Wednesday, December 10, 2014

YOU make me BRAVE.

[ i will let You draw me out beyond the shore into your grace. as Your love in wave after wave crashes over me. crashes over me. for You are for us. You are not against. champion of heaven You made a way for all to enter in. You make me BRAVE. You make me BRAVE. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves. You make me BRAVE. You make me BRAVE. no fear can hinder now the promises You made. ] - amanda cook

my biannual MRI is next tuesday. you know. the one where we check on mr. brain tumor and make sure he's just chillin and not causing any issues beyond the migraines. i've been a weepy and grumpy mess for about a week now. i apologize to anyone who has to be around me before tuesday. haha i'm just not myself. it happens every time. this will never get easy. it never should. because this isn't normal. there should not be a tumor in my brain. but there is. our prayer this time is that i can go back to yearly scans. my tumor remains stable and last time he got a new name. i'm trying to put on a brave face and have confidence that everything is fine. but i also have to be realistic with myself. thankfully if everything isn't fine the Lord is still very good and very faithful. So i trust in Him no matter what. He makes me BRAVE.

a few days ago i was driving home under a setting sun. i was talking to God about my life. during these times i usually find myself telling him things and going "but you already know thats going on" and laughing at myself. but this was different. this was me saying "you know whats happening next but i don't yet and i hate it. i wish i could just have a glimpse." i am sure many of you have had these thoughts before. anyways. i decided to turn on my favorite Christian radio station Air1. [ if you don't listen to air1 you should. it is amazing music. lots of worship songs. and no weird commercials about windows and things. JUST SAYIN. ] anyways. one of my favorite songs by Brit Nicole was wrapping up and i was like "aww man i really would like to sing that right now" and then...

something new and pure began coming through my speakers. a song i had never heard but one that quickly caught my attention. the entire song was beautiful. but it was the bridge of the song that brought me to tears. it was simple [ You make me BRAVE. You make me BRAVE. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves. ] as i drove through misty eyes i just let the words sink in.

it was called You make me BRAVE. bethel music was the noted artist. when i got home i found it on itunes and began to listen over and over again. i googled the lyrics and found a video of the girl who wrote it explaining why she did. it was one of those moments when you go "hey God so i know you revealed that to her but i feel like she wrote it for me" and He is like "she did...well actually i me...stop being so afraid."


i have listened all week. it is just so good. and so i decided to write about it. if you are surprised you don't know me well.

the english nerd within me looked up merriam-webster's definitions of brave::
 - having or showing courage
 - showing no fear

well. i don't quite live up to those standards yet. but i'm trying...or rather choosing.

i'm choosing to be brave. next tuesday. and in the days to come. it isn't easy. in fact some days it seems impossible. but the Lord knows my heart and He knows my days. so i really have nothing to fear. I will put my trust in Him and let Him make me BRAVE.

one of my favorite lines in the whole song says "you call me out beyond the shore into the waves." i feel like this couldn't be truer of my life. like i said before. this isn't normal. its uncomfortable. and an awkward subject. and sometimes if i think about it too long its absolutely terrifying that there is something inside my brain that has the ability to kill me. but God has called us to be uncomfortable. it is so easy to stand at the shore line. but when you enter into the waves and go through the hard times He is there to rescue. and that is a beautiful thought.

also...just to give you a laugh. i cried during a folgers coffee commercial yesterday and today as i watched one of my favorite shows a guy shaved his head and went into brain surgery and i sat in the living room and sobbed. #MYCRAZYISSHOWING guys. thank you for reading. and thank you for accepting these little glimpses into my heart. i hope i never come across as attention seeking or annoying. it is just that i am so thankful. and i truly believe the prayers i have received over the last 23 years have kept me alive.

well...thats all my brain has in it right now...well except my tumor...okay sorry bad joke wednesday. but really. time to go watch "i'll be home for christmas" ... you know the 1998 disney movie with the heartthrob total dream boat jonathan taylor thomas in it? yes. it's on netflix. and i'm gunna go watch it. you should too.

i love you all and i am so blessed by your sweet prayers as i walk this journey called life.

