Thursday, January 31, 2013

i'm just me.

i like coffee cups. and the stuff that goes in them.

i like big hoodies.

i like you.

i like writing lyrics. 

i like things with patterns, they are more interesting.

i like california.

i like things with initials on them.

i like reality tv

i like mac and cheese, and the noise it makes when you stir it.

i like staying up really late.

i like (g-free) waffles. one day i will make my husband make them with me at 3am.

i like to sing.

i like that everyone has a story to tell.

i like being with my sister and brother. the 3 amigos. 

i like ryan gosling. 

i like wearing bows and headbands. they make statements.

i like dresses in the summer. fall. winter. and spring.

i like hard cover books. especially old ones.

i like the sunshine. 

i like shoes. i have a lot. it might be a problem.

i like james taylor.

i like to journal. and journal. and journal. and blog.

i like pictures. but not taking them.

i like heaven. i can't wait to be there.

i like to help people. 

i like weddings. they are magical.

i like to bake. okay i love it. a lot.

i like to talk to my parents. 

i like country music.

i like being sassy. 

i like french fries. and cheeseburgers. and milkshakes. sue me. 

i like long car rides, especially to the beach.

i like adoption.

i like the rain. mostly on sundays. 

i like "my best friends wedding" julia roberts is great.

i like my nephew.

i like that my dad can know something is wrong simply by looking at my eyes.

i like that i get to see people i miss again one day.

i like my house. i like my room.

i like tennessee.

i like nicholas sparks books. and movies. 

i like oatmeal. and cereals. a lot.

i like middle names. maybe more than firsts. maybe its a fetish

i like seeing peoples faces, no masks, no costumes, just be you.

i like carbonation. a lot. bubbly is better.

i like my nicknames. ( weezer, shel, shel-baby, shelby-baby, shel-bulb, bulby-baby, trooper, the leeester, shelbs, shelblisheniquia hahah, shorty, tiny taylor.) and many many more.

i like rap music. no really. i do.

i like movies with tom hanks and meg ryan.

i like buffalo. chicken. chili. pizza. anything. 

i like the power of prayer.

i like tyler hilton.

i like disney. world. land. cruise. it is all like a fairytale.

i like being small.

i like my crazy hair. and my glasses.

i like being the youngest.

i like my family.

i like my faith.

i LOVE my Jesus. 

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

let them see You in me.

this life i have been given is more than i could have ever imagined.
there have been so many wonderful things along the way.
i realize that lots of time my blog has reflected the battles. but there has been beauty.
i promise.

my heart is full most days. i have been blessed. the Lord has kept his promises. 
from the moment i was born i was set up to be a fighter, but i was also set to tell a story.
many of you know and many of you don't, but i was born very early "she won't make it through the night" are some of the first words my parents heard. so i was named that night, soley with the intention that i wouldn't die without a name.
Shelby means "little rock"
Elyse means "God's promise"
mom and dad chose wisely.
i made it through that night, and i have made it through 7,868 more.

my family means more to me than i could ever describe. my dad is a beautiful example of a father. he is smart, kind, one of the most compassionate people i have ever met, and has a heart that radiates the love of Jesus. mom is superwoman. i swear, that lady should have a cape. she is sassy and spunky like me, a true servant in every way and has always always always kept us kids first. my parents have been more brave than me at times. they have held the family together. i often forget to thank them for this. they also chose great things for us. the Lord worked in amazing ways. He led them to Kent, He led my dad to CVCA. He led and led and led. and then all of a sudden we all went through Christian school from kindergarten to 12th grade. that is what i call blessed. so many people can't wait to get out of highschool. but not me. i was transformed there. my teachers became mentors and friends. i got to do incredible things. and this all because my parents followed the Lord's lead. they are incredible. i am blessed

the sister and brother.  they are the kind of big sister and big brother that i dream of my kids being like one day. Jordyn has taught me to stand up for myself, that I am beautiful no matter what, and when life pushes you down, you have to pick yourself back up, or find people to help you up, and keep moving. Seth has taught me that I should always follow my dreams, fight for what I believe in, that I should always be myself, and that good Christian guys who treat girls like princesses do exist, so I should never settle for anything less...sissy and roo as i call them are my partners in crime. i know as a tiny curly headed munchin i annoyed them on thousands of occasions, but it was soley because i adore them. i am blessed.

