23

i turn 23 tomorrow.

i'm not sure how i feel about this yet. i think 23 is a real smack in the face that i'm growing up. i mean 21 was pretty exciting and then taylor swift wrote a song about being 22 so i felt really cool for a year. and now well...23...it's just 23. nothing neat about it. i mean luckily lebron came back to cleveland and so that makes it pretty neat. but i feel like i'm not ready for this year. i don't know why.

i feel like i blinked and i am here.

somedays i feel like just yesterday my family and friends were throwing me birthday parties at the beach. those days are some of my best memories. cake. balloons. cheesecake brownies. presents and people galore. for a long time i thought we went to the beach because of my birthday. hey i mean it was totally not my fault. all my parents did my whole life was talk about how special i was. and what is more special than 30 people you love from ohio having a birthday party for you at your favorite place in the world?!
see...totally not my fault. i had a majority of my birthdays at the beach. there were ones that weren't spent there but it was rare.

somedays i feel like just yesterday my friends were at my house and we were doing things like going to dover lake water park and having dance parties in my living room to celebrate. i miss those days.

don't get me wrong. i am excited for my future. but john mayer put it best.
 [ SO SCARED OF GETTING OLDER. I'M ONLY GOOD AT BEING YOUNG. ]

as many of you know my entrance into this world was nothing short of dramatic. i mean what else would you expect from me? i was born around 30 weeks with a condition known as hydrops. the doctors told my parents that i wasn't going to live through the night and that they needed to name me so i wouldn't die without a name. they gave me a 10% chance of survival that hot day in july. but God had another plan for my life. and i am so thankful He did. "they" were very wrong. everytime they gave my parents bad new about my healing process He would step in and things would turn around again. just the other day i asked mama about the day i was born. as she recalled the story she told me that despite every statistic they were given she knew that the Lord was going to heal me. she said she never had a doubt.

it has been quite the journey since that day. but the Lord has remained faithful and i am thankful for his protection over my life. sometimes i am shocked i made it to 23. i know that sounds kind of morbid. but trust me people. there have been days where i had such a bad migraine or that i was so sick that i thought i wasn't going to make it. mama and daddy tell me they knew i was gunna defy all the odds all along. i am thankful for that.

so lets travel through the past 23 years in the form of pictures...i couldn't find every single birthday but i think i got around 20. i'm not exactly sure.

disclaimer...the first picture you will see is from the day i was born...it isn't pretty...but i think it was important to include it...because God was working even on that day when my life seemed like it was only going to last for a moment on this earth.

july 18th 1991.
named shelby elyse meaning "little rock" 

july 18th 1992

july 18th 1993

july 18th 1994

july 18th 1995

july 18th 1996

july 18th 1997
please note that i wore the same dress 2 years in a row.
this should have been the first clue that i had a growing problem!

july 18th 1998

july 18th 1999

july 18th 2000

july 18th 2001

july 18th 2002

2003 and 2004 are the missing years. i mean i wasn't missing. i just can't find pictures.

july 18th 2005
the summer after the brain surgery
thank you Jesus for this day

july 18th 2006

july 18th 2007

july 18th 2008

july 18th 2009

july 18th 2010

july 18th 2011

july 18th 2012

july 18th 2013

i am excited for the years to come.

i am hopeful for a future. 

i am thankful that the Lord has let me live such a beautiful life

i am praying i can continue to glorify Him 

thank you to everyone who has prayed for me from day 1. 

i love you guys.

BLESSED by a heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse Taylor

MAY

YOU GUYS. May was a fantastic month!

who doesn't love a little n'sync

It was Pediatric Brain Tumor Awareness Month which is freaking awesome in and of itself.
AND because of that...SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED! but you will have to keep reading!

but there was so much more.

so grab a cup of coffee & join me.

{ i always look forward to may. it is the time when school is out and the sunshine comes. there are family gatherings and times with friends. there is always bike rides and going to get ice cream late at night with my best friends. and somewhere around the middle of the month i end up at skip park swinging just like i did back when i was 5. may brings the sweet smells like fresh cut grass and beautiful potted flowers. you hear the birds really early and the crickets late at night. there are still rain storms but the sun keeps shining. may is just really a great month. no month is better than july. but may is pretty close. at least for this year. }

so as ren mccormack from footloose would say lets "jump back" to the beginning of may.

so the 1st of may led the way with the start of pediatric brain tumor month. if you know my story you know how close this is to my heart. for many reasons. i wrote some words on the profile picture that dad said wasn't his favorite a few months back and turned it black and white. he says now he understands the "art" of it. i told him that this month was serious and needed a serious picture. i think he was okay with it.

please Jesus!