BLESSED by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse

P.S. link to song below. listen. with tissues.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

"my dad is roger taylor...he's the president."

OKAY BEFORE YOU the comments i need you to comment where you are in the world. my blog has been getting lots of traffic lately...and i really want to know where everyone is...and make sure my mom isn't clicking on it a thousand times to make me feel like i'm awesome or something.


my whole life people have stopped look i know you?

my response is always the same. "i look just like my dad. my dad is the president of cvca. dr. roger taylor." and then their faces light up "YES that is it...I LOVE RT!" it never fails. everyone loves him. and i am so so blessed.

my dad turns 60 on saturday. as i type that i can't believe it. oh my lamb he means more to me than many people will ever know. i love him so.

in september we had the amazing opportunity to throw him a giant surprise party for his 30 years at cvca. the day was beyond overwhelming. i decided to share the speech here i gave at that maybe give you a little insight into just how amazing he is.

you are lucky people...on here you wont experience the dramatic bursts of tears or me shouting in the middle of my speech "i'm gunna need some water." YES. i tell the truth. never a dull moment with me around. oh and i should wasn't just me in tears. the whole place was in tears. Jordyn had to remind everyone that we werent giving eulogies.

here it goes.


There are so many things about you that I love. I really am not sure where to begin. From the moment I was born 23 years ago you have loved me unconditionally. You have been a prayer warrior, a best friend, a dad, a backyard baseball coach, a listener, a great example, and one of my hero’s. You have had the best qualities that Jordyn, Seth and I could ask for in a dad, and It didn’t take me long to realize that you have been this for many other people as well. Also, the three of us turned out pretty great…so I think you did the job!

Today marks 30 years of you being at “the academy” I am so thankful that the Lord called you to CVCA, and you have stayed here all these years. Dad, honestly, CVCA is my other family. This school, which was built upon Godly standards, and these people inside, helped shape me from the moment I was born and everyone there was praying for me. I do not know what life would be like if I hadn’t had the opportunity to come here. The people here have so elegantly represented what a Christian community looks like, and I had the incredible opportunity to literally grow up here, and watch some of these people become like family. Also, if you had never come here, you wouldn’t have ever been “RT.”

So I came up with 30 things in honor of 30 years. 15 of my favorite qualities about you, and 15 things that I love about you, that you have taught me, a favorite memory or two, and I may have added a few one liners from our favorite movie to keep you laughing, and to keep me from crying. And don’t worry people…I’ll talk as fast as I can. And mama t – don’t cut me off. I know you are the first lady, but as the first daughter I think I can exceed the time limit by a minute.

15 words that describe you
Emotional – in all the best ways of course
Prayer Warrior

15 random things.

Thank you for loving mom so beautifully. I heard once that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother well, and you have done just that.

Thank you for reading your bible every day, praying on your walks and continuously strengthening your relationship with the Lord. It has been an amazing example to me, as well as many others.

Thank you for teaching me that there is no greater singer in all the world than James Taylor, and thank you for dancing with me down on “copperline”

Let us not forget the inevitable board meeting night phone call…”hey dad, could you get me Wendy’s, I’m starving.”

Thank you for giving me your brown eyes. I love being your brown-eyed girl, and I forgive you for telling me you wrote the song and let Van Morrison record it.
Sunset Beach---It’s a “tradition unlike any other” and a  “vacation from our problems!”

Thank you for never giving up on me. And never letting me give up on myself. I can’t even count the times I said “dad I’m quitting…” to which you replied “have you ever quit anything before…we’re Taylor’s…we don’t quit.” “I don’t care I’m quitting.” …. and the next morning i would walk into the kitchen. “Alright FINE I wont quit.” and you always give me the roger affirmation let me know i made the right decision.
Thank you for teaching that one spring day me that despite my best guess, there is a eagle and a birdie...but a hole in one in golf is not a “chick” 

Let us remember nights spent in the piano room with history books on the floor, ending with me in tears and mom having to say “she’s not getting her doctorate in this rog...she’s in the 8th grade.”
"but what about bob!?" "dr. marvin? Dr. leo marvin? Oohhh the fam!” “you can call me RT in  my office…but in my home I’d like you to call me Dr. Taylor.” “Good Morning America’s Here!” 