my friends. wow. to name them all would take too long, and yet it may not. because true friends come few and far between, but still i believe i have been blessed abundantly. i have had a best friend since i was 2. more came in kindergarten. some when i was 10. more when i was 13. and after that new ones each year, until now. until the past few weeks in fact. they have all loved me through thick and thin. they sat at my bedside after my brain surgery, came to the rescue when my family was going through hard times, brought ben and jerry's when i was sad a boy didn't like me, laughed until we cried, stayed up all night, taken road trips, embarassed me, and stood up for me if anyone else tried to embarass me. they love the Lord, and though each has their own path on this crazy journey, our faith and relationships with Jesus have kept us knit together. some of them have been with me through every major milestone. some of them have moved away, and a few have moved out of my life. but still. blessed.

i have so many people who i love. and so many that love me so well. 
i have so much to be thankful for.   
the Lord has orchestrated my life in a beautiful way. i have been blessed. i often hope that i live my life in a way that glorifies Him. 
i realize i am only a shimmer of the glowing sparkly body of Christ, but i hope that i can do amazing things for Him and for his every growing Kingdom. i know i have a story for a reason. i know i need to tell it. 
but most importantly, i do not want to get caught up in this life, i want to keep my eyes on what this life is about, and it is to bring people to Christ. to be a "Messenger."

 i hope that i am doing this well, living my life in a way that is bringing Him joy.
this song. is what i want my life to reflect. scroll down. listen. colton is one of my favorite artists, his new album is a rockstar reflection of his love of the Lord. 

let them see You in me, let them hear You when i speak, let them feel You when i sing, let them see You, let them see You in me.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

p.s. still waiting on bloodwork from last week. the mail away tests take longer. please continue to pray that my white cells continue to multiply. the Lord has been faithful this week.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

ohana means family


 merriam-webster has 8 definitions of family. none of them that i like. the only definition that i have ever liked comes from a disney movie.

"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten."
 - Lilo & Stitch

i have been very lucky to be blessed with such a beautiful family. a very big, crazy, loud, loving, hilarious and sometimes out of control beautiful family. but who is counting adjectives?

today i'm not focusing on mom and dad, or jordyn and seth. today i am focusing on the extendid crew. fasten your seatbelts, or maybe grab some popcorn, you might be entertained.

aunts and uncles. there are lots. i would go from most favorite to least, but i feel like i'd step on some toes, or not get birthday money next year ( JUST KIDDING!!! )

Alright from oldest to youngest on dad's side. Aunt Nancy married Uncle Tim. they live far, we miss holidays with them. aunt nancy talks a lot just like me. Aunt Robin married Uncle Rick. aunt robin is daddy's twin, she shares my love of cooking. Aunt Julie married Uncle Richard they are like my substitute parents. they go to the beach with us, that is always an adventure. then there is Uncle Phil, he might take the prize for favorite. He suffers from Schizoprenia, i love him so much. he has 100 "passwords" loves to sing and loves his nieces and nephews. if you need encouragment just find Phil.

Mom's side. Uncle Brad married Aunt Tracie. uncle brad is the prankster, once he sent me a disney cruise dvd and a letter saying i was going on one, i wasn't. uncle brad has a heart of gold though really, he just tries to be funny.  Aunt Kelly married uncle Tim. i don't get to see them as often, but when i do it is the best time. aunt kelly and i share a special "baby of the family" bond.

i have a lot of cousins. and i am the youngest of all of us. i like it this way. probably because i like the attention some of the time. i maybe even secretly like being picked on by all the big guys "no brad i dont have a hickey...its just a bruise!" is a normal sentence to hear on thanksgiving. but more than this. i have incredible role models. they have all grown up ahead of me, taught me lessons, shown me the way, found Christian spouses and set amazing examples. i feel like they are just extra brothers and ready? heres the list.

Nathan, Christen, Isaac, Joshua, Caleb, Ryan, Korrie, Joshua, Kayla, Cortney, Cassidy, Kellie and Caleb. they are the cousins. then most of them got married. so there is Brittany, Ronnie, Karen, Heather, Robyn, Brad, Denise, Nic, and soon to be married in Micah! then some of them had kids. so there is Evie, Wyatt, Baby inside of Christen, Makyah, Ayden, Mia, Addison, and Collin. yeah i know you are all confused and care less. but think about alllll of this at a holiday. yeah it's chaos.

oh wait. i forgot Paige. she is Kellie's best friend. and one of my favorite people on planet earth. i have known her basically my whole life. she is the adopted cousin. she is married to Mark. they have 2 kids. Bryson and Madison.

