 80px;">
<div class="sbVolumeBar" style="background: rgb(255, 177, 82); border: 0px; height: 9px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 4px; z-index: 2;">
</div>
<div class="sbVolumeLine" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; height: 2px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 4px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 80px; z-index: 1;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="sbSound" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; float: left; height: 17px; line-height: 17px; margin: 8px 0px 0px 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 18px;">
<svg enable-background="new 0 0 17.8 16.6" height="16.6px" id="sbPlayerUnmuted_slyr002_ingage_api" style="cursor: pointer;" version="1.1" viewbox="0 0 17.8 16.6" width="17.8px" x="0px" y="0px"><g></g></svg><span style="font-family: inherit;"><polygon fill="#ffffff" points="0.7,5.9 0.7,10.7 5.3,10.7 10.4,15.9 10.4,0.8 5.3,5.9 "></polygon><path d="M13.6,4.2c-0.6,0-1.1,0.5-1.1,1.1c0,0.6,0.5,1.1,1.1,1.1c1.1,0,2,0.9,2,2c0,1.1-0.9,2-2.1,2c-0.6,0-1,0.5-1,1.1c0,0.6,0.5,1,1.1,1c0,0,0,0,0,0c2.3,0,4.1-1.9,4.1-4.1C17.7,6.1,15.9,4.2,13.6,4.2z" fill="#ffffff"></path></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="sbAdMessage" id="adMessage_slyr002_ingage_api" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; bottom: 45px; height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; right: 20px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 130px; z-index: 1;">
<div class="sbAdMessageAdv" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: white; left: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 100px; z-index: 2;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Advertisement</span></div>
<div class="sbAdMessageAdv" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 1px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 100px; z-index: 1;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Advertisement</span></div>
<div class="sbAdMessageTimer" id="adMessageTimerWhite_slyr002_ingage_api" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: white; left: 100px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 30px; z-index: 2;">
</div>
<div class="sbAdMessageTimer" id="adMessageTimerBlack_slyr002_ingage_api" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; left: 100px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 1px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 30px; z-index: 1;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="background: transparent; border: 0px; height: 18px; line-height: 1; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; right: 0px; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 18px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><button class="close x_18_border" id="sbINgage-close-btn" style="background-image: url("data:image/png; border-radius: 2px; border: 0px none; cursor: pointer; height: 18px; margin: 0px; opacity: 0; padding: 0px; transition: opacity 0.3s ease-in; width: 18px; z-index: 4;"></button></span></div>
</div>
</div>
six simple words in the middle of this beautiful sonnet have forever changed my life.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">fearfully.and.wonderfully.made</span> - honestly. they are enough to bring tears to my eyes some days.<br />
<br />
psalm 139. a scripture my mama + daddy have quoted often. especially on the hard days. in fact - just the other day mom sat across the bar from me in the kitchen and read the whole thing out loud.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">fearfully and wonderfully made..</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">you all know how much i love words. so i decided to look up the definitions of these precious words. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">biblically - <span style="color: #674ea7;">fearfully </span>means [ in awe of or in reverence ] + <span style="color: #674ea7;">wonderfully</span> means [ marvelous - excellent - great - astonishing - amazing. ] OH MY GOODNESS! the God of the universe has made each and everyone of us with reverence + He is in awe of us + He thinks that we are marvelous + excellent + great + astonishing + amazing! ] HOW COOL IS THAT!?</span><br />
<br />
however. i have struggled. so often.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">how can i be <span style="color: #674ea7;">fearfully and wonderfully made </span>and yet this physical body of mine is so mangled. and always has been? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">it doesn't make sense. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
or maybe it does...<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">i'm 24 now. i was sure by now my immune system would have started working properly. i thought i'd outgrow all of it. maybe be totally healed. i thought maybe i would become a teenager and it would catch up. like everyone around me. or maybe i would turn 22 and the geneticist would tell me that it was all a big mistake + i don't have noonan syndrome + there is no risk to my children getting it one day. i dream of laying in the MRI machine + the techs thinking they have the wrong girl. because my tumor has miraculously disappeared. but that isn't my reality. so many nights i have begged God to take it all away. so. many. nights. tears and yelling in my head kind of begging. but He didn't. it isn't the plan. it was never the plan. but then again. the plan was to have perfect bodies. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">and so i imagine Jesus is just as disappointed as i am.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">...and yet even in the dark days of not feeling whole <span style="color: #674ea7;">His works are marvelous</span>. and <span style="color: #674ea7;">i know that full well. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
[ 11 years + 6 days ago i was diagnosed with a brain tumor. because the story is long + i don't want this post to have you reading until april - you can read about that right here! <span style="color: #674ea7;"><a href="http://5feetofspunk.blogspot.com/2014/03/days-remembered-march-3-2005.html"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">DIAGNOSIS</span></b></a> </span>...]<br />
<br />
[ 11 years ago today i had a 22 hour life saving brain surgery. because the story is long + i don't want this post to have you reading until may - you can read about that right here! <span style="color: #674ea7;"><a href="http://5feetofspunk.blogspot.com/2014/03/days-remembered-march-9-2005.html"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>SURGERY</b></span></a> </span>...]<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">each year in march i reflect on what the Lord has done. and this year He has so loudly shouted that what He has done is use my story + He has boldly revealed that He will continue to do so.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">something i am so thankful for - but something that is still very hard. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">probably around 2 years ago someone said something to me about being so public with my suffering - and that she didn't think it was...appropriate. for lack of a better word. i was confused. i didn't ask for any of this. and if i'm being real with you - I DON'T THINK IT IS APPROPRIATE THAT SHE SAID THAT TO ME! it was hurtful. so very very hurtful. yes there probably have been times where i could have held back. but the reality is that we have let everyone in for 24 years. and don't get me wrong here...it hasn't been easy to do so.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">there have been so many times i have wished we could take it all back - the words i mean. i wish i could have curled up in a ball. locked the door and not told a soul what i was dealing with. keep it all hidden. and choose to suffer silently. but that isn't what we were called to - in fact - from the moment i was born mom and dad knew that wasn't what we were called to. i don't think we could have done it had we not been surrounded by so many people praying. i really don't think i'd be alive.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">but...sometimes in the midst of all the suffering. i find peace. knowing that this body of mine is not the final story. and even when i don't feel it - i am still <span style="color: #674ea7;">fearfully and wonderfully made. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">one of my favorite pastors said this:: [there are things you learn in the valley that you can't learn on the mountaintop.] - chad veach</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