Thank you for raising Jordyn and Seth the way you did…I could not have asked for better siblings.

Thank you for teaching me to clean my glasses off using clean underwear…and I’m sorry I told my kindergarten teacher…and I’m sorry I just told everyone here!

Thank you for showing me what a true Christian man, husband, father, son and brother looks like. You serve the Lord so well. I know it hasn’t always been easy, but you have always followed exactly what the Lord has asked of you. You are courageous, faithful, strong, and joyful in your walk with the Lord, and as a daughter I think that is the best thing in the whole world to watch.

Thank you for loving me so well through every obstacle. You have been such a rock for me dad. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but you have put your game face on and walked with me through the unimaginable. I know my spunk and sass can be overwhelming sometimes, and I know I’m a total drama queen, but you have handled everything so well. Thank you also for always believing in me. I know I dream big and I’m a free spirit, and I know sometimes it scares you. But, not once have you ever told me that I couldn’t do something…even if it meant I had to learn the hard way. You are amazing dad. You are one in a million, and you mean more to me than you will ever know.

I love you very much, I think you are special and I am very proud of you!


Shelby Elyse ... aka ... Weezer ... aka ... Trooper 

Well thanks for reading a little bit about my dad. he is pretty neat. 

Blessed by a heavenly Daddy, 

Shelby Elyse 

Friday, October 31, 2014

"and then her heart changed...or at least she understood it." - j.r.r. tolkien

hello people:: welcome.

it's currently the middle of the night on october 31st. my parents are in florida and upstairs sleeps two of my greatest friends. but my mind runs wild and so i decided to do what i always do when i need to process things:: i write.

for those of you who are new to reading this blog of mine you should know a few things.
i hate capitalization and punctuation. i don't know where commas belong and i really have no proper grammatical skills at all. i missed that chunk of 7th grade and literally never recovered. but keep reading. because i promise what i have to say still is great without being grammatically correct. just call me the e.e. cummings of 2014.
hey. if i ever become a famous rapper i'm gunna put that in one of my beats.

pshhh boom psshhh boom. they call me tiny taylor. shout out to all my haters. i don't know where commas go. my mama said its cause i'm so...crazy and can't focus. i tried to learn it once. but that attempt was bogus. i try to keep my lyrics clean. but sometimes they get away from me. i'll keep my grammar simple so...just call me...the e.e. cummings of 2014. pshhh boom psshhh boom pshhh.

hope you liked that. yes. i know i'm ridiculous. thats okay. also. i rap better than that i promise. i can rap superbass like no bodys business. and if it wasn't the middle of the night i'd probably have just written a rap that would make eminem want to pay me to use it. ok maybe a little bit dramatic. or a lot. okay moving on.

october is coming to a close. and i haven't written in a while.
well. thats not entirely true. i've been writing. just not here.
but today i decided to sit and write here.

also my last post...well it was just such a downer and im sorry about that...but this life isn't always full of sunshine. i'm not perfect and i can't pretend that every day is great. and i never want to come across as anything but pure and honest so i felt like i needed to give you a glimpse into one of those stormy days. you know the ones where i just have to be honest and tell you that it sucks to live with tumor in your brain. and it's freaking scary. so if you didn't read that feel free. or don't. i'm not sure. mama keeps reminding me that it was really sad....enter...this new post to bring a little sunshine back! i mean i still gotta keep it real but this one should be happy!

first of all. happy harvest! or happy fall! or happy autumn! whatever floats your boat. but i'm all about a good alliteration so harvest seemed like the best word choice.

second of all. i've been rather quiet up in here...

so i figured i'd catch you up on my life::

this fall has been filled with some pretty great memories. i'll try to give you a short version. but as you know very well i do nothing simply.