speaking of Kellie. she is my favorite cousin. everyone knows this. and everyone is fine with it, because they understand. Kellie is a cancer survivor. she beat Lymphoma. she is my hero. every battle i face i think "Kellie beat cancer, i can do this." She is the most beautiful Godly lady, full of spunk and full of life. I thank God for her so often. I can't wait to see her marry Micah in May. that will be a beautiful day.

i have found that at time family is the only thing you can count on. friends will come and they will go. trust me, it happens. but if you have an amazing family surrounding you, supporting you, guiding you. life becomes a little bit easier.

i dont know even if i said everything i wanted to. anatomy fried my brain today. then i just watched literally 8 episodes of parenthood. yeah. i have no life. i need to get out more haha. but i hope you liked my rant. if not. come back tomorrow. i might have something insiteful for you.

love you all

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy.

Shelby Elyse Taylor

keep your head up.

it's tuesday. but im gunna write about monday. because its only been tuesday for 13 minutes. i hope that is okay with you.

today was so many things. overwhelming. joyful. tiring. and praiseworthy.

i woke up with my heart still anxious. i sat on my bed with a big cup of coffee, bible open and just prayed and journaled and read the Word. just asking God to take away all my fears for the day. praying for everyone i love. everyone who is facing their own battles. i find that mornings like this put things in perspective, i'm worried about my blood cells being weird, but other people are facing much greater things.

i had some cereal, got ready and off to clinical i went. today was very different. i didnt get to play with the kids on the school age floor, i wasn't doing puzzles or coloring. i wasn't playing the wii or doing a craft. instead something much more meaningful, and kind of magical happened. i got sent to a different floor. i got to hold a 2 week old little dude. for 2.5 hours. i fed him his bottle. changed a diaper. rocked him. sang to him. ( about 20 taylor swift songs i might add. he might be her littlest fan now. ) it was maybe one of my favorite afternoons of my life. that little boy melted my heart. i loved every second of it...

... except for one point. there weren't any visitors. his parents werent there. he was alone in that crib all day until i came to hold him. it really made me upset. and i cried the whole car ride to class. and the whole car ride home. it was overwhelming. i so wished i could have held him all day and night and then again all day tomorrow. i called my mom after my classes and just cried on the phone saying "mom he didnt have anyone...he was just alone...he's only 2 weeks old mom..." i was broken. it was hard. please pray for this baby boy, that one day he will grow up to do mighty things, and live a very healthy life.

also...if you all think all i do is cry. dont worry. its just sometimes. i'm not always an emotional basketcase. mom says "your just a girl."

i got home. ate some g-free spaghetti with Corrie's papa's meat sauce YUMMMMM...watched the bachelor. ( i would elaborate on everyone i love and hate but i wont. ) and now im all snuggled in my bed blogging and i'll probably watch something on netflix because i'm not even close to tired....but one more thing!

tonight i got such good news:: my friend Robert got good test results today! we've been praying for each other's battles the past few weeks. please keep him in your prayers, as his journey isnt over.

My soul longs for your salvation; I hope in your word. Psalms 119:81

i love you all. 

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

Sunday, January 27, 2013

an anxious heart

my weekend was full. of friends, family, and favorite things. cookies were baked, there was much laughter i felt blessed. i had bible study with some of my favorite girls, and movie nights with friends i've had for 16+ years. i didnt cry once.

quiet time with the Lord, cereal, and nicholas sparks movies and music consumed my sunday. homework was finished, i took a nap. i had breakfast for dinner. still favorites.

but today i cried. just once. mom and dad were both gone. i got an overwhelming feeling. my heart is anxious. it's been 9 days since i had bloodwork. they said some of the tests would take awhile to get back. i am not a very patient person. i've learned this quickly over the past week. everyone has celebrated the rise in my numbers. i have as well. but until every test comes back with positive results, my heart can't rest.

i know you are all thinking of the bible verse. "do not be anxious about anything..." yeah well i've gotta say, it's much easier said than done. my heart is anxious. i'm just being honest. im not looking for sympathy. im simply speaking the truth.

i think often times i put on the bravest face possible. i say im good. i try to encourage others that i'm gunna be just fine. but today im not feeling too brave. so i wait. i pray. i trust. and i really hope that tomorrow we get the rest of the test results.

so while tonight my heart is anxious. tomorrow i hope it's not.

good news:: i've been off migraine meds for 3 weeks, and i've only had 1 migraine!