amen amen + amen.<br />
<br />
the valleys may be dark but oh my heart i have learned so much while walking through them.<br />
<br />
so back to what the Lord has revealed this year...<br />
<br />
first:: the Lord has used my story...<br />
<br />
a few weeks ago i got a facebook message. from someone i haven't seen since i was probably 5 years old. her little boy is currently battling a vicious type of cancer + someone had told her about me. she confessed to stalking my facebook + wrote me one of the most encouraging notes i have ever received. as i sat and read it. i realized ... if my story can help just one person. just one. it was all worth it.<br />
<br />
that is just a small example. i believe that i - along with many of my family members have been able to encourage other people with this journey we have all had to walk...<br />
<br />
second:: the Lord will continue to do so...<br />
<br />
He has so clearly shown me that writing my story + putting it into a book is something that He has had planned all along. and while writing about things i've never told anyone or really discussed is hard - it will all be worth it - because He will use it for good.<br />
<br />
so. i guess you could say that i have been...<br />
<br />
blessed with a brain tumor.<br />
<br />
and so much more.<br />
<br />
but i will continue to PRAISE the One who made me.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPFytaBr9F0qkBy9H6iJYo_YwQQhyphenhyphen1Gun65uVZLNDhyphenhyphen-hqxEnasBJZKU64foLpeuOoD0P7WuobhsHGHYzNki1t0zWr6BAYKxnQE3DmCMvSJmj2d4wP8AuxsG4fTCUqPCt-Yk9TIPW44s7f/s1600/12814439_10206552923328541_1509006190395850917_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPFytaBr9F0qkBy9H6iJYo_YwQQhyphenhyphen1Gun65uVZLNDhyphenhyphen-hqxEnasBJZKU64foLpeuOoD0P7WuobhsHGHYzNki1t0zWr6BAYKxnQE3DmCMvSJmj2d4wP8AuxsG4fTCUqPCt-Yk9TIPW44s7f/s320/12814439_10206552923328541_1509006190395850917_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">fearfully.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">and. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">wonderfully. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy<br />
<br />
Shelby Elyse Taylor<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-54529462054185121992015-12-02T20:47:00.001-05:002015-12-02T23:34:13.386-05:00kate's crazy christmas words from holly mcrae's blog<br />
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">Thank you to those who have generously sent in gift cards already for these families! Over $5,000 has already been received in the last few weeks. I wanted to quickly make you aware of a new option for donating to Kate's Crazy Christmas drive. Friends of ours have set up a page for Kate's Christmas drive through their foundation allowing for online donations, which some have requested. First, any donations made online will be tax deductible. Second, they will match up to $5,000 that is raised online! So if you were desiring to get involved and were hoping to be able to simply donate online, please do! Simply go to </span><a href="http://support.stevenshope.org/goto/katescrazychristmas" rel="" style="font-family: Helvetica;" target="_blank">http://support.stevenshope.org/goto/katescrazychristmas</a><span style="font-family: "helvetica";">. 100% of the proceeds will go to benefit the families selected for Kate's Christmas drive. We are hoping to have received most of the donations via mail and online by December 15th, allowing us time to package and mail or deliver them before Christmas. Again, we are so grateful for your help in this endeavor of Kate's. Gift cards can continue to be mailed to: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">Kate McRae (or Holly McRae)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">Kate's Crazy Christmas</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">PO Box 8278 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">Alta Loma, CA 91701</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">*please email for an alternative mailing address if not able to mail to a PO Box. <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6116078591427952211" rel="" target="_blank"></a></span><a dir="ltr" href="mailto:hollymcrae@gmail.com" style="font-family: Helvetica;" x-apple-data-detectors-result="2" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true">hollymcrae@gmail.com</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">We continue to have the need for Target, Walmart,Visa, gas (Shell, ARCO, Chevron, BP gas station, Phillips 66)and grocery cards (specifically Vons and Albertsons). All gift cards accepted. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";">I will update in the coming days about Kate, as scans are approaching and some treatments have changed as a result of her recent admission. For tonight though, I wanted to share briefly about one of the boys you are supporting....</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Our lives changed quickly the first week of October when our 11- year- old son, Brendan, was diagnosed with esthesioneuroblastoma It is rarely diagnosed early since there are so few signs. Brendan had a severe headache one weekend late in September and a few days later lost the sight in his left eye. An eye exam showed nothing, so a quick MRI revealed the fast growing tumor. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Brendan has undergone 5 surgeries in 4 weeks -- 1 biopsy, 2 major sinus and eye surgeries, 1 craniotomy and eye socket reconstruction, and a bi-lateral neck dissection to remove cancerous lymph nodes in his neck. He is now undergoing 6 weeks of radiation while starting his chemotherapy simultaneously. He loves life and appreciates all the things people are doing to help him. His favorite thing is to be home with his family -- his parents, 8 brothers and sisters, and his niece and nephew. This Christmas he can't wait until everyone is home together.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
