Tuesday, April 2, 2013

i'm only good at being young.

[ so scared of getting older...i'm only good at being young. ]
   - john mayer ( stop this train. )

maybe my favorite song lyric. ever.

maybe because it's exactly how i feel.

maybe it's how everyone feels...in some way.

i have found that growing up comes with fears. of the unexpected. and the expected.

i have found that it comes with the revealing that so much that i thought was true is not : : : people are not all nice and they will let you down. the easter bunny isn't real. the moon isn't made of cheese. grandpa did not walk up hill both ways to school. everything is not always gunna be okay, athough i wish it with all my heart. i can't do everything. and if you are in my backyard playing wiffle ball with daddy...there is crying in baseball. haha.

but if all of this isn't true. what is true? that is the scary part about growing up.

the unknown.

i am the baby of the family. by 7 years. and i love it. lets be real people. i am not meant to be a first born. i am fiesty and fierce. sassy and spunky. short and have a even shorter attention span. i was engineered to be the baby. obviously. i'm the baby of the taylor trio. i love that. my sister is my best friend and my brother is my hero. i love being the little sister.  but also the youngest cousin on both sides. trust me it has it's perks. ( like grandma still sending me money on every little occasion.) but it totally has it's downfalls. like being harassed at every holiday by all the cousins and uncles. about everything. another downfall is the inevitable "you aren't old enough." ((when i was little they had "cousins night out" and by the time i was old enough to go they just stopped it. what a coincidence!))

i am the typical youngest. i like to hang out with my parents. i still sleep with a blanket. and i still haven't moved out. i'm probably digging myself a hole. because none of these things seem too appealing. but... ... ...

i love being the youngest...don't get me wrong. i want to be a grown up. and be successful. and have a family and a great career. and do all those grown-up things. but i dont wanna get old. i want to stay young. kinda like peter pan.

i think getting old is different than growing up.

somedays i find that i am probably very fearful of what is to come healthwise. the future holds so many unknowns for me. we've been told my whole life by so many doctors "we're not sure." not sure of what will come. will my heart murmur get worse? can i have kids? will my tumor grow back? will my endocrine and lymphatic systems work well? these are all things we are so unsure about. and i assosciate them with getting old.

so i would just really like to stay young.

i'm really good at it. being young.

i bet you are too.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

 Shelby Elyse

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