umm also on may first i walked up to a girl in target and asked her something and she said "i don't work here." REAL LIFE. but you guys. she was wearing sneakers and a gray and red t-shirt. and khaki pants. and a lanyard. she totally looked like she worked there. then my response was "oh my gosh. i'm so sorry. i'm an idiot. happy spring!" HAPPY SPRING!? who am i? needless to say. that was embarassing. 

may 2nd was my friend andrea's bachelorette party. she is so precious to me. at the party we all went around and gave one memory we had of her, and one funny thing. i told of a day in march 2005. she was a young teenager and still barely knew me. but she showed up to the house one day a few weeks after my surgery and just sat with me. i was totally a grumpy person and barely said a word. but we just sat and colored. hardly anyone else did that who was a highschooler. but she did. and i will never forget it. that day was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

the third was the kentucky derby. we went down to my sister's to watch. i wanted uncle sigh to win. but california chrome took home the win. oh well. somehow i ended up sleeping the whole day. 

first mom caught me asleep after lunch

then i fell asleep with little man. 

poor kid  fell and this face was killing me.

shy baby 

the next week was filled with times with sweet friends. most of which i've known since i was 5. {those are the best kind people. believe me.} and a very special dinner with my daddy followed on that friday night.

on may 8th i saw one of my best friends get "pinned" for nursing. erin has worked so hard and i know she will be the best nurse. and a beautiful one too. if you don't know erin you should. she is filled with so much joy.

proud bulb

on may 9th i had a really nice dinner with my daddy. it consisted of laughter, life talk and lemon cheesecake for dessert. i am so thankful for his sense of humor, honesty and his character. he is one in a million. you can read about that HERE! CLICK THIS! 

this week was also the week my friend chad came home on leave from the air force. he has been in my life for 17 years and i am so thankful for him. and very proud of him too. 

so the next week not much happened...just life...keep reading people...something amazing happens toward the end of may!

but a few things happened before that. none of which are too amazing. just me informing you on things that don't really matter all that much. stay with me people::

well...my friend erin took an artsy picture of me one day on her porch swing during a storm.

AND i decided to dye my hair reddish/purple and chop it off for summer again...

making summer wishes

OKAY HERE WE GO!!!!

so lets flashback a little bit:: around the second week of May i got an email from the pediatric brain tumor foundation. i got a scholarship from them my freshman year of college and still keep in contact. the lady asked if they could run a story on me. after i danced around the kitchen in excitement i emailed her back and set up a phone call for the next day. 

i was so nervous. i always get nervous when i'm telling my story. because it's one of those things where i don't want it to come across like i'm totally fine: because i'm not. but i don't want it to seem like i'm the sickest kid in the world: because i'm not. and it's hard to convey that sometimes. i also wanted to make a point that my faith had gotten me through, as well as my family and friends. after a morning spent with butterflies in my stomach she finally called. the interview went smoothly. i had to answer so many questions. i was sitting on my friend erin's futon in her room. that is actually my futon. i mean. we gave it to her when she moved into her house. but it was in my basement for like 15 years. so anyways. i guess i was sitting on my futon. this doesn't matter. so interview over. and the lady said my story would be featured one day in may as a part of pediatric brain tumor month! 

THEN!

on May 23rd the story was posted with a picture of me. i yelled for mom and she stood in my doorway as i read.

this is what it said::

Meet today's Starlight, Shelby Elyse:

Shelby Elyse Taylor plans to become a child life specialist.

After all, she says, child life specialists helped her get through her brain tumor diagnosis in 2005.

“They are my favorite people and I wanted to become one of them,” says the college student.

Doctors diagnosed Shelby Elyse with an oligodendroglioma when she was 13. She says the diagnosis shocked her and she worried people would view her differently. But support from family and friends poured in. Her classmates sent daily get-well cards that lifted her spirits.

“Diagnosis isn’t the end,” Shelby Elyse says. “You need to fight for yourself.”

And she did just that. Nine years after her brain surgery, Shelby Elyse is 22 and her tumor is stable. She says she feels great, but does encounter migraines and becomes anxious before routine MRI scans.

“My prayer is that one day there’s a cure,” she says.

YOU GUYS! i mean how cool is that!? Mama T & the family were pretty excited. The post got so many likes and comments on the pediatric brain tumor website. I was so excited. And thankful my story got to be shared during such a special month. 

the end of may came quickly...

my beautiful friend erin craig married my brother from another mother josh one sunny day. so now she is a blatchford! crazy! 

precious

my dance partner in crime simina

a sunny afternoon was spent at sarah's vinyard sipping wine in the garden.

and on the last day of may i saw lady antebellum in concert with my mama.

life was good in may people. or as billy currington said at the concert::

God is great. beer is good. people are crazy.