Thank you for helping Kate love others battling a similar fight to her own. We are grateful for you. And for more information on her Christmas drive please visit previous journal entries.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">please keep praying for my sweet friend! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Blessed by a heavenly Daddy</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelby Elyse</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmydgsHcTzxki-kF208V2hTGswM5v0SPYn9VMicQhNm1KvOP5ExnYujWYciioxk1mQpqE-WZTgZh5NXkasx9WReXc0jSCDItG_ImVBBcictEdXNDvr1kG59TUxA0owCSLXXsOLGBz1PKX/s1600/546e378df02065d1471e1e45.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizmydgsHcTzxki-kF208V2hTGswM5v0SPYn9VMicQhNm1KvOP5ExnYujWYciioxk1mQpqE-WZTgZh5NXkasx9WReXc0jSCDItG_ImVBBcictEdXNDvr1kG59TUxA0owCSLXXsOLGBz1PKX/s320/546e378df02065d1471e1e45.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-52817534861196578622015-10-18T21:52:00.001-04:002015-10-18T23:47:01.296-04:0024 <span style="font-family: inherit;">hello my beautiful friends!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i have missed you. i wanted to say sorry for not writing for such a long time. life happened. that is the bottom line. best friends weddings + days with the littles filled my summer. we took our annual trip to sunset beach. which you all know is my favorite place in the whole history of the world. + for the most part summer was wonderful. then fall came and i got a job! teaching toddlers. which is pretty great. and i just got busy. oh. and i have a social life. you know. i like to see people. so the blogging just like got put on hold. sorry. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but that isn't what this post is about. SHOCKER right?! ...so here it goes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">[ FIRST ACTUALLY I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING:: if you are new here. hello! welcome. i'm shelby. 5 feet of spunk trying to save the world. i have a white girl afro accidentally. i really love Jesus. i like to cook and sing and write and a whole lot more. i'm basically a mess of ideas a whole bunch of the time + i'm kind of annoying. but i'm totally okay with that. WELCOME! this is my blog. i don't like grammar. at all. so i don't use it properly. and if that bugs you i'm sorry. talk to my people if you must. but it won't ever change. okay nice to meet you. bye! ]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">moving along...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i turned 24 this summer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">on july 18th to be exact. the best day of the whole year. obviously.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and you guys. 24 is weird. it just is. i feel old + young + just really confused about a whole lot.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in late august my moms crazy family came in for a family reunion. on friday afternoon we all went on a 7 mile kayaking trip. between the spurts of my uncles trying to LITERALLY kill me by shoving my kayak in the muck or making me run into a tree i had a ton of time to think + talk to God + just reflect.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">the last year held many things. 23 was a hard year for me. beautiful in so many ways. but still very hard. many of you know i went through a bit of a funk + started seeing a counselor. apparently when you are in and out of the hospital your whole life + have doctor appointments instead of soccer practice it takes a toll on you. but you don't know until you are 23 and wake up one day in february and feel like you've actually gone insane. PHEW. so shout out to everyone who helped me through that. it was rough. but i've learned so much. and i grew in ways i never expected. and i'm still growing. because thats what happens in life. you grow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[ the season has shifted and changed. and so i let go of what i am use to and walk bravely into the unknown because i know God is right beside me with each step. ] - a modern day ruth </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but i decided that i learned 4 big things before i turned 24. or. while i was 23. but i like the 4's together. so i went with that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">you all know how much i love lists.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">so here we go...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">1. what i have been through does not define me. but it has helped me become the young lady i am today. so it does matter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">2. it is okay to step away from friendships.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br />3. just because i'm a dreamer doesn't mean i can't be content with where i'm at.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br />4. don't get lost in your story. it isn't yours. it's His.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">SO THIS IS WHERE I EXPLAIN ALL OF THESE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">IN CASE YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><b>epiphany 1: what i have been through does not define me. but it has helped me become the young lady i am today. so it does matter.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">what i mean:: it took me almost a quarter of my life to figure this out. but i believe i figured it out exactly when i was supposed to. you see people. let me explain. now trust me when i say i'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself right now. i promise. because i am well aware that people have gone through much more than me. i think it will just help paint a picture of what i am feeling. help you understand my epiphany.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">here is my reality::</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i'm 24. the day i was born they told my parents to name me so i wouldn't die without a name. hydrops was the diagnosis. in fact. they gave them choices of what they could do with me since i wouldn't survive. really sad choices. but mama + daddy chose to try + save my life. i am so thankful for that. no one expected me to survive. except my mom. she knew i would. no one else. oh. God knew! He knew + my mama knew. and i think my daddy secretly knew too. but if you ask him if he thought i was going to die he will say yes. hahah. okay. moving on. so i spent the first two months of my life in the hospital. they told my parents i would be on oxygen for the rest of my life. need a feeding tube. they said i wouldn't ever walk or talk on my own. they thought i might have down syndrome. they said i would be blind and deaf. and so much more. they basically said i would have no quality of life. they were VERY wrong. i came home on september 18, 1991. after beating every odd.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">since then i have spent many nights + days in the hospital or in a doctors offices.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">grateful always to be alive. yet hopeful for a day of healing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[this is what the Lord says: I have heard your prayers and I will heal you.] 2 kings 20:5</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">anyways...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
i have had the following specialists in no particular order. cardiologist. ophthalmologist. nephrologist. neurologist. rheumatologist. hematologist. neurooncologist. endocrinologist. geneticist. allergist. occupationa/physical therapist. neurosurgeon. and a few more people that i just can't remember right now. oh! and the best pediatrician in all the land for 23 straight years. he retired last january. i am still in denial.<br />
<br />