"You have come this far. DON'T give up now." - Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)

i love you all. thanks for the continued prayers. God is good!

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse

the HOUSE that built me.

it's always been my outlet. i can listen to a song 2 times and have the words memorized. i sing in the car, the shower, all around my house, at stores, its just what i do. music has always been easy, when other things have not. school is so hard for me, but if i know a song that goes with what i'm learning, it suddenly becomes easy. if i can't get my words out, or i have thoughts stuck in my head, i grab my notebook and pen and just write lyrics. melodies are my way of expressing myself. it's been this way for a long time. but something that i've learned is; there are so many songs that get me right in the gut and literally bring me to tears. 
house that built me by miranda lambert is one of those.

the first time i heard it, i fell in love with the lyrics. the second time i heard it, i realized that this song meant something to me, probably more than miranda lambert, and blake shelton intended it to. i realized that this song reflected my FAITH. in my mind the HOUSE that built me, is the KINGDOM of HEAVEN. 

today. this song is on repeat. 

I know they say you cant go home again. 
I just had to come back one last time. 
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam. 
But these handprints on the front steps are mine. 
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom 
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar. 
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak 
my favorite dog is buried in the yard. 

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it 
this brokenness inside me might start healing. 

Out here its like I'm someone else, 
I thought that maybe I could find myself 
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave. 
Won't take nothing but a memory 
from the house that built me. 

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years. 
From 'Better Homes and Garden' magazines. 
Plans were drawn, concrete poured, 
and nail by nail and board by board 
Daddy gave life to mama's dream. 

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it 
this brokenness inside me might start healing. 
Out here its like I'm someone else, 
I thought that maybe I could find myself. 

If I could just come in I swear I'll leave. 
Won't take nothing but a memory 
from the house that built me. 

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can. 
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am. 

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it 
this brokenness inside me might start healing. 
Out here its like I'm someone else, 
I thought that maybe I could find myself. 
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave. 
Won't take nothing but a memory 
from the house that built me.


Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

i believe YOU'RE my HEALER.

this week i saw the Lord do amazing things in my life. but on this wintery saturday morning my heart aches for others.

yesterday my family friend allie found out that yet again, her cancer is not in remission. i have spoke of her often on my blog. but this time i am speaking with a heavy heart, asking you to pray and pray again for her and her young family. i met them years ago when adam was my bible teacher freshman year, he was new to cvca and soon became one of my favorite people. allie and adam have 3 little girls; paige, hayleigh and mollie. the girls are every kind of precious. please pray that their mommy will be healed. she needs to be in remission to get her 2nd bone marrow transplant. and she isn't. please pray for them in the days ahead as they decide the next steps in this journey they are on.

i know what it is like to get bad news. to think the best and the outcome is the worst. i also know that the Lord is good, and whatever the outcomes may be, good or bad, they are always in His will for our lives. i remember when i got diagnosed with my brain tumor, my first questions were "am i going to die?" "will i be the same and remember people" and then the inevitable "are you going to shave alllll my hair off?" these questions were answered with my doctor's precious voice shaking "i will try my best to help you live shelby" "we are going to be as careful as possible, there is always risk, we hope you will remember, you should be the same" and "nooo i'll keep as much hair as possible. thats great hair." only later on did i realize that indeed, i would never be the same. i think that is the point of suffering. i've been talking to my friend about the movie a walk to remember the past few days, and i love the like that says "without suffering there would be no compassion." this quote speaks 100000 truths. if i had never gone through what i had, i dont think i would have the heart i do for others with battles.

i also remember my pastor coming over that night to pray with me and he softly spoke these words that i have never forgotten. he prayed for healing, and that i wouldnt be afraid and then he said we pray that through this unimaginable circumstance, others will come to know you, and grow closer to You. in my 13 year old brain, i didnt understand the whole impact of what he was asking, but now i do. the Lord can take the worst circumstances, and turn them to beauty. i have no idea but i pray that through my beautiful battle someone has come to know the Lord, or their faith has grown. i also pray that about Allie. she is battling a monster, called leukemia, but in the Lord's perfect plan, i pray that her journey is helping bring others to Christ.

My friend Natalie always says, "God is God and God is Good." i love this. even when we can't feel Him, He is still here, forever, unchanging. and He is still good.

Please, take time to read Allie's Blog. <---- right there it is! click it!
and as you read, pray.

