Thursday, May 28, 2015

she can't stand anything that she can't change

[she hates the sound that goodbye makes. she loves sundays and champagne. she can't stand the winter. she can't stand anything that she can't change. she can't change. she is whatever she wants to be. she is a little of everything. mixed up so tough in a beautiful way.] - ben rector

lately life has been full of change. mostly good change. but change.

it is something i am not good at. change. i anyone good at it? or are some people just better at accepting it?

according to merriam webster change simply means "to become different."

now of course there are different contexts the word can be used in...but i'm not really interested in talking about all of that right now.

my point is ... this chapter of my life is constantly becoming different.
and you know what?

it kind of sucks.

change can be a beautiful thing. like:: metamorphasis is truly one of the most breathtaking things in the whole world. it is truly magical that a caterpillar spins itself a little cozy chrysalis and then one day bursts out and is a colorful creature that is beautiful and gentle. and i don't think people think about it often enough. we just see butterflies. but we forget the miracle that has just taken place.

i think this often happens. we forget that change can bring beauty. i think i am struggling to grasp that truth as of late. but as always i will try my best to draw near to the ONE that never changes. my Savior. my Papa. i think if i am being totally honest with you - i'm kinda stuck in that metamorphasis stage. like i've been wound up + i'm ready to burst out of my shell but i don't know what direction i'm supposed to fly + i don't know what colors i'm going to be. i hope i know soon.

[so now i will go on a dramatic rant about all the things that have been changing in my life over the past few months:: and you my beautiful reader will either read my ramblings or click the x because you might be tired of my dramatic rants. i ask you to give me a chance though.]

spoiler alert:: there are 7. because i was born in July. the 7th month. okay thats all.

1. my small group ended. people. i LOVED my bible study this year. it was something that i accidentally ended up at one day in september when i was in a major funk and never looked back. but really. i was being a grump and my mama was in florida and called me and demanded that i stop being a grump and call one of my best friends rachel and see if i could go to her small group with her that night. turns out it was the first night ever. total God moment. i learned so much this year about who God is and the plans he has for my life. it helped that i got to learn it amongst some beautiful people. so that ended and that was a big bummer. it ended and it was change.

2. my best friend since the age of 2 got married. her name is Ana Maria. a few hours before the wedding she handed me a note that left me in tears. filled with memories of our childhood. precious words written about the deep friendship and sisterhood we have formed over the past 21 years. and i had flashbacks of moments. sweet sweet moments. you see we used to play dress up all the time. one of us would be the bride. one of us the maid. and our friend samuel the husband. actually - on more than one occasion samuel was the bride but we don't need to talk about his 5 year old confustion. hahah. those are days that i will never forget. but this wedding - on a beautiful day in May was real. and i was a real life maid and got to see my beautiful forever friend marry the love of her life. i will never forget those moments. yes marriage is a beautiful change. but i know full well that marriage changes friendships. it just does. it was such a beautiful day + something i will never forget. ana maria - i love you sister. even in the change.

3. i graduated from college! GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!!! miracles do happen my friends. if you know me well you know that school has been a real struggle my entire life. my brain doesn't understand a number when it looks at one. grammar isn't my thing. and don't even get me started on science. but i found my niche + being finished is SUCH a great feeling. i now have my BA in Child Development! Long term goal is to get my Masters in Child Life. For now i am excited to see what the Lord has planned for me next. Not sure what my next step is exactly but He definitely does so i have peace about it. but it is still change.

4. my big sister is moving HOME! and i mean home. she will be living exactly 1.3 miles away. this summer i get to watch the littles. i am eager to see how long it takes me to decide that my dream of 5 children is just that ... a dream. hahah just kidding. since i was little i wanted jordyn to move back + i am so glad that she finally is! i am eager to spend more time together + have the opportunity to watch malakai and shiloh. i don't know where the Lord is going to lead me next so i will treasure these moments. but moving guessed it...change.

5. babies. babies. babies. this spring a few of my cousins had babies. babies who were so fervently prayed for. my cousin Korrie had a baby girl named Taylor Jae. She is a beauty. My cousin Kellie had a baby boy named Milo David. He is pretty fresh and still an itty bitty. So grateful to serve a God that hears our prayers and blesses us in ways better than we could ever imagine. These babies are proof of His promises and perfect plan. beautiful living breathing change.
taylor jae 

milo david

6. in a week one of my best friends erin tesia is getting married + it is finally sinking in. i'm not sure that i'm emotionally prepared for the week that is ahead. like i said before...marriage brings just does. i am so grateful that she found Noel - her fiance. i couldn't have picked a better guy for her. he loves her well and is so very patient. i am sure that sometimes the two of us drive him a little crazy especially when we both sit on the couch and sob watching grey's anatomy. haha. [ rest in peace derek shepheard. ] but i am grateful that the Lord designed them for one another. erin - i love you sister and i can't wait to be your maid. i know you will be a breathtaking bride.

7. my big brother is moving back to California today. i realize i am often dramatic about such things. but in all honesty this one is really the biggest bummer. even on the days i am totally mad at him Seth Brooks will always remain one of my favorite people in the whole history of the world. there is just something so very special about growing up with a big brother. i definitely think the age gap helps us - props to you mama + daddy for accidentally getting pregnant with me. anyways. my best brother friend is moving away and this is a change i do not like very much at all. but hey at least i'll get to go see him in the golden state which is one of my favorite places. how bittersweet it is - this - change.

as you can see - nothing has been stable lately. the last few weeks i weep at the drop of a hat. more than normal haha. i guess i'm just learning to cope. cope with the changes at hand. i think eventually it'll get easier. 

there will always be something that is changing in this life. 

while things of this earth will be forever moving

i am so grateful that my loving Savior will always remain. 

my Papa will stay near. 

HE will NOT change. 



Blessed by a heavenly Daddy, 

Shelby Elyse