if you wanna read more about him:: click here ---> <a href="http://5feetofspunk.blogspot.com/2015/01/its-been-quite-ride-you-are-one.html">Dr. Johnson</a><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i can't tell you the days of school that i missed. if i could even count them you'd think i was lying.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i have had 27 MRI's in the past 10 years. and a few before that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">because when i was 13...BOMB DROP...i was diagnosed with a brain tumor. okay soo...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">5 eye operations. a few procedures here + there + a 22 hour brain surgery.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i had 4 years of growth hormones. 2 of which consisted of mama mixing the powdered chemicals with the liquid chemicals every night and drawing them out into a syringe + putting that into another syringe before sticking me with a needle that was...well...not small. then i got this cool pen contraption and could do it myself. and that became the normal. night time shots.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">sing it with me... [ SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS ]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">my immune system basically hates itself and let me tell you. it is not fun. at all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[i will NOT cause pain without allowing something new to be born-says the Lord.] - isaiah 66:9</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">oh! so since i was born with hydrops + have all these insane health problems there has to be a reason right? right! well when i was 10 years old we found out...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i have a genetic disorder called noonan syndrome. that no one else in my family has. i am just so lucky you guys. my ptpn11 gene mutated when i was growing in my mama's belly. about 1 in every 2,500 people get noonan syndome. and it is even rarer in girls. because no one in my family has it mine is called a de novo mutation. fancy eh?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">so all my health problems are categorized under this whole genetic thing. other than mr. brain tumor. he is just an add on. i am the only person on record to have noonan syndome + an oligodendroglioma low grade neoplasm brain tumor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i am literally just that cool.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">SHOULDN'T I WIN SOME AWARD FOR THIS!?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[before I was born God chose me and called me by His marvelous grace.] - Galatians 1:15</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">anyways. if you had all of that wouldn't you be a bit confused too?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">don't get me wrong. it was no ones fault. but i grew up in this world of needle sticks + nurses. mama + daddy did everything right. they did everything they were supposed to. in fact. i believe that the Lord picked them so perfectly for me - i couldn't have done it all without them. my mama is the greatest momologist in the whole history of the world. she was a teacher for 35 years. but the lady is one amazing nurse. my daddy is a doctor. but definitely wasn't destined to be one of medicine. the guy is a fainter. but he has always put on his big boy pants + stayed right by my side. [actually he has slept through many a nights of me being sick. but i forgive him. the poor guy. he can't help it.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[BUT THE LORD STOOD WITH ME AND STRENGTHENED ME!] - 2 Timothy 4:17</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but you see - no one talks about the tough part. when you are all grown up + it hits you all of a sudden. it needs to be talked about. it just does.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">because what happened is - the hospital + doctors offices started to feel like home. i felt like being the girl with the brain tumor was who i was meant to be. it was who i was. now don't hear me wrong on this. [holy crap i sound like my father. he says that all the time.] i'm not saying my identity wasn't being found in Christ. because it was. it is. i am His. i am saying that i felt like my brain tumor/other health problems defined me. that was not fun. i felt trapped. if i'm being brutally honest when we would pull into akron children's i felt like i could breathe again. how messed up is that? it was my real life you guys. it still kind of is. i'm working on it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">over the last year though. i have improved so much. learned SO SO SO MUCH. made lists and wrote pages + pages about who i want to be. what i want my identity to be found in. WHO i want my identity to be found in. there is still so much to learn. but i'm working every day. because my story matters. but it isn't all that i am. i am so much more than the girl with a brain tumor. but hear me when i say that i am grateful to have gone through what i have. because it is part of the story. part of His story. for my life. and if i hadn't been through any of it. i would probably be the most boring person in the whole history of the world. sitting and doing nothing with my life. i wouldn't be a writer. i wouldn't dream big. because life would have come easy. so thank goodness my immune system sucks. and thank goodness for the surgeries and sick days. because they have made me who i am.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and you know what? i can say this with complete confidence. i rather it be me than anyone else. i know it's been hard on the parents to watch. but holy freaking cannoli am i glad i didn't have to watch one of them or one of my siblings or friends walk this path. i know i can handle it. and i know WHO my strength is found in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jesus Christ brother!!!! the BIG JC. forever and always.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">there have been many hard days. many where i begged him to take me Home. but i'm supposed to be here. and cling to Him in the meantime.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[but for me it is good to be near God. i have made the Lord God my refuge that i may tell of all your works.] - psalm 73:28</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #292f33; font-family: inherit; line-height: 22px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>fun fact:: last year i joined a small group. i decided before i walked in the doors that i would never tell the group about my tumor. probably 60 people came and went throughout the year. about 30 of us were together every week. the whole year. a few people found out along the way. just because. you know. life. but not one time did i sit there + tell of my health problems. i didn't play the victim. i didn't announce that i have a brain tumor. it was so nice to just be shelby elyse taylor.<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">to just be me. because what i have been through does NOT define me. but it has made me the young lady i am today. so it DOES matter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[ i praise You for i am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made! ] - Psalm 139:14</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">[ you are worth more than MANY sparrows] - matthew 10:31</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it has taken me 24 years to realize this. it was worth the wait.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">p.s. - i have to admit that i do occasionally play what we in brain tumor world call "the brain tumor card." and you know what i'll never be sorry about it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">epiphany 2: it is okay to step away from friendships. </span></b><br />