::august went like this:: 

my niece turned one. my bestie erin officially became a nurse. robin williams passed away and the world was devastated that such a hilarious and beautifully talented man couldn't see how amazing he was and was unable to be happy here on earth. my grandma taylor turned 87 and she is still the cutest ever. i spent a day at the zoo with malakai, shiloh and mama. my bestie erin turned 22. america did the ice water bucket challenge for ALS and over $100 million dollars. our family got to celebrate my dad being at cvca for 30 years and it was one of the most special nights of my whole life. S/O TO RT. my beautiful cousin kellie celebrated 10 years cancer free.

and august ended with my heart in a million pieces as precious kate was diagnosed with brain cancer for the third time. i hate brain tumors.

::september went like this::

kate had brain surgery. i spent a wonderful day with my niece and nephew. surge came back-as in the pop-as in the pop that made my brothers crazy friend cole climb up trees and down into sewers when they were little-as in it shouldn't have come back. red band society premiered-a show my heart just resonates with. we continued to pray for kate and plead with God for a miracle for her. ian's birthday came-he would have been 15-i ate rocknes that day for him. i celebrated my forever crush on graham bunn by instagramming him. BUT REALLY. I WISH I COULD MAN CRUSH MONDAY INSTAGRAM GRAHAM EVERY MONDAY. HE IS A FREAKING DREAM BOAT. i got a new iPhone. my beautiful friend corrie turned 23. i met baby calvin-my friend and sister chelsea's little boy-he lives in california-i miss him-and his mama.

and september ended with my heart extremely full. my best friend of 21 years ana turned 23 and we had the best dinner celebration together-i love her so-we have been through so much craziness in this life together and i am so thankful for her-i know we will be friends for life.

::october went like this::

my friend/seth's girlfriend bryna's dad was diagnosed with cancer-please be praying for their family. kate started chemo. i walked out of cvs one day and got into the wrong toyota camry and it was really embarassing because the real owner saw the whole thing. THIS IS REAL LIFE. I'M TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. a woman became famous overnight for deciding she would die with dignity and my heart broke for her because i wish so badly that she didn't think that was the only way-i wish she knew Jesus and knew that His days for her are so much greater than anything she could ever imagine and i wish she wouldn't cut those short. my brothers from other mothers celebrated birthdays-angelo and keith are so special to me. kate got to go home from the hospital and we continue to pray for healing. i went to amishland with the gang and we had the best time. i went on small group trip. i celebrated 4 years of my brain tumor being stable and God's faithfulness throughout my whole journey. PRAISE HIM! kate began her second round of chemo and we continue to pray for a miracle.

and october ended with my heart changing. in the most literal way. something you may not know:: i have a congenital heart defect known as pulmonary valve stenosis. we've monitored it my whole life. appointments every year, then two years and when i turned 18 they let me know i could switch to 5 year gaps between appointments. and today i went and found out maybe that wasn't the right decision. i met with a new doctor. one for adults with childhood heart disease and defects. he was really smart. and he's nationally known as a great cardiologist. i googled him. YES. I KNOW. I'M CRAZY. I GOOGLE PHYSICIANS TO MAKE SURE THEY MEET MY EXPECTATIONS. his words were "you are okay. but there was a change. don't panic. this isn't an emergency. but we need to monitor more closely again. we will go back to appointments every other year to see if this change is going to become a pattern." my best friend elly was a trooper and came with me to the appointment but ended up having to leave early. so when i heard this i was alone. i didn't cry shockingly. i think i just kept saying "don't panic...not an emergency...come back in 2016 instead of 2020" somehow that helped.

i called mom and dad to tell them. i was fine. i got chick fil a. went home. took a nap. and when i woke up it hit me like a truckload of bricks. and not completely in the way you may think. lets be real for a second: i obviously went into the appointment thinking everything was going to be awesome and there would be no issues and they would say okay see you in five years. but that isn't what happened. so i first had to deal with that.

there was change and there was nothing i could do about it. and then the tears came.

second i just again realized...this world is not my home. i can plan all i want...but it won't get me anywhere. the Lord's plans for my life are so much greater than anything i could ever fathom. i would rather these bumps in the road disappear but that isn't how life works. i have often prayed for complete healing of my whole body. and i know others have as well...and it might happen...but if it doesn't i have to be okay with that.