P.S. my next MRI & doctor appt is on june 18th. if you could be praying for that i would be very thankful. i never know what the future holds. but i always know WHO holds it. but it would be really good if mr. tumor is just staying still. 

I love you all!

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

when i said i'd write a book one day...

when i said i'd write a book one day...

i figured it'd be my autobiography. i have bits and pieces typed up in word documents and written down in journals for it. i have beginnings of chapters, middles and ends, but when i sit down to compile and write the missing parts i never can do it.

i think it's because my story isn't finished yet. but one day i will write it all down. i promise you that. and if i don't have the chance i hope one of the beautiful people i love here on this earth will do it for me. one of the ones who knows me well. but i plan on being here.

when i said i'd write a book one day...

this is not what i had in mind. in fact. i'm still shocked the idea even came to my mind. but i truly believe it was an idea from God.

i have begun to write a children's book series. fairy-tale like chronices of kids who are sick, have been sick, or are now in heaven because they couldn't beat the sickness.

this may sound morbid to some, or you might be confused. or you might, like mama t, think "she is a genius."

i'm okay with all of these. but hear me out.

this is needed. when i got the idea one night i knew it had to be from the Lord. and then i sat and wished they already existed. i think they would have helped me a whole lot growing up. as the ideas began to flood my mind i started brain storming. everything i wrote i thought "i wish someone had told me this."

i wish my brother and sister had books to read about their baby sister being sick when i was born. i think that would have helped them. i wish i would have had a book about a heart murmur and why my heart beat funny. i wish i had one about the eye doctor and why i needed eye surgery after eye surgery and why my eyes still weren't perfect. i wish i had a fairytale book that told beautiful stories about kids like me, so i didn't feel so different. i wish i had one about needing shots to grow or needing blood drawn. i wish i had one about a kid just like me who had bronchitiis, pneumonia, strep, the flu, and every other sickness that has haunted me multiple times every year because of my bad immune system. i wish i had a story about a little girl who had the same genetic disorder i do. i wish i could have opened a book to a world where a princess beat a brain tumor. i wish i could have been read a story about a mini warrior who fought for her life and won. i wish i could have had a book about a brave pirate who had a horrible monster grow in his head to give to our precious friend ian. i wish that when i got diagnosis after diagnosis and the doctors were sitting there using huge words that a nice lady would have sat down next to me and handed me a storybook about a little kid, just like me going through the same stuff.

but that never happened. none of it ever happened. i wish it would have. i think i would have coped differently.

i've only recently been dealing with the after effects of all my health problems. the emotional and psychological parts of everything have caught up with me. just within the last 6 months or so. the anxiety attacks have set in and i am trying to figure out why. why has it begun now. i'm not sure. but i think a book series like this could impact little ones. maybe they won't feel so alone. because "amazing alexander has an angry appendix." and if he can get through it so can anyone. and if "courageous callie conquers cystic fibrosis" then maybe another kid will fight harder.

my hope is that a series of books like this will help the little ones deal with the psychological and emotional parts of being sick alongside the physical. so that they aren't having flashbacks to test after test when they were 9, when they are about to turn 23. because believe me, it is not fun.

i have pages and pages of brainstorming. everything from chicken pox to cancer to check ups to getting your teeth cleaned. the stories will all feature a tiny hero facing an ordeal. my dream is to have pj's and blankets and anything else needed for the hospital to go with the books. my dream is that any kid going through something will have a storybook friend they can relate to. my dream is for a 5 year old to say to her mom "if tallulah is brave enough to get her tonsils out, i can do it too!!!" i dream of this being way more than stories. i dream of this changing peoples lives.

there will be realistic stories too. there won't always be a "and then he got all better" at the end, because that isn't always the outcome. i have to be real. there will be a story about losing a parent. stories about coping with the loss of a friend and much more. i have no idea how many will be in the series. my ideas keep coming. i have a color palate in my brain and ideas of what i want the characters to look like. i have pages of illnesses and children's names. other things i want to produce to go along with the stories and much more. i might be small, but i don't dream small people. i dream huge.

i have a lot of writing to do. this summer will be spent watching children, taking online classes and writing as much as i can. i hope to find a literary agent within the next few months to get the ball rolling.

if you know anyone holla at yo girl.

please be praying for this new journey of mine. above anything else, my dream is that these stories will be filled with hope and joy and that God would be glorified.

as you know if you follow this blog i have no problem writing. but my writing is so autobiographical. this will be a new journey. i have to be careful to not just express my own emotions the whole time. i hope i can do this well. i hope this idea can come to life.

well. thanks for reading.

also. if this is your first time visiting the blog. like always. please feel free to go back and read parts of my journey. and pass it on.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy

Shelby Elyse Taylor