<b style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
what i mean:: heres the thing you guys. the spice girls straight up lied when they sang "friendships never end." on their 90's hit wannabe. because friendships do end. a lot. in fact. i think they end more than they don't.<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i feel like blessed is such an overused word in the christian world but...i'm going to use it. get ready.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i have been truly blessed with amazing friends. i would say that my friends all fall into 3 categories. i have my best friends. there are about 5 of those. you know. the ones who aren't going anywhere. most of them have been in my life since kindergarten or before. then there are the good friends. there is probably about 10 of those. the ones i keep in touch with. but that aren't the bests. i still love them a whole lot. but they just aren't the best best ones. you know what i mean. and then thirdly there are just friends. or acquaintances. the ones i occasionally see to catch up with. the ones i care about still but don't see too often. but i know they have my back. they know i have theirs. end of story.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and then there is a 4th category...i like to call it the fading friends.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">you know exactly what i mean. we have all had them. they are the ones that you used to be great friends with but over the years things have just changed. you have grown apart. your differences have become way more apparent. your similarities begin to fade.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">all of a sudden you are sitting in a room with them feeling so uncomfortable because there is nothing to talk about. or you are sending them texts wishing and hoping they respond but they don't. and you have to face the reality that they never will. these aren't friendships where you see it coming either. they are the ones that you grip onto for dear life but after a long while you have to face the music. they don't care anymore. or you don't care anymore. and its just...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">well its just over. and it is a freaking gigantic and hard pill to swallow. every time i think about it i just think of these dang vitamin c supplements my mom used to make me take when i was little. they literally seemed as big as a planet. and its like swallowing a handful of those at once. thats what fading friendships feel like. when you gotta come to grips with the reality of the situation. it sucks so bad. it does. but you have to step away. for your own sanity. or your heart will hurt forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[he who walks with the wise grows wise. but a companion of fools suffers harm.] - proverbs 13:20</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in the past year i have had to do this a few times. yes. it is awful and heartbreaking. but it is so needed. sometimes you just need to step away. look at the situation from the outside. maybe this person was in your life for a short time to fulfill a specific purpose. they did that. and you don't need them anymore. or maybe you were in their life to help them through something. they got through it. and now they don't need you anymore. whatever it may be. it is going to be hard. some harder than others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">Proverbs 27:9 remind us of this [ a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. ] </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
it is a verse i have clung to many times over the last year. often asking myself a few questions along the way. is this friendship healthy? is it good for my soul? is it sweet? and if the answers were no it was time to deal and walk away. because no one has time for that.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i think so often we live in this world of thinking we have to be people pleasers. don't step on anyones toes. be careful not to offend anyone. and i think that in friendships this happens a whole lot too. you don't want to lose them so you put up with a lot. or try to pretend the friendship isn't falling apart. but soon enough the inevitable will present itself. and you will have to walk away. don't be afraid dear people. it will be oh so good for your heart in the end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it is hard. it is sad. and it is brutal. most times anyways. but you know its the right thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nJjQMB9whM4/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nJjQMB9whM4?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">a few weeks back a singer named jamie grace put this video on youtube. it was like she took the words right out of my brain and put it into a video. some parts beautiful. some parts heartbreaking. she is my soul sister. i'd like to think we are friends because we follow one another on Twitter + her music speaks to my soul. watch the video. it helped me realize even more my second epiphany...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">[ IF YOU ARE ON YOUR PHONE YOU WONT SEE THE VIDEO....so here is the link homies.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJjQMB9whM4"><span style="font-family: inherit;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJjQMB9whM4</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">cheers to you Jamie Grace. you are gold.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">sooo...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it is okay to step away from friendships.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">trust me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><b>epiphany 3: just because i'm a dreamer doesn't mean i can't be content with where i'm at.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span>
i have always been a dreamer. a big one. nothing wrong with that. the problem is i don't follow through on them. i'm always wishing for the next great thing.<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">when i was little i was sure i would be on food network one day. one time in 7th grade i wrote a poem about how all i wanted to do was meet oprah.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">most of my childhood i was sure that if the actress who played ruthie on 7th heaven ever quit i could be her in an instant.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i always dreamed of being athletic so i could run track like my big sister. or play soccer like my big brother. waiting for heaven for those. literally though.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i've dreamed of moving to LA or NYC. i wanted to open a bakery. and a flower shop. and i was convinced that somehow i'd be on the ellen show one day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i just wanna do big things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[ delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.] - psalm 37:4</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i was convinced for roughly 4 years that i was going to marry a guy named Graham Bunn who was on the bachelor and really loves Jesus. but its not in the cards...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i always have wanted to do something crazy like...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">be on the amazing race. or survivor.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and as a kid i was SURE i was going to have a disney channel show one day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i want to...