i have recently been reflecting on the idea of "...and if not HE is still good." it comes from the story of shadrach, meshach, and abednego in daniel 3. they knew that the Lord could deliver them from the fiery furnace, but they also knew that if He didn't he was still a great God. i think this is one of my favorite stories in the bible. because i relate to it so well. YOU GUYS! GOD DELIVERED THEM FROM A FURNACE! IT'S ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! i know with all my heart, soul and mind that the Lord could deliver me from this fiery furnace [also known as a brain tumor, genetic disorder and immune system that just downright sucks] but if He doesn't choose to do so i also know with all my heart, soul and mind that He is still such a faithful God.

if the Lord chooses to heal me one day of all of this, i pray that i can use the stories to bring glory to no one but Him. and if He doesn't i pray i can use these stories i am currently living in to do the same thing. because our God is a God who brings healing you guys. even if it isn't physical. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT!

i love you guys and i am so thankful that you read my ramblings...

i'm going to try to start blogging more.

BLESSED by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse

Monday, September 15, 2014

the sky is falling...said chicken little

disclaimer:: this is not a happy post. this is real life.

it's september now.

this month brings many feelings for me.

some days the dramatic green day lyrics resonate with me "wake me up when september ends."

and some days its the line in a taylor swift ballad that millions fell in love with "september saw a month of tears and thankin God that you weren't see my like that."

but for some reason...this september...a favorite children's story is brought to mind...but not in the way you may think...not in the way like the boy who cried wolf...i just feel most days like...

the sky is falling.

chicken little said that.

i have mentioned a few times this summer that the past months have been hard for me. i don't wish to give details as to why. actually i do wish to. but some smart people and my gut tell me that sometimes its best to learn when to keep things to yourself. and for now these are things i will. i'll probably tell you one day. probably in my book.

all that to far september is no different. it has just been hard. i have been having trouble sleeping again. which mom would attribute to me taking too many naps. but thats not it. i just feel uneasy. and i do not like it.

no one wants to feel this way.

this september. well. i just feel like i've been asking WHY a lot.

there are so many things i just don't understand.

WHY did our little friend Ian only get 7 birthdays? WHY did brain cancer choose him? and WHY did he have to go? the handsome boy with big blue eyes would be 15 at the end of the month. oh how i wish he could be turning 15 on this earth. i wish we could sit side by side and share rocknes fries and i could just hear his laugh again. i imagine his voice would be much deeper, and his laugh as well. or maybe his voice would be changing still and there would be glimpses of his child like laugh. but this wont happen. and it makes me sad. it shouldn't be this way. i am so thankful that he gets to be with Jesus in Heaven. i know there is no greater place. but some days. especially days in September. i just miss the little man.

WHY does precious Kate have brain cancer again? WHY can't her body fight off the cancer cells? WHY does this beautiful little one have to deal with such a burden? she is only 10. i can't wrap my mind around it you guys. i just don't understand. i have never met her personally but her story i have followed since her diagnosis in 2009. i feel like i know her. i think there is something that bonds every kid who has a brain tumor. your hearts all ache together and you all don't understand. even when you are 23 and your tumor is stable its still terrifying. please continue to pray for precious Kate. brain cancer has picked her as victim for the third time, treatments options are few and we are asking Jesus to go before the Father on Kate's behalf so that she may be healed. Please also pray that the teams at MD Anderson and St Jude will be able to come up with a treatment plan for Kate. Oh how i pray for her to be healed.

the past few days i've had a headache. not a migraine. just a headache. the kind that scares me. i try to explain it to people but i just can't. i'm sure it's just the weather. but it freaks me out. of course my mind automatically travels to the unknown. to the what ifs. and to the WHYS. i will never understand WHY cells start to morph and grow and decide to become what i call brain monsters. it will never make sense to me. oh how i long to have a perfect body. no more brain tumor. no more needle pokes. no more MRI's. and only one doctor. the Ultimate Physician. i can't wait for heaven. i will never have to worry. i will be healed, kate will be healed and Ian will already be there. i dream of walking hand in hand with the two of them and Jesus by our side.

i don't mean to sound so sad you guys. but this is reality. sometimes i just have bad days. sometimes i just sit and think "this really sucks!!" and sometimes i'm sick of sitting there with a smile saying "it's all good...God is in control." i do totally believe that. but sometimes the facade of "everything is going to be okay" becomes totally exhausting.

and today is one of those days.

brain tumors suck.

i'm worn out.

Blessed by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

i just wanna stay right here.

the first time i came here i was 11 months old. dad tells me i was extremely tiny and he carried me in a sling holding me tight to his chest as he walked up and down the carolina shore.

we came after a long year of trying to get me healthy. mom and dad needed a vacation and someone offered up a little beach house. little did they know that this island would be one of the most spectacular places in all the world. and that it would be "a tradition unlike any other." this place would be home.

anyone who knows me well has heard me speak of this place. perfectly named. this place is sunset beach. the last island in north carolina. it sits tucked between ocean isle and bird island. i have often tried to explain to people why i love it here. it brings peace. it brings joy. i have only the happiest of memories here. even when times were rough. as we would drive across the old swing bridge and take a deep breath of the salty air i instantly felt at home again. i believe this place is a little piece of heaven on earth. sent straight from the MAN himself. this place brings healing. it always has.

it is hard to explain to other people what i mean by this sometimes. i don't think my own family even completely understands how special sunset is to me. every perfect memory was captured in this place. it would be impossible to count them. it would be impossible to choose a favorite. it is hard to put it in words. but i wrote a little something that reminds me of my childhood.

[i'll be 23 in mid july
this place feels like it holds my life. 

i remember back when i was four. 
it was lightening bugs and boogie boards.
i remember days spent in the sand
collecting shells. holdin daddy's hand.

this place it knows me well. i just wanna stay right here in sunset's place

there were birthday parties and beach church
and mama in her bathing skirt
my brother surfin through the waves
and friends in chairs lined up for days

after fireworks and ice cream nights
we'd hunt for crabs with big flashlights
the older kids, well they ran free
but from the porch we watched,
us three, mama,daddy and me.

this place it knows me well. i just wanna stay right here in sunset's place

eleven years we'd been there now
the 5 of us in that beach house.
my sister got engaged one day
carolina shore, our favorite place.

a bridge that swung from high to low
and a little house tucked right below
might be the thing i'll miss the most
and the lightening storms the way they glowed.

there were tall sailboats and piermen with their fishin poles.
there was pancake mornings with uncles 
and trinket shops that barely stayed afloat.

this place it knows me well. i just wanna stay right here in sunset's place

this place it knows me well. i just wanna. well i just wanna stay right here in sunset's place.
i'll be 23 in mid july. 
this place feels like it holds my life.] 

and if you can't relate to that...perhaps pictures will do the trick.

so prepare to live through my childhood eyes for a moment.

happy to be at sunset 
buried RT

waiting to get over the bridge...holding up a tree

mom, grandma barb, little me

days spent in the waves with seth and andrew

how cute is this!?

just loungin around

when family and friends collide

i don't know what was happening...but our faces are cute!

mermaid shelby


a buried caleb

the best sissy 

this girl was my "friend of the day"

birthday present...i think the underwear makes the whole picture.

in my element

tradition:: bumper boats with dad

the cvca/church gang

love these people.

beach beauties

matching shirts

my crush on scott lasted my whole childhood 

so beautiful

shy baby


beautiful sissy

sandcastles with mama 

good old grandpa herman. miss him so much.

jordyn and devon


handstands with jonny v

the best 

"up on the roof" - james taylor

best brother ever. 

nail painting with daddy 

hamburger joe's ... a tradition unlike any other

the two of them.

he is the greatest 

the most handsome boy

caleb love him 

love her to death

car parties on the way to the creamery

crazy aunt julie


little man is the cutest. 

beautiful hero, sister, cousin and friend.
uncle richard...the favorite uncle...and best corn hole partner!


sweet girl


thank you Jesus for giving me an earthly father who shows me Your love. 

i hope you understand now. that sunset beach isn't just a place we go on vacation. sunset beach holds so much more. 

only 11 months. approximately 330 days  until i am back at my second home. but whose counting?! 

i love you guys

Blessed by a heavenly Daddy, 

Shelby Elyse