kate

i have asked many of you to pray for a precious girl named kate over the past few months. please continue to pray for her. she has brain cancer. she needs a miracle.

the past week or so i've been trying to process it all. trying to understand. i am left unable to. some days i don't even know how to pray for her anymore. and i am left with nothing but tears. we continue to plead with the Father for a miracle for this spunky little girl. join us.

in Mark 5 the story of the healing of the sick woman takes place as well as the story of Jesus raising the girl from the dead. to the sick woman Jesus said "daughter, your faith has healed you. go in peace and be freed from your suffering." He told a man on the way to raise the girl from the dead "do not be afraid. just believe." He told the girl "talitha koum" or "little girl i say to you get up." over and over again the past few weeks i have been praying that kate would be healed just as the woman was just by touching Jesus' cloak or how the girl was just by him telling her to get up. i have been praying that we will have enough faith to just believe He can perform a miracle on her and that our fears will be washed aside.

it hasn't been easy. this weekend as i was praying for her. i heard a melody for her in my head. kind of like a lullaby. i grabbed my journal and words just flowed out of me. a few minutes later i had a song. it is called kate. i hope to record it for her. i pray she can hear it one day. and her family. but for now. here are the lyrics.

Kate. 

be still my darling be still don't fear 
I will walk with you I'll always be here 
don't forget My strength or words I hath said 
I'm right here beside you beneath and inside you 
I'm Everlasting I'm near I'm near. 

don't be mistaken trials will come 
but My mighty presence is what they'll flee from 
stand strong in courage find hope in my Name 
you are a princess a strong mighty warrior
I'm the Majestic I'm King I'm King.

do not move do not move 
you stay still you stay still 
I am here I am here 
do not fear do not fear 
you be brave you be brave 
I will heal I will heal

mountains may fall down as strong ocean roar 
but STRONG is My fortress and I am your Lord
there's pain in the sunset so find joy in the rise 
I won't let you fall down I'll pull you to my ground
trust me dear Kate I'm yours I'm yours

do not move do not move 
you stay still you stay still 
I am here I am here 
do not fear do not fear 
you be brave you be brave 
I will heal I will heal 

be still my darling. be still don't fear 

- shelby elyse taylor 

(inspired by Isaiah 40:28. Psalm 8. 2 Timothy 4:17.  Habakkuk 3. Proverbs 18:10. Psalm 18:2. Isaiah 41:10. Psalm 30:5. John 16:33. Psalm 71:14. Joshua 1:9. Mark 5. Psalm 46:2. Esther and Ruth.)

thank you for praying for precious kate alongside us. 

i love you all. 

Blessed by a heavenly Daddy, 

Shelby Elyse 

"it's been quite the ride. you are one precious little lady"

"it is time" - rafiki to simba in the lion king.

this is a story about a guy with silver hair and glasses.

a little less than two months ago i was sitting in the kitchen with my best friend since kindergarten. her name is elly. i have spoke of her often here. she has walked with me through everything. sat by my side in the hospital. prayed me through the toughest days. showed up with ice cream on days when my heart just hurt and so much more. they say every brunette needs a blonde best friend and i am so thankful to have found mine.

anyways. we were just hanging out and i decided to go get the mail. as i flipped through the envelopes one caught my eye and immediately my heart sunk. i knew exactly who it was from. and i knew exactly what it held inside. i opened it up & as i began to read the words outloud to her tears filled my eyes. i don't know how i got through the letter without having a full on meltdown. elly just sat and listened. not once asking why i was reading it outloud or why it was a big deal. because she knew.

the words that were written on the piece of paper were from someone else that has walked with me through everything. someone else i am incredibly thankful for. but in so many different ways. his name is Dr. Johnson. or "Dr. J" as we often refer to him in the taylor house. if you don't know that we give just about everyone nicknames you just haven't been around us long enough. his opening remarks were beautifully written.

he wrote that in the lion king rafiki tells simba that "it is time" & that now "it is time" for him to retire from pediatric medicine.

