Well. here we go again...
it seems every time i think i know where the Lord is leading me i get stopped, and He shakes His pointer finger at me and says "no daughter, remember Shelby, I am in control!" so tonight i find more peace than last night. today was filled with sunshine, beautiful friends and a mostly relaxing night. tonight i will go to bed without feeling like my heart is in my belly but who knows how long the peace will last. i should probably elaborate for ya'll.
okay flashback. last thursday i went to an allergist/immunoloist, we wanted to see if i could get a treatment to boost my immune system for the winter months because of the hours i need to put in at children's and i just don't wanna get sick anymore.
so i sat down with him, discussed everything. we did an allergy test on my back. 28 pricks, nothing rose up, no allergies. shocking really. then i did a breathing test, we realized i have a little asthma and when i get sick it probably gets worse. they showed me how to use the inhaler with this awesome little attatchment thingy on it. the nurse was so nice. the doctor was too. he's young. he's a fresh out of medschool pediatric guy. i like him.
next he said he thought he should do some bloodwork to check my immunity and blood counts and all that jazz. so i walked to the lab. got 6 vials of blood drawn and left. and waited...expecting nothing.
monday at midnight. i get an email. saying my results are in. i look. my heart sunk. this can't be right my mind is saying. my levels were sooo low. it said i had "lymphocytopenia" basically low white count levels. my mind raced. i wanted to puke. not cool. tuesday came. no call. still waiting on a few tests. wednesday came. i called doc. he called back around 5:43pm to be exact. and we had the following conversation.
"shelby. you have what we call lymphocytopenia. your white counts are extremely low. your 't-cells' are VERY low. your 'b-cells' are okay. you are having problems either getting enough white blood cells or your body isnt producing them properly. your antibodies are okay in some areas, but when we put some virus and bacteria in like pneumonia the antibodies don't work. this isn't an emergency but it's not good, you need white cells to defend against things. you need more bloodwork this week, we'll watch the cultures for 7-10 days. then you will come in and we'll look at everything, decide the next plan of action. if they are still low, we will meet with hemotology and we will do a bone marrow biopsy to find out whats going on in your system. we are worried because at the end of november your counts were fine, so this is sudden. we will figure it out. we will find out whats wrong. okay?"
okay. i did well on the phone. he was so detailed. i didnt have questions. i breathed again. but i still am in panic mode. there still isnt an answer. i just dont have any answers. more bloodwork. more pokes. more worrying. more hospitals. i feel like it never ends.
last night i felt defeated. i texted my best friends. asking for prayer, talked to sissy and roo. mom and dad are better now that we have a game plan. but im sill confused. i went to bed at 10pm. if you know me you know that is literally shocking to you. but it happened. around midnight i heard mom come in, she layed in my bed and prayed for me. then just layed there. what a good mama. i fell asleep again. for 11 hours. wow. Jesus did that. He knew i needed rest!
so friends. please pray. the waiting of 7-10 days after tomorrows bloodwork is gunna be hard. i hate waiting. i told Jesus today that if he's trying to teach me patience i think i learned my lesson. haha :) but i will wait. wait for results. wait to see what is next. wait and wait. and wait for the glorious return of my Savior. that is worth waiting for.
my mind keeps going to a quote i heard a few weeks ago when i was a leader on a cvca retreat. jeremy said "impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles." i find hope in that statement. i know God can bring up my counts. i know He can, but whatever is His will is what I am praying for.
We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
i love you all.
blessed by a heavenly daddy,
Shelby Elyse Taylor