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">be the next julia child</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">go to every continent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">release an album of all the songs i've written</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">[mostly about all the boys who never liked me back.] #watchyoselfhomies</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">open an orphanage.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">adopt 5 kids.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">or maybe have a few and adopt a few.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">currently i'm writing a book with dreams of it being a new york times best seller.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and i'm pretty sure the Lord wants me to become a motivational speaker after the book comes out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'M DEAD SERIOUS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">after that i want to start a foundation. the brave foundation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but i also want to be a child life specialist.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and i also want to be a wife and a mom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and a superhero.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i just want to help people and do great things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.] - philippians 4:13</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[rise up-take courage and do it.] - ezra10:4</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">but right now ... right now i'm still living with my mama + daddy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">right now i'm teaching toddlers + loving it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">right now i'm thankful to have beautiful friends near and far. who support me in the now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">right now i'm single.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">right now i'm living and loving and learning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[I came so that you may have LIFE and live it abundantly.] - john 10:10</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in the now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and i have to be okay with all of this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">because HE has a plan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">one that would surely scare me to death if revealed too soon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">so i hold tight to my epiphany. even as delightful as my dreams may seem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">living purely is okay for now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[be truly glad. there is wonderful JOY ahead.] - 1 peter 1:6</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[perhaps this is the moment for which you were created.] - esther 4:14</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>epiphany 4: don't get lost in your story. it isn't yours. it is His. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><br /></b></span>i'm honestly not even sure how i can elaborate on this one you guys.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it is just so simple.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it isn't about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it isn't about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it isn't about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it isn't about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it isn't about me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">IT ISNT ABOUT ME!!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[He must become greater. i must become less.] - john 3:30</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">something that isn't always so easy to understand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">because you see people. my life has presented so many opportunities for the world to revolve...well...around me. we have pictures of me wearing a crown that reads "little empress" my dad's friends started calling me "the little general" when i was a little kid. i could go on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">picture this. we have an old video my dad took. my mama + i are standing in a beach house. i'm wearing a dress with ducklings on it with my head full of curls. i am probably about 3. dad asks me "whose the most special girl in the whole world!?" and without missing a beat i jump in the air and scream "ME!!!!!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i didn't give it a second thought. because they had told me over and over again how special i was.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and i gotta be real with you. i still have that 3 year old mentality on so many days. thinking because of what my life has looked like i am some kind of amazing human. but i'm not. and somedays it hits me so hard that i am just kind of ordinary. but i don't think i'm that either. i'm just very unique. but sometimes i get wrapped up in it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">like for instance ... last year i took a personality test and before it started my friend was like "whats your worst trait its going to find?" and i'm like "oh i like to be the center of attention."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">because its true! AND THE FREAKIN MYERS BRIGGS LITERALLY SAID IT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">hahahah what is life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">okay back to reality.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i guess what i'm trying to say is this...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">i've been through some crap. and also had a wonderful life. and it is so easy to pretend that this life i have lived has been filled with magical moments because of how great i am. or be confused and think i did something wrong to deserve to have a million things wrong with my body. but none of it is true. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">this story i have gotten to live out has nothing to do with me. and everything to do with my Jesus. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it is a story about His love for a little girl. His plan for her life + His grace His Mercy + His faithfulness. it is all about HIM. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[ blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.] - luke 1:45</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">in the chaos of all that has happened the past 24 years. one thing remains true. my relationship with Jesus is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and this story He has written for me is the greatest one i could ever imagine. i wouldn't change a thing. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">[for we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus. so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.] - ephesians 2:10</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">and so i hold tight to this final epiphany. don't get lost in your story. it isn't yours. it is HIS!</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">i hope you hold tight to that as well...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">well. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">thats what i learned the past year. well. the year before i was 24. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">remember this my people::</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">what you have been through does not define you. but it has helped shape you. so it DOES matter.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">it is okay to step away from friendships.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">you can be a dreamer and be content with where you are at</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">your story isn't yours. it is His.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">thanks for reading my ramblings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">LOVE YOU more than <span style="color: #674ea7;">300000 gluten free waffles with chocolate chips</span>....maybe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">thanks for loving me. thanks for praying for me. thanks for accepting...me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">YOU are BEAUTIFUL. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">never forget that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: inherit;">BLESSED by a heavenly Daddy </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: inherit;"><b>Shelby Elyse Taylor</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6116078591427952211.post-76052610710996798972015-05-28T23:58:00.002-04:002015-05-29T00:08:44.077-04:00 she can't stand anything that she can't change[she hates the sound that goodbye makes. she loves sundays and champagne. she can't stand the winter. she can't stand anything that she can't <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>. she can't <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>. she is whatever she wants to be. she is a little of everything. mixed up so tough in a beautiful way.] - ben rector<br />
<br />
lately life has been full of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>. mostly good change. but change.<br />
<br />
it is something i am not good at. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>. i mean...is anyone good at it? or are some people just better at accepting it?<br />
<br />
according to merriam webster <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span> simply means "to become different."<br />
<br />
now of course there are different contexts the word can be used in...but i'm not really interested in talking about all of that right now.<br />
<br />
my point is ... this chapter of my life is constantly becoming different.<br />
and you know what?<br />
<br />
it kind of sucks.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span> can be a beautiful thing. like:: metamorphasis is truly one of the most breathtaking things in the whole world. it is truly magical that a caterpillar spins itself a little cozy chrysalis and then one day bursts out and is a colorful creature that is beautiful and gentle. and i don't think people think about it often enough. we just see butterflies. but we forget the miracle that has just taken place.<br />
<br />
i think this often happens. we forget that change can bring beauty. i think i am struggling to grasp that truth as of late. but as always i will try my best to draw near to the ONE that never changes. my Savior. my Papa. i think if i am being totally honest with you - i'm kinda stuck in that metamorphasis stage. like i've been wound up + i'm ready to burst out of my shell but i don't know what direction i'm supposed to fly + i don't know what colors i'm going to be. i hope i know soon.<br />
<br />
[so now i will go on a dramatic rant about all the things that have been <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">changing</span> in my life over the past few months:: and you my beautiful reader will either read my ramblings or click the x because you might be tired of my dramatic rants. i ask you to give me a chance though.]<br />
<br />
spoiler alert:: there are 7. because i was born in July. the 7th month. okay thats all.<br />
<br />
1. my small group ended. people. i LOVED my bible study this year. it was something that i accidentally ended up at one day in september when i was in a major funk and never looked back. but really. i was being a grump and my mama was in florida and called me and demanded that i stop being a grump and call one of my best friends rachel and see if i could go to her small group with her that night. turns out it was the first night ever. total God moment. i learned so much this year about who God is and the plans he has for my life. it helped that i got to learn it amongst some beautiful people. so that ended and that was a big bummer. it ended and it was <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2R-Kxd6-9D3EtM4Mk6aYYAsCvwoAgqC_h4XuqcgIMK7q3cumC6fFBiDY_09VTGpKg7Qz8f3h4gjm3gsGriPt0Bk1cfvaw7_wPgOoJHo3h0_Con9QAjUJZT0RXdUA6pa1UfOeX_n2b_PbY/s1600/11041514_10204681864673244_5243407161329231512_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2R-Kxd6-9D3EtM4Mk6aYYAsCvwoAgqC_h4XuqcgIMK7q3cumC6fFBiDY_09VTGpKg7Qz8f3h4gjm3gsGriPt0Bk1cfvaw7_wPgOoJHo3h0_Con9QAjUJZT0RXdUA6pa1UfOeX_n2b_PbY/s320/11041514_10204681864673244_5243407161329231512_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
2. my best friend since the age of 2 got married. her name is Ana Maria. a few hours before the wedding she handed me a note that left me in tears. filled with memories of our childhood. precious words written about the deep friendship and sisterhood we have formed over the past 21 years. and i had flashbacks of moments. sweet sweet moments. you see we used to play dress up all the time. one of us would be the bride. one of us the maid. and our friend samuel the husband. actually - on more than one occasion samuel was the bride but we don't need to talk about his 5 year old confustion. hahah. those are days that i will never forget. but this wedding - on a beautiful day in May was real. and i was a real life maid and got to see my beautiful forever friend marry the love of her life. i will never forget those moments. yes marriage is a beautiful <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>. but i know full well that marriage changes friendships. it just does. it was such a beautiful day + something i will never forget. ana maria - i love you sister. even in the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglLJZXE1xU8_1E55VhCNAmtgC7ZKgiNvD6tZc2Z4ry66MytULRK5vDajCfoYgqg2CjhLwHgQGd0IoFW6QI_HYG_sBhxyrCrgKtLtlkWPzbn2eD_8pJeFmh75cHSVrL9D2khdYQIXawl9zk/s1600/11205564_10204713844432718_5730126467394221667_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglLJZXE1xU8_1E55VhCNAmtgC7ZKgiNvD6tZc2Z4ry66MytULRK5vDajCfoYgqg2CjhLwHgQGd0IoFW6QI_HYG_sBhxyrCrgKtLtlkWPzbn2eD_8pJeFmh75cHSVrL9D2khdYQIXawl9zk/s320/11205564_10204713844432718_5730126467394221667_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGt0s9oKyqIdD53N6zO5lFf62FSfShzHGMoUYFvYD2bIcMgIMHpNnFEe9srgnjShr3ufEoEPsuzIxBceGOd02JhoA30p-4jYEklNvo8-stx_Mkryqs8kyi_8_q-yHIZPnOWeWd3XdI5PW/s1600/10436020_10204826998301494_2393148511852721718_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGt0s9oKyqIdD53N6zO5lFf62FSfShzHGMoUYFvYD2bIcMgIMHpNnFEe9srgnjShr3ufEoEPsuzIxBceGOd02JhoA30p-4jYEklNvo8-stx_Mkryqs8kyi_8_q-yHIZPnOWeWd3XdI5PW/s320/10436020_10204826998301494_2393148511852721718_n.jpg" width="274" /></a></div>
<br />
