Thursday, December 1, 2011

Hope is the Soul of the Dreamer & Heaven Is The Home of my God

 So as i wrote in my last post, i have been having headaches...its been a consistent one for about 3.5 weeks now, in the back of my head, same place where it was when i got my tumor diagnosis.

 So yesterday i went to the Neurologist, i went by myself because i wanted to be a "big girl" and i told mom and dad "i'm 20 years old, i can do this" well, that was probably the first mistake. So i got there, they weighed me, measured me, i lost some pounds since my visit last year, so that made me happy & i haven't grown haha but i mean thats no suprise! Well the nurse finished everything, i signed all the papers, then i sat in the little room, all by myself and a few minutes later the doc game in. All perky and pediatric like, with his Shrek tie and black suspenders, and he said "no mom?" and i said "no dr. enlow, i'm 20 now, i can do this!" he just smiled and began to ask all the normal questions, then he had be hop up on the table.

I sat there, he looked in my throat, listened to my heart ( i quietly reminded him that i have a murmur, he always forgets, and i always remind him or else he panics & wants to send me right up to cardiology haha ) then he looked in my eyes with his little light, first my left, then my right, then my left again, then my right again, he did this for a while. I began to get a little panicy inside and then said "is there fluid? do you see anything weird?" because of the position of my tumor if it is growing i get fluid build up and become hydrosephalic and usually you can tell my looking in my eyes. He just looked at me and said, "i dont see anything crazy but i think we should do an MRI just to be safe", he explained that he couldnt say if the tumor was growing or not without a scan. I at this point was thinking to myself "i am a total idiot, i shouldnt have wanted to be a grown up, mom should have come" Then he had me track his finger with my eyes, and he noticed they were turning in, and i had to remind him i see the opthamologist for that and not to worry haha.

 I hopped down off the table and he started writing, writing writing and more writing, then he handed me my prescription refill for my meds, the script for the MRI and my paperwork from the day. As i looked at the MRI papers he circled "Pregnancy Test" i laughed and said "oh dr. enlow i'm not pregnant...i promise i am a pure little person!" and he said i needed to have one anyways...i guess he doenst understand that i mean im like the purest little person ever, like if i was pregnant it would be the second birth of Christ. hahah so that was a giggle to my gloomy day...but i still have to pee on a stick today i guess...whatever.

 So today i have my MRI ... at 2:15 at Akron Childrens... he wanted it asap, and i am glad, i just wanna know...if it is bad news they will ask us to go sit in the waiting room, if it is good news we will get to go home and we'll get a phone call...i've been through this, i know doctor speak!

So for now i realize God is in control, He is a Healer, He will NEVER leave me, He promises to never give me more than i can handle & i find peace in those things. The Lord just may have another plan in store for me right now than i was expecting, but we shall see. Thanks to everyone who is praying! it is appreciated!

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse Taylor

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