[ i know what you must be thinking...you still see a pediatrician?
yes people. if you saw my chart you'd understand...and also if you knew him you'd understand even more. he is literally one in a million. i've never met a doctor like him. ]

as i read the first lines i knew exactly what the rest of the letter would hold. my first instinct had been right. he was saying goodbye. letting me know that he'd be retiring and i'd need to find a new doctor. as i read memories flooded my mind as tears flooded my eyes. because the guy who cared for me my whole life and walked with us through unimaginable circumstances wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

i called mama and daddy to let them know. she promised we'd write letters and go say a proper goodbye. i couldn't wrap my mind around it.

i still haven't.

that night i went to church with two of my best friends since kindergarten (Elly and Erin) & then my best friend since i was 2 Ana got engaged. as you can imagine by the end of the night i was a mess. i layed in bed that night & cried. i was beyond overwhelmed.

i've never been one thats good with change.

i'm a total free spirit. i think it scares mom and dad. i don't want to do what everyone else is doing. as i look into my closet i literally can't find a plain white shirt. everything has a pattern. my room is bold and full of prints. nothing is plain in my life. i like doing things my way. and i usually learn lessons the hard way.

but i hate change. i don't like when people move away. i don't like when friendships end. i love weddings but i hate them at the same time because i know that as soon as those two are married my friendship with that person will change. it always has. some have ended. i hate change. i don't like when plans change. i don't like when people change. i just hate it.

[ i imagine i wouldn't have been a very good mary. an angel coming down and saying i was pregnant. i would have been like "no thanks. i'm good. i rather not." i also probably would have fainted. i do that too. mary was probably freaking out. but she asked questions in a calm manner. i would have been like "WHAT IN THE WORLD. I'M PREGNANT!? BUT I DIDN'T. BUT YOU HAVE THE WRONG GIRL. NOPE. I WON'T DO IT. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A KID RIGHT NOW!" but mary - she dealt with it. she handled the change well. ]

and this...this letter i was reading...it was change.

it was goodbye.

i hate those.

also:: i promise this is not a eulogy. i just have to write to process things you guys.

[ let me tell you a little bit about the guy i'm writing about. dr. j as we call him. my family has known him for almost 34 years. so way before i was born. or as mom and dad say - before i was a glimmer in their eye. but i've known him for 23 years. because. well. thats how long i've been alive.]

i have many great memories with him. and many not so great. he was there through the good and the bad.

i'm really good at making lists and putting things into categories. i wish there was a job for that. anyways. i've been trying to come up with some method to tell you all my favorite things about him and some of my favorite memories. but i couldn't. so i just am going to write.

disclaimer:: i ended up with 23 things. you know for 23 years. i told you. i love lists.

[ please keep reading...]


1. i think one of my first memories of him was about 19 years ago. i was getting shots before preschool. of couse i wasn't too excited about that. well...he drew my face on my band-aid complete with curly hair and glasses. just to cheer me up. i know. it sounds silly. but hey i'm 23 and still remember it like it was yesterday.

2. there were many times when i would sit in his office with mama or dad and he would just ramble on. about where he went on vacation or this time 15 years ago where he did this awesome thing. he always had a story. i think he talked so i could keep my mind off of what was actually going on.

3. once when i was on steroids after my brain surgery he told me that i should stop eating so many bagels. hahaha. no really. thankfully i took no offense.

4. i remember when i was 5 i got the stomach flu really bad. i have some weird memory of having on candy cane pajamas and mmama told me i had to change so we could go to the emergency room and i sobbed. but the guy with silver hair met as at the emergency room. i think. mama - if i'm wrong on this i'm sorry. but i remember him being there. or coming to visit during that hospital stay

5. he was always asking me if i shrunk. especially while i was on growth hormones. he knew it agitated me.

6. last summer i asked him when he was going to kick me out...because i was a 23 year old going to a pediatrician...he told me that when he left i left...i never imagined that day would be less than 6 months later.

7. i went to him the day before i was diagnosed with my brain tumor. mom knew something wasn't right. i think he did too. he did a physical on me. checked my blood pressure. said i might have had a food allergy. but i think he knew something much worse was wrong because he scheduled me a cat scan.

8. his office used to have these notes on the blinds that said "don't touch the blinds" so of course i always touched them. and then because i felt guilty i'd always tell him. and i would say "if it didn't say don't touch i would have never wanted to" one day i walked in and the notes were gone. shelby - 1 ... blinds - 0.

9. his handwriting was so awful. by awful i mean the worst ever. in the history of the world. i have no idea how anyone ever read it. but his signature was perfect.

10. his middle name is lane. [ if this confuses you. you don't know me well. i am obsessed with people having great middle names. ]

11. he was my doctor for 23 years. and we traveled together to 3 different offices. and 3 is my favorite number so this seemed fitting.