You hold my every moment You calm my raging sea You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease. I trust in You I trust in You. I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need I believe.  I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus, You're all I need. Nothing is impossible for You. Nothing is impossible Nothing is impossible for You You hold my world in Your hands. I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need Oh yes You are, yes You are. I believe You're my portion Lord, I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, therefore i will hope in Him." - Lamentations 3: 22-24

I love you all! 

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

Friday, January 25, 2013

we should have a sitcom

Summer 2012

Nina & Simina.
i don't know what i'd do without them. 
most of the time we're together me and nina are fighting and simina has to be the mediator. but i kind of love it that way. 
tonight we watched the nicholas sparks movie "The Last Song" we all sat there and freaked out yelling "i wanna be in love" or "omg liam hemsworth in that v-neck. ahhhhh" and it was just the best thing ever. it got my mind off so much.
we ventured to chipotle. watched the movie. watched grey's anatomy. talked about futures and just spent time together. it was great.
thanks for being my extra sisters. i love you both. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

on a wednesday...

i wish i could finish that line by saying "in a cafe, i watched it begin again." unfortunately for me, i didnt, still single. hahah


woke up 11:39. really. coffee. bubble bath. oatmeal. watched the vow. coffee. watched rachael ray. class. picked up eva. giant eagle. dropped groceries off at home. dinner with the dipaolo's. cookie baking with eva. went to elly's to watch american idol. we made caesar salads and popcorn. watched american idol. drove home in a blizzard. ordered another copy of 17 day diet. talked with mama. crawled into bed. studied anatomy. blog. bedtime.

wow. today i ate and watched tv. i am THE most active person ever. go me.

today was much needed. wow. i can't even put into words how stressful this last week was. thanks to everyone who has been standing in prayer with me.

seth taylor, if you are reading this. call your baby sister. i miss you.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse Taylor

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

not for a moment will YOU forsake me.


that is what i have chosen to describe this as. The doctors can say i might have had a virus, or perhaps it was a bit of a lab error, but i believe that through the power of prayer, the Lord had my body start producing white cells this week.

I am left full of joy and so much thankfulness on this cold January night. We aren't completely out of the woods, as a few tests need to come back still, but for now i have joy.

The doctor called at 2pm today. He was so excited to tell me the news. He said my white count levels have come up drastically and although they are still in low ranges, he isn't as afraid anymore. He said the tests that aren't back yet will hopefully tell us what was going on, and if my body has trouble producing WBCs.

He started to laugh a little about halfway through our conversation and said this "Shelby, i know you are relieved, and im going to be totally honest with you, i am too. I honestly didn't know what we were going to do, because i was puzzled, i literally had no idea what was wrong and why your body was doing this. I am so happy for you."

I mean if a doctor can be that honest with me, i think i'll keep him.

He continued to tell me that i need to get pneumonia preventative shots since my antibodies dont fight it, and we would go from there. Once the rest of the bloodwork is in, we will meet and talk over all the results, get my shots and go from there.

He said that he wants to do the bloodwork again in a few months, to make sure i am okay. We still have no idea why my counts were so low. Probably a virus, maybe a lab error, we may never know. But he wants to stay on top of things because obviously my little body has a mind of her own.

I asked a few questions, we laughed about how great of news this is, he said see you soon, we hung up. I ran into the living room to tell mom the great news and she threw up her hands and said "thank you JESUS!" and started crying. And i have cried so much over the past week, i just stood there and laughed and said "mommmm stop it!!!" but she said she was just too happy!! It was such great news. We were trying to stay so positive the past few days, but we had to be realistic, in case i wasn't okay. Today was awesome.

Tonight, i had dinner with an amazing friend and sister in Christ, Andrea. She is one of my mentor's and i honestly dont know what i'd do without her! We celebrated at my favorite restaurant Rockne's!

You were reaching through the storm, walking on the water. even when I could not see ithe middle of it all when I thought You were a thousand miles away not for a moment did You forsake me. You were singing in the dark
whispering Your promise even when I could not hear, I was held in Your arms carried for a thousand miles to show
not for a moment did You forsake me. a
nd every step every breath you are there every tear every cry every prayer
In my heart at my worst when my world falls down. not for a moment will You forsake me."

       - Meredith Andrews 

"But as for me, i will ALWAYS have hope." - Psalm 71:14

Thank you for all the prayers. I felt them. They worked. the Lord is FAITHFUL. Tonight i am comforted.

I love you all. So much! 

