i walk into a room and sit down for a meeting with a lady i've never met before. she is cold as ice. i start pouring out my heart and the reasons i want to be a child life specialist. she doesn't care. i begin to pray silently as she speaks. she tells me that "maybe you aren't supposed to work in a hospital. maybe you just like kids." i can't wrap my mind around it. why isn't she listening to me. i just dont understand. i tell her "no you are misunderstanding me. i'm supposed to do this." i leave with tears streaming down my face. i felt completely defeated. and i just say to God "i thought this was what You had planned for me. what now?"
and then it hits me. probably 20 people or more were praying for that meeting. so that was His answer. He has a different plan.
maybe i am supposed to do this but not right now. because why on earth would i want to be in a program with someone like that above me. this lady had no compassion towards me. she put me down, was not supportive, and my mind was blown. and if i'm being totally honest, this was an extrememly nice way of putting it all. so maybe this was God's way of saying "not now Shelby...just trust Me."
so here we are people. back to square one. i've talked with dad and mama for hours. called jordyn and seth. talked to my best friends. and sat on my bed and prayed and prayed and read through my devotionals and bible for the past 4 days. i know it doesn't seem long. but trust me it's been freaking long. i've sat and listened to worship music with tears in my eyes just asking God to lead me where He wants me.
He has made it very clear to me, and mom and dad, and a few others what the new plan is.
okay...since i'm A.D.D. we misewell throw in some random information::::
the past 4 days the titles of my devotions have been...
1. don't be so hard on yourself
2. do not resist or run from the difficulties of your life
3. thank me for your problems
4. trust me in the midst of the crucible
like okay God i am totally listening.
so heres the plan.
MAJOR CHANGE: literally
i will graduate (late) with a bachelors in child and family development and a culinary minor.
then i will (sometime in the undetermined future) go to grad school for child life.
but not at Akron...unless His plan changes again.
but for now this is the new plan.
i'm finding much peace in my decision.
[[i'm posting a song below that has gotten me through the past few days. the words are pure and lovely. listen.]]
i love you all. thanks for continuing to pray for me as i live out this beautiful battle of life.
Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,
p.s. May is pediatric brain tumor awareness month. & my MRI is next wednesday so please
be praying for no growth! & heres to hoping we go back to yearly scans.
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