12. every time i told him i wanted to write a book or that i blogged he'd say "but the real question is...are you a good writer?" ... yes dr. j. and then he'd say "how can you be sure?"

13. he once told me "you could get an award for the amount of times you've had strep throat and the fact that you still don't need your tonsils out."

14. often when he'd walk into the room he'd say "you missed me too much huh?"

15. i remember his voice very vividly on the phone with mama the day i found out i had a brain tumor. "theres too much fluid on her brain. the cat scan can't see much else. we're gunna do a MRI" - breaking hearts.

16. there were many times i would have to pee in a cup. well i would tell him every single time "dr. johnson i can't just pee on demand." last year i went to him and the nurse brought in a cup so i could go pee and he said "she can't pee on demand" it was SO FUNNY. and so true.

17. after my brain surgery he showed up to the hospital with a picture of a squirrel. he told me he took it himself. that picture is framed in my room.

18. when i turned 18 i asked him if i had to find a new doctor. he said "if you won't tell...neither will i." so i didn't. and now i'm 23 and have to find a new one.

19. the last day i saw him he apologized for not being in the waiting room during my brain surgery. i said it was alright and i didn't even know. he told me he was on vacation during it. i laughed.

20. he would tell me he liked my triangle glasses. i'd tell him "they are diamonds!" and he would just laugh

21. he recently told me "when you get your new doctor tell them you are going to be the easiest patient ever and that you have a short history and have never been complicated...and then we'll send over this!" - as he held up my chart that probably weighs 10 pounds and said "they will love that."

22. he never made me feel like i was different or weird or like me being chronically sick was a big deal. there were many days spent in his waiting room and office instead of at school. but he never made it seem like a big deal. i think that helped me a lot. because it was never easy. but he just made it feel normal. always talked to mom and dad like they were old friends. always asked about school and my friends and jordyn and seth. he always took my mind off the reality at hand. and never made anything more of a deal then it needed to be. he'd tell me what was wrong. tell me how many days of school i had to miss. give me medicine or decide to hold off that time and send me on my way. we never dwelled on the fact that it may have been the 4th time that month i was there or the fact that i was back two days later with more symptoms and a spiked temperature. what was - was. we tackled what we were dealt. he was very good at that.

and my favorite moment.

23. the last day i saw him was a chilly december day. i went in not feeling well. and came out with a prescription because i had bronchitis, laryngitis and a sinus infection. he told me i was "going out with a bang" ... then he stood up and hugged me goodbye.
and said "it's been quite the ride...you are one precious little lady."

i cried most of the way home.

thankful that he took such good care of me for my whole life so far.

i'll miss him.

i can't wait to invite him to my wedding one day.

[ if you read all of this - i love you. ]

Blessed by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse

[behold HE makes all things new.]

it has been one crazy year! and since 2015 is here now i figured it was time to write about 2014.

last year i wrote about the 13 things i learned in 2013. it turned into a mini novel by the end. because i learned a whole bunch.

and this year i learned so much more than i could ever tell you about in one blog post. i learned a lot about myself and what the Lord has in store for me. and i'm still learning. i am thankful for beautiful people who are helping me. it has been a year of learning. but

this year i decided to write about my 14 favorite days of 2014.

1 from each month and then two extra. because sometimes life is just so beautiful that one day out of the month isn't enough. and i needed 14. because who in their right mind would write about their 12 favorite things of 2014!?

[ not i quacked the noisy yellow duck. ] - the little red hen.

okay...leggggoooo.

january - on the 29th my big brother moved back to Ohio. if you know me well you know that this may have been my favorite day of the whole year. i missed him every day he was in california. he decided to take his talents to the university of toledo and come back to the land of ice and snow! it shouldn't come as a suprise to anyone that i am beyond excited to have him back around. i got to see him so much this year and each time was a total blast! Sethy Roo - i am so proud of you. the Lord has amazing things planned for you.

february - on the 20th i sat in our music room wrapped in a blanket with a cup of coffee by my side and read one of the most beautiful stories in the world. it was called the fault in our stars. and it opened the door for a whole obsession. i read the book twice and saw the movie 5 times in theatres. many times since it came to dvd. and got the dvd for christmas. confession:: i'm obsessed because well...i'm crazy. it was heartbreakingly beautiful. i read through tears as the story unfolded, and laughter ensued in so many spots. i was absolutely captivated by the young love in this story. hazel grace  inspired me to be a better person & augustus waters was the boy every girl dreams of. i still sit wishing these fictional ones were real so i could be friends with them. jon green created a beautiful story. 