3. i graduated from college! GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!!! miracles do happen my friends. if you know me well you know that school has been a real struggle my entire life. my brain doesn't understand a number when it looks at one. grammar isn't my thing. and don't even get me started on science. but i found my niche + being finished is SUCH a great feeling. i now have my BA in Child Development! Long term goal is to get my Masters in Child Life. For now i am excited to see what the Lord has planned for me next. Not sure what my next step is exactly but He definitely does so i have peace about it. but it is still <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY4v9_0UdDq6NWEwzQs6hmkQcICRkrJ7wY1GMSEX2xZpGltf1sFwi9cgGRZiz-ZuLwslBAq4ewEB5v4jAtnL7A8IwRS4SOggudkmJrWQma5VqRTykXvki0X3aKX04ghkurfbZjRWIwPUfx/s1600/10454337_10204733698289052_9074657730897743871_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY4v9_0UdDq6NWEwzQs6hmkQcICRkrJ7wY1GMSEX2xZpGltf1sFwi9cgGRZiz-ZuLwslBAq4ewEB5v4jAtnL7A8IwRS4SOggudkmJrWQma5VqRTykXvki0X3aKX04ghkurfbZjRWIwPUfx/s320/10454337_10204733698289052_9074657730897743871_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqUUPG0rnW6_kxLc3ytJcaOg1tSu2SMtILRaKwiWseCi-p_nQ9-eW6GtV0m-XBiffmME29wyUIdWXHBxtMOsGLxw84HhrA4Y84uHyApfEn00olpw_ekq1GjzgwrUlQ4860spAkFEsUiRD_/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqUUPG0rnW6_kxLc3ytJcaOg1tSu2SMtILRaKwiWseCi-p_nQ9-eW6GtV0m-XBiffmME29wyUIdWXHBxtMOsGLxw84HhrA4Y84uHyApfEn00olpw_ekq1GjzgwrUlQ4860spAkFEsUiRD_/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>
<br />
4. my big sister is moving HOME! and i mean home. she will be living exactly 1.3 miles away. this summer i get to watch the littles. i am eager to see how long it takes me to decide that my dream of 5 children is just that ... a dream. hahah just kidding. since i was little i wanted jordyn to move back + i am so glad that she finally is! i am eager to spend more time together + have the opportunity to watch malakai and shiloh. i don't know where the Lord is going to lead me next so i will treasure these moments. but moving is...you guessed it...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08ER54SSTq7N2mXCbZJhWCv9YpTldn2ule3ZbilVvPRZZxTnzizkg5h_Br8Bk-J2Gdd7fYij6PNBzm_RTgKccJcBxfVvxgxPV_1HtVf2zKL5kAf6y-x1Ub7EkzTL_1ljdUdGO7ZQLK_X-/s1600/10418912_10204561047412888_6583706071071153558_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08ER54SSTq7N2mXCbZJhWCv9YpTldn2ule3ZbilVvPRZZxTnzizkg5h_Br8Bk-J2Gdd7fYij6PNBzm_RTgKccJcBxfVvxgxPV_1HtVf2zKL5kAf6y-x1Ub7EkzTL_1ljdUdGO7ZQLK_X-/s320/10418912_10204561047412888_6583706071071153558_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
5. babies. babies. babies. this spring a few of my cousins had babies. babies who were so fervently prayed for. my cousin Korrie had a baby girl named Taylor Jae. She is a beauty. My cousin Kellie had a baby boy named Milo David. He is pretty fresh and still an itty bitty. So grateful to serve a God that hears our prayers and blesses us in ways better than we could ever imagine. These babies are proof of His promises and perfect plan. beautiful living breathing <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKD-JzVWncNOnD8nP6yB2Cmkk073Ft6AYWliUj-amg7lRkO_ChEp_tVwtnA5mjobUD0AIHdm2kcvQr0qe5bgpGlJIJrnL7yggqIAGtLzY97EzZNQKMjnx4FY8RFgnVl5h_j5tkB-m2UvU/s1600/IMG_2115.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKD-JzVWncNOnD8nP6yB2Cmkk073Ft6AYWliUj-amg7lRkO_ChEp_tVwtnA5mjobUD0AIHdm2kcvQr0qe5bgpGlJIJrnL7yggqIAGtLzY97EzZNQKMjnx4FY8RFgnVl5h_j5tkB-m2UvU/s320/IMG_2115.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">taylor jae </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8tf2-clmfzYVb94bJU7ZWEEkcL1Afj0jQ3LpB7janZxFVKyBAGFcR2grv3GLJiNH93n_PY__djVpvnyNXIHK7tVUEPsDJozx-0Om5sYB4T59Ml8_rk6SUoiP_85j0U8HHHMzj_8AskAKw/s1600/IMG_2935.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8tf2-clmfzYVb94bJU7ZWEEkcL1Afj0jQ3LpB7janZxFVKyBAGFcR2grv3GLJiNH93n_PY__djVpvnyNXIHK7tVUEPsDJozx-0Om5sYB4T59Ml8_rk6SUoiP_85j0U8HHHMzj_8AskAKw/s320/IMG_2935.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">milo david</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
6. in a week one of my best friends erin tesia is getting married + it is finally sinking in. i'm not sure that i'm emotionally prepared for the week that is ahead. like i said before...marriage brings <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>...it just does. i am so grateful that she found Noel - her fiance. i couldn't have picked a better guy for her. he loves her well and is so very patient. i am sure that sometimes the two of us drive him a little crazy especially when we both sit on the couch and sob watching grey's anatomy. haha. [ rest in peace derek shepheard. ] but i am grateful that the Lord designed them for one another. erin - i love you sister and i can't wait to be your maid. i know you will be a breathtaking bride.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46zbUn9ZdHBxMJqvICViOoUTORDRiSC0GfMiBITknHK5ooftcOYdXRoIuOn919_p3Buqq8aNe0clcmLd4THy_GrnN5C_WUg8qOTYPE2qzNzuUbLT2s4ckqgLBBTmTTNvbPVHNXP3SoTCT/s1600/IMG_2864.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj46zbUn9ZdHBxMJqvICViOoUTORDRiSC0GfMiBITknHK5ooftcOYdXRoIuOn919_p3Buqq8aNe0clcmLd4THy_GrnN5C_WUg8qOTYPE2qzNzuUbLT2s4ckqgLBBTmTTNvbPVHNXP3SoTCT/s320/IMG_2864.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
7. my big brother is moving back to California today. i realize i am often dramatic about such things. but in all honesty this one is really the biggest bummer. even on the days i am totally mad at him Seth Brooks will always remain one of my favorite people in the whole history of the world. there is just something so very special about growing up with a big brother. i definitely think the age gap helps us - props to you mama + daddy for accidentally getting pregnant with me. anyways. my best brother friend is moving away and this is a change i do not like very much at all. but hey at least i'll get to go see him in the golden state which is one of my favorite places. how bittersweet it is - this - <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">change</span>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIior1ueDobCqGdHMNfs_ZBJmrJCSoZHv6AZQOQnkLH3AHjVHBrPlOQViZXjuLmOeoRvsaNNEPsfpOcDBKPhpPYXVLx-7XGORHawm2iZAmlon5Xyz6R6eePXTrvltLx2KRm2JVD4qdb1eS/s1600/IMG_3051.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIior1ueDobCqGdHMNfs_ZBJmrJCSoZHv6AZQOQnkLH3AHjVHBrPlOQViZXjuLmOeoRvsaNNEPsfpOcDBKPhpPYXVLx-7XGORHawm2iZAmlon5Xyz6R6eePXTrvltLx2KRm2JVD4qdb1eS/s320/IMG_3051.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
as you can see - nothing has been stable lately. the last few weeks i weep at the drop of a hat. more than normal haha. i guess i'm just learning to cope. cope with the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">changes</span> at hand. i think eventually it'll get easier. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
there will always be something that is <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">changing </span>in this life. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
while things of this earth will be forever moving</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i am so grateful that my loving Savior will always <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i>remain</i><b>.</b></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b>my Papa will stay near. </b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b>HE will NOT change. </b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b>ever. </b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b>GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!</b></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Blessed by a heavenly Daddy, </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Shelby Elyse </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />Shelby http://www.blogger.com/profile/13137405943600547743noreply@blogger.com0