"Aslan" said Lucy "You're bigger"
"that is because you are older little one." answered He
"not because You are?"
"I am not. but every year you grow, you will find me bigger."
- C.S. Lewis
the past weeks have been exhausting. emotionally and physically. doctor appointments. bloodwork. school and homework seem to have filled my time. and a mini trip to nyc which i will have to tell you all about. the Lord has been working in my heart so much though. He has given me strength to be brave, honest, and push through. I think monday i cried about everything for the first time in a long time. and if you know me. you are shocked. i always cry. but not lately. well i mean not until the last 36 hours. i've been crazy. haha. i think if we're being real here, i've just been stressed about a bunch of things, and it all hit me at once.
[ i get more bloodwork friday, mom is going with me, they think my platelets are having trouble working. like they are fine in numbers but the hemotologist told me monday that it is about quality not quanity. when he saw my legs and the number of bruises on them he literally said "oh my gosh." so we shall see. yesterday Jordyn said "i dont worry about you anymore, God has brought you through so much, if you need platelets we'll get you some platelets." i love her for this. i hadn't thought of it this way. i'm thankful for her positivity. ]
but then came yesterday. encouraging verse by encouraging verse filled my text message inbox. and some from friends who don't even know i've had a stressful last few weeks. a few phone calls from beautiful friends and my amazing sister brightened my afternoon. and then something i am still in shock about.
my cousin joshua sent me a message that read this. I had a dream last night about you. In the dream you were standing in front of a big wall. You looked at it and were sad. You said you knew par core, But you could not get to the top. Then I put you on my shoulders but you still could not climb over. So we sat with our backs too the wall frustrated. Then I looked up and and there was Aslan from Narnia. He walked up and stood about 5 feet from the wall. We walked towards him and he started talking to you and it sounded like growling to me. He then looked at the wall and you turned climbed on top of him and he and you walked through the wall. I'm not sure what's up but don't worry. Even if you feel your back is to the wall. Jesus will carry you through.
oh my goodness. as you can imagine. tears started streaming down my face. i'm telling you, i'm just in awe. God is just so neat. literally coolest dream i've ever been part of. i wish i was in it with him. after reading that i talked with mom and i'm just feeling so much peace. about everything. school. life. health. just like He has always done, the Lord is with me, and He is fighting for me. by the way. my cousin didn't even know i have been having a rough time when he had the dream!
i find that sometimes i am really good at pretending everything is all good all the time. but you know. sometimes life is rough. and sometimes you just gotta admit to it. and sometimes, you just gotta be brave. brave for me is hard most days. but this week i am choosing it. and choosing to trust.
s/o to my sista-frans for being so great the past few days. jordyn, jenna, nina, nikki, elly and eva ... don't know what i'd do without you. and mama, dad, seth & everyone praying.
please pray the bloodwork friday shows whats up. i find peace in knowing God is in control as usual. and like my beautiful and brilliant sissy said "He's brought you through everything else, you are going to be fine." AMEN and AMEN
i love you all.
BLESSED by a Heavenly Daddy,