march - on the 20th i hopped on a plane and landed in texas to visit one of my best friends chelsea. she moved there in highschool and has always come up here but i have never had the opportunity to go visit her until now. on the way there i had a layover in detroit. and so did seth. it was crazy! he called and asked where my gate was & his was the one right next to mine. of course i caused a scene in the airport because i was so excited & we took a few selfies. 

once i landed in texas i had the best week ever with chels. I am so thankful for her. laughter, sunshine, catching up & lots of delicious food filled our days. we also took a bunch of naps & climbed on top of a building because...YOLO.

april - on the 6th. i celebrated one of my best sister friends and her growing belly. in other words...i went to a baby shower for chelsea kim! and also got the chance to decorate for it with the fam. her baby boy was so prayed for and the day was full of laughter and tears. chelsea is one of my favorite people in the whole world and has always been an incredible mentor and friend and sister to me. fun fact:: when i was little my life dream was to be as tall as her one day.

may - on may 23rd the pediatric brain tumor foundation featured my story. may is pediatric brain tumor month and something that is very near and dear to my heart! this is the story they ran::

[ Meet today's Starlight, Shelby Elyse: Shelby Elyse Taylor plans to become a child life specialist. After all, she says, child life specialists helped her get through her brain tumor diagnosis in 2005. “They are my favorite people and I wanted to become one of them,” says the college student. Doctors diagnosed Shelby Elyse with an oligodendroglioma when she was 13. She says the diagnosis shocked her and she worried people would view her differently. But support from family and friends poured in. Her classmates sent daily get-well cards that lifted her spirits. “Diagnosis isn’t the end,” Shelby Elyse says. “You need to fight for yourself.” And she did just that. Nine years after her brain surgery, Shelby Elyse is 22 and her tumor is stable. She says she feels great, but does encounter migraines and becomes anxious before routine MRI scans. “My prayer is that one day there’s a cure,” she 
says. ]

that day was beautiful for me. i pray that someone was impacted by my story that day. or that someone felt comfort in their situation because they read about mine. this was a day of celebrating the Lord's faithfulness to us. and a reminder that even in the midst of this hard journey that we are all on He is still good. last march i celebrated 9 years since my brain surgery. i have always pictured this journey to get easier as the years passed by but it just hasn't. i am sure those of you who have read this know my heart well by now and already know this. i pray for the day it gets easier. i pray that one day this tumor of mine will just disappear. but if that isn't the plan i pray that my story changes lives. because as i know full well the Lord works all things for good. 

june - on the 1st mama t was my date to the lady antebellum concert at blossom and we had the BEST time. june was full of weddings and friendship dates and friends coming home. it was beautiful from start to finish. it ended at sunset beach which as you know is my favorite place in the world. but the first of this month was my favorite day. we sang and we danced and we ate overpriced french fries and drank overpriced angry orchard. because we are young and wild and free. love love love lady a. and mama.

july - OH MY LAMB JULY IS MY FAVORITE MONTH. and lambs are my favorite animal. anyways. this month. oh it was so beautiful. surprises and best friends filled my days. the sun was always shining and i was always smiling. july never disappoints. okay you guys. i'm gunna cheat and use my two bonus favorite days on july. BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING:: IT IS HARD TO NARROW IT DOWN TO 3 FAVORITE DAYS IN YOUR FAVORITE MONTH OF THE WHOLE YEAR. and guess what else...this is my blog so even if i wanted to talk about every day in july i could. but i will just do three because i promised 14 favorite days. and you my sweet readers will get 14 favorite days. 

 1. so on the 11th Lebron came home. i told everyone for the weeks leading up to that decision that all i wanted for my 23rd birthday (which is july 18th by the way in case any of you are feeling led to send me birthday gifts next year.) was for #23 to come HOME. and LBJ made my wish come true. i had dreamed of seeing him somehow or pulling into swensons and seeing him in the car next to me. none of those happened. but he came home. so happy 23 to me! 