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse Taylor 

Monday, January 21, 2013

a case of the mondays

7 am wakeup. 7 vials of blood. a driving dad. 1 hour nap. oatmeal. coffee. 3 hours at Children's hospital. 5 adorable children. a snowy drive home. an apple. 2 hour nap. an awesome best friend. cucumber and hummus with elly. bachelor with my friends. stove top popcorn. 6 peanut butter m&m's. a blanket. a blog. bedtime.

"hold on, God knows what He is doing."

[ if God is all you have, you have ALL you need. ] - John 14:8

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

 Shelby Elyse Taylor

Sunday, January 20, 2013


im grumpy. im feeling sassy. i want to scream and fight and yell with everyone. today i am full of so many emotions.
im stressed and want answers. im exhausted. im tired of needles. im wishing my brother lived in ohio.
today im just not me.
today is hard

tomorrow will be better. 

[ don’t be afraid, just believe. ] 
  - mark 5:36

Thursday, January 17, 2013

impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles.

Well. here we go again...
 it seems every time i think i know where the Lord is leading me i get stopped, and He shakes His pointer finger at me and says "no daughter, remember Shelby, I am in control!" so tonight i find more peace than last night. today was filled with sunshine, beautiful friends and a mostly relaxing night. tonight i will go to bed without feeling like my heart is in my belly but who knows how long the peace will last. i should probably elaborate for ya'll.

okay flashback. last thursday i went to an allergist/immunoloist, we wanted to see if i could get a treatment to boost my immune system for the winter months because of the hours i need to put in at children's and i just don't wanna get sick anymore.

so i sat down with him, discussed everything. we did an allergy test on my back. 28 pricks, nothing rose up, no allergies. shocking really. then i did a breathing test, we realized i have a little asthma and when i get sick it probably gets worse. they showed me how to use the inhaler with this awesome little attatchment thingy on it. the nurse was so nice. the doctor was too. he's young. he's a fresh out of medschool pediatric guy. i like him.

next he said he thought he should do some bloodwork to check my immunity and blood counts and all that jazz. so i walked to the lab. got 6 vials of blood drawn and left. and waited...expecting nothing.

monday at midnight. i get an email. saying my results are in. i look. my heart sunk. this can't be right my mind is saying. my levels were sooo low. it said i had "lymphocytopenia" basically low white count levels. my mind raced. i wanted to puke. not cool. tuesday came. no call. still waiting on a few tests. wednesday came. i called doc. he called back around 5:43pm to be exact. and we had the following conversation.

"shelby. you have what we call lymphocytopenia. your white counts are extremely low. your 't-cells' are VERY low. your 'b-cells' are okay. you are having problems either getting enough white blood cells or your body isnt producing them properly. your antibodies are okay in some areas, but when we put some virus and bacteria in like pneumonia the antibodies don't work. this isn't an emergency but it's not good, you need white cells to defend against things. you need more bloodwork this week, we'll watch the cultures for 7-10 days. then you will come in and we'll look at everything, decide the next plan of action. if they are still low, we will meet with hemotology and we will do a bone marrow biopsy to find out whats going on in your system. we are worried because at the end of november your counts were fine, so this is sudden. we will figure it out. we will find out whats wrong. okay?"

okay. i did well on the phone. he was so detailed. i didnt have questions. i breathed again. but i still am in panic mode. there still isnt an answer. i just dont have any answers. more bloodwork. more pokes. more worrying. more hospitals. i feel like it never ends.

last night i felt defeated. i texted my best friends. asking for prayer, talked to sissy and roo. mom and dad are better now that we have a game plan. but im sill confused. i went to bed at 10pm. if you know me you know that is literally shocking to you. but it happened. around midnight i heard mom come in, she layed in my bed and prayed for me. then just layed there. what a good mama. i fell asleep again. for 11 hours. wow. Jesus did that. He knew i needed rest!

so friends. please pray. the waiting of 7-10 days after tomorrows bloodwork is gunna be hard. i hate waiting. i told Jesus today that if he's trying to teach me patience i think i learned my lesson. haha :) but i will wait. wait for results. wait to see what is next. wait and wait. and wait for the glorious return of my Savior. that is worth waiting for.

my mind keeps going to a quote i heard a few weeks ago when i was a leader on a cvca retreat. jeremy said "impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles." i find hope in that statement. i know God can bring up my counts. i know He can, but whatever is His will is what I am praying for.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you. 

   -Psalm 33:20-22

i love you all.

blessed by a heavenly daddy,

Shelby Elyse Taylor