 2. on the 15th. my best friend erin pulled off an epic birthday surprise. there were screams and tears and a car ride full of questions. she picked me up. and drove me all the way to columbus. i had no idea where we were going or why. about 10 minutes into the trip she gave me a bag of organic cheetos. because she knows my heart and that organic cheetos are my favorite junk food. then she hands me an envelope: in it is a letter from one of my best friends Chad. he lives in south carolina. immediately i got teary eyed and called him. the rest of the trip i opened up 21 other envelopes. all with letters from people who i love dearly. it was beautiful. then we stopped for dinner. and then all of a sudden she parked the car on this random street in columbus. when i stepped out she handed me the last note. a letter from none other then my forever crush and favorite singer and singer parter TYLER HILTON. i about died. i mean not really. but you know what i mean. the concert was a blast. we talked to him after. took polaroid pictures and much more. oh my heart was SO FULL that day. t-hilton i love you! also...that day we met tony luca and drummer boy ryan. they were kinda cool also as well. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY! and i have amazing friends.

 3. on the 25th. a dream came true. I WENT TO SEE JAMES TAYLOR IN CONCERT. mama t daddy and my best friend erin were my dates. it was my birthday present. if you know me well you know I LOVE JAMES. i occasionally refer to him as uncle james. because we have the same last name you know. and that is a wonderful thing. anyways. the whole day was surreal. we had a lovely dinner before and then headed over to blossom music center for a night filled with music and memories. ever since i was a little girl my dad and i would dance around the house to copperline by james taylor. it became our song. and it was such a special moment to dance with him listening to jt live. 

august - august ended with my heart totally broken. as precious kate was diagnosed with brain cancer for the third time. please continue to pray for her. i would take her place in an instant if i could. we continue to believe for a miracle. join us. 

but august also held so much joy. days spent with family and friends. my precious grandma taylor turned 87. my niece turned 1. and my best friend since i was two ana took me on a shopping adventure ending with my beautiful friends at another birthday dinner for me. oh my heart was so so full. my birthday celebrations lasted like a month. 

but my favorite day in august was the 23rd. 

on that day we got to celebrate my daddy. wow. what a beautiful day it was for our family. we got to celebrate dad's 30 years of service at cvca with everyone who loves him. it was beyond overwhelming to watch person after person stand up and talk about how he has impacted them and how he is a true reflection of a Godly man leader friend husband and father. i spoke and sobbed most of the way through. and quoted what about bob of course. dad:: i love you very much. i think your special. and i'm very proud of you. 

september - in september i don't think i had a favorite day. but i had a favorite decision. i  decided to join a small group. it was a total God thing -- everything always is. one september day i texted one of my best friends rachel & asked her if i could go to bible study with her that night. she told me it was the first night. well. i went and loved it. and i've gone back every time. except once when i was basically dying. well not actually. sorry. drama. all the time. but anyways. i've made some wonderful friends there. thank you Jesus for that! my small group is actually not small. it is like 50 people or more sometimes. but whatever. i still love them. i can't wait for small group to start again!!!

october - october was pretty non eventful. i mean other then the fact that we found out my heart changed...but i already told you all about that...and if you wanna read about it just scroll down and find the post called "and then her heart changed...or at least she understood it." that was not my favorite day at all. i did have good days though! we celebrated 4 years of my tumor being stable. thank you Jesus! but perhaps one of my favorite days was our annual friendship day to amishland. yes i know you all call it amish country. but we call it amishland. deal with it people. 

november - november was also a beautiful month filled with joy. one of my best friends ana got engaged. dad and malakai and my cousin kellie had birthdays. and so much more. but my favorite day in november was thanksgiving. every family member on my dad's side was there except my brother and my cousin cortney's husband nic. we celebrated my cousin Korrie being over 30 weeks pregnant with her baby girl. a baby who was so prayed for. then we found out my cousin Kellie is pregnant with a little boy. another baby who we prayed for even before we knew he existed. as you can imagine tears and laughter filled our day. artwork by:: the bravest little dude i ever met. ian franklin.  i bet everyday in heaven is thanksgiving & i am so jealous

december - the 16th was my favorite day. i had my bi-annual MRI & the news was wonderful. the day still held tears. it always does. it never gets easier. but. He promises Joy! i am one very joyful little lady! mr. brain tumor is still stable & i get to wait 9 months to go back. we were praying for a year but God's timing is the best timing! we are beyond thankful. thank you to all of you who have walked this journey alongside us. and prayed us through the hard days. you make this crazy adventure i'm living more beautiful. i couldn't think of a better way to end the year. 

well. thats all i got. happy 2015 people.

i love you all.

BLESSED by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse