MAY

YOU GUYS. May was a fantastic month!

who doesn't love a little n'sync

It was Pediatric Brain Tumor Awareness Month which is freaking awesome in and of itself.
AND because of that...SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED! but you will have to keep reading!

but there was so much more.

so grab a cup of coffee & join me.

{ i always look forward to may. it is the time when school is out and the sunshine comes. there are family gatherings and times with friends. there is always bike rides and going to get ice cream late at night with my best friends. and somewhere around the middle of the month i end up at skip park swinging just like i did back when i was 5. may brings the sweet smells like fresh cut grass and beautiful potted flowers. you hear the birds really early and the crickets late at night. there are still rain storms but the sun keeps shining. may is just really a great month. no month is better than july. but may is pretty close. at least for this year. }

so as ren mccormack from footloose would say lets "jump back" to the beginning of may.

so the 1st of may led the way with the start of pediatric brain tumor month. if you know my story you know how close this is to my heart. for many reasons. i wrote some words on the profile picture that dad said wasn't his favorite a few months back and turned it black and white. he says now he understands the "art" of it. i told him that this month was serious and needed a serious picture. i think he was okay with it.

please Jesus!

umm also on may first i walked up to a girl in target and asked her something and she said "i don't work here." REAL LIFE. but you guys. she was wearing sneakers and a gray and red t-shirt. and khaki pants. and a lanyard. she totally looked like she worked there. then my response was "oh my gosh. i'm so sorry. i'm an idiot. happy spring!" HAPPY SPRING!? who am i? needless to say. that was embarassing. 

may 2nd was my friend andrea's bachelorette party. she is so precious to me. at the party we all went around and gave one memory we had of her, and one funny thing. i told of a day in march 2005. she was a young teenager and still barely knew me. but she showed up to the house one day a few weeks after my surgery and just sat with me. i was totally a grumpy person and barely said a word. but we just sat and colored. hardly anyone else did that who was a highschooler. but she did. and i will never forget it. that day was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

the third was the kentucky derby. we went down to my sister's to watch. i wanted uncle sigh to win. but california chrome took home the win. oh well. somehow i ended up sleeping the whole day. 

first mom caught me asleep after lunch

then i fell asleep with little man. 

poor kid  fell and this face was killing me.

shy baby 

the next week was filled with times with sweet friends. most of which i've known since i was 5. {those are the best kind people. believe me.} and a very special dinner with my daddy followed on that friday night.

on may 8th i saw one of my best friends get "pinned" for nursing. erin has worked so hard and i know she will be the best nurse. and a beautiful one too. if you don't know erin you should. she is filled with so much joy.

proud bulb

on may 9th i had a really nice dinner with my daddy. it consisted of laughter, life talk and lemon cheesecake for dessert. i am so thankful for his sense of humor, honesty and his character. he is one in a million. you can read about that HERE! CLICK THIS! 

this week was also the week my friend chad came home on leave from the air force. he has been in my life for 17 years and i am so thankful for him. and very proud of him too. 

so the next week not much happened...just life...keep reading people...something amazing happens toward the end of may!

but a few things happened before that. none of which are too amazing. just me informing you on things that don't really matter all that much. stay with me people::

well...my friend erin took an artsy picture of me one day on her porch swing during a storm.

AND i decided to dye my hair reddish/purple and chop it off for summer again...

making summer wishes

OKAY HERE WE GO!!!!

so lets flashback a little bit:: around the second week of May i got an email from the pediatric brain tumor foundation. i got a scholarship from them my freshman year of college and still keep in contact. the lady asked if they could run a story on me. after i danced around the kitchen in excitement i emailed her back and set up a phone call for the next day. 

i was so nervous. i always get nervous when i'm telling my story. because it's one of those things where i don't want it to come across like i'm totally fine: because i'm not. but i don't want it to seem like i'm the sickest kid in the world: because i'm not. and it's hard to convey that sometimes. i also wanted to make a point that my faith had gotten me through, as well as my family and friends. after a morning spent with butterflies in my stomach she finally called. the interview went smoothly. i had to answer so many questions. i was sitting on my friend erin's futon in her room. that is actually my futon. i mean. we gave it to her when she moved into her house. but it was in my basement for like 15 years. so anyways. i guess i was sitting on my futon. this doesn't matter. so interview over. and the lady said my story would be featured one day in may as a part of pediatric brain tumor month! 

THEN!

on May 23rd the story was posted with a picture of me. i yelled for mom and she stood in my doorway as i read.

this is what it said::

Meet today's Starlight, Shelby Elyse:

Shelby Elyse Taylor plans to become a child life specialist.

After all, she says, child life specialists helped her get through her brain tumor diagnosis in 2005.

“They are my favorite people and I wanted to become one of them,” says the college student.

Doctors diagnosed Shelby Elyse with an oligodendroglioma when she was 13. She says the diagnosis shocked her and she worried people would view her differently. But support from family and friends poured in. Her classmates sent daily get-well cards that lifted her spirits.

“Diagnosis isn’t the end,” Shelby Elyse says. “You need to fight for yourself.”

And she did just that. Nine years after her brain surgery, Shelby Elyse is 22 and her tumor is stable. She says she feels great, but does encounter migraines and becomes anxious before routine MRI scans.

“My prayer is that one day there’s a cure,” she says.

YOU GUYS! i mean how cool is that!? Mama T & the family were pretty excited. The post got so many likes and comments on the pediatric brain tumor website. I was so excited. And thankful my story got to be shared during such a special month. 

the end of may came quickly...

my beautiful friend erin craig married my brother from another mother josh one sunny day. so now she is a blatchford! crazy! 

precious

my dance partner in crime simina

a sunny afternoon was spent at sarah's vinyard sipping wine in the garden.

and on the last day of may i saw lady antebellum in concert with my mama.

life was good in may people. or as billy currington said at the concert::

God is great. beer is good. people are crazy.

P.S. my next MRI & doctor appt is on june 18th. if you could be praying for that i would be very thankful. i never know what the future holds. but i always know WHO holds it. but it would be really good if mr. tumor is just staying still. 

I love you all!

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy,

Shelby Elyse 

when i said i'd write a book one day...

when i said i'd write a book one day...

i figured it'd be my autobiography. i have bits and pieces typed up in word documents and written down in journals for it. i have beginnings of chapters, middles and ends, but when i sit down to compile and write the missing parts i never can do it.

i think it's because my story isn't finished yet. but one day i will write it all down. i promise you that. and if i don't have the chance i hope one of the beautiful people i love here on this earth will do it for me. one of the ones who knows me well. but i plan on being here.

when i said i'd write a book one day...

this is not what i had in mind. in fact. i'm still shocked the idea even came to my mind. but i truly believe it was an idea from God.

i have begun to write a children's book series. fairy-tale like chronices of kids who are sick, have been sick, or are now in heaven because they couldn't beat the sickness.

this may sound morbid to some, or you might be confused. or you might, like mama t, think "she is a genius."

i'm okay with all of these. but hear me out.

this is needed. when i got the idea one night i knew it had to be from the Lord. and then i sat and wished they already existed. i think they would have helped me a whole lot growing up. as the ideas began to flood my mind i started brain storming. everything i wrote i thought "i wish someone had told me this."

i wish my brother and sister had books to read about their baby sister being sick when i was born. i think that would have helped them. i wish i would have had a book about a heart murmur and why my heart beat funny. i wish i had one about the eye doctor and why i needed eye surgery after eye surgery and why my eyes still weren't perfect. i wish i had a fairytale book that told beautiful stories about kids like me, so i didn't feel so different. i wish i had one about needing shots to grow or needing blood drawn. i wish i had one about a kid just like me who had bronchitiis, pneumonia, strep, the flu, and every other sickness that has haunted me multiple times every year because of my bad immune system. i wish i had a story about a little girl who had the same genetic disorder i do. i wish i could have opened a book to a world where a princess beat a brain tumor. i wish i could have been read a story about a mini warrior who fought for her life and won. i wish i could have had a book about a brave pirate who had a horrible monster grow in his head to give to our precious friend ian. i wish that when i got diagnosis after diagnosis and the doctors were sitting there using huge words that a nice lady would have sat down next to me and handed me a storybook about a little kid, just like me going through the same stuff.

but that never happened. none of it ever happened. i wish it would have. i think i would have coped differently.

i've only recently been dealing with the after effects of all my health problems. the emotional and psychological parts of everything have caught up with me. just within the last 6 months or so. the anxiety attacks have set in and i am trying to figure out why. why has it begun now. i'm not sure. but i think a book series like this could impact little ones. maybe they won't feel so alone. because "amazing alexander has an angry appendix." and if he can get through it so can anyone. and if "courageous callie conquers cystic fibrosis" then maybe another kid will fight harder.

my hope is that a series of books like this will help the little ones deal with the psychological and emotional parts of being sick alongside the physical. so that they aren't having flashbacks to test after test when they were 9, when they are about to turn 23. because believe me, it is not fun.

i have pages and pages of brainstorming. everything from chicken pox to cancer to check ups to getting your teeth cleaned. the stories will all feature a tiny hero facing an ordeal. my dream is to have pj's and blankets and anything else needed for the hospital to go with the books. my dream is that any kid going through something will have a storybook friend they can relate to. my dream is for a 5 year old to say to her mom "if tallulah is brave enough to get her tonsils out, i can do it too!!!" i dream of this being way more than stories. i dream of this changing peoples lives.

there will be realistic stories too. there won't always be a "and then he got all better" at the end, because that isn't always the outcome. i have to be real. there will be a story about losing a parent. stories about coping with the loss of a friend and much more. i have no idea how many will be in the series. my ideas keep coming. i have a color palate in my brain and ideas of what i want the characters to look like. i have pages of illnesses and children's names. other things i want to produce to go along with the stories and much more. i might be small, but i don't dream small people. i dream huge.

i have a lot of writing to do. this summer will be spent watching children, taking online classes and writing as much as i can. i hope to find a literary agent within the next few months to get the ball rolling.

if you know anyone holla at yo girl.

please be praying for this new journey of mine. above anything else, my dream is that these stories will be filled with hope and joy and that God would be glorified.

as you know if you follow this blog i have no problem writing. but my writing is so autobiographical. this will be a new journey. i have to be careful to not just express my own emotions the whole time. i hope i can do this well. i hope this idea can come to life.

well. thanks for reading.

also. if this is your first time visiting the blog. like always. please feel free to go back and read parts of my journey. and pass it on.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy

Shelby Elyse Taylor

laughter. life talk and lemon cheesecake.

i skipped blogging in april. it wasn't that awesome and there is no use in just writing to write. i hope that is okay with you guys.

may is here now. the weather was chilly until two days ago. now it's been hott as can be. but i promised myself i wouldn't complain about the heat this summer because winter lasted longer than it ever should have. so i will wear sundresses and bask in the warmth. the past 2 days it hit 80. i'm thankful for sunshine. also. if you have a 5. 10. or 20 dollar bill you'd like to donate so i can get more sundresses i wouldn't be opposed.

i finished exams a few days ago. now the anxiety of waiting to see my grades has started in. i'm not a very patient person. i never have been. i worked my butt off this semester. i keep running through "worst case scenarios" in my head. but then i think theres no way my grades could ever be worse than they were in highschool so i think i'll be okay.

honesty is something that i really admire in people. if you lie to me, or someone i love, it takes a long long time for me to trust you again. so people. i want to be honest with you.

it has been an interesting few months. people tell me i'm in a weird stage of life. i agree. i'm not sure if i like this stage. actually i'm sure i don't like it. i'm learning a lot though. the past few weeks, and months have been really hard for me. i can't put my finger on it. i've just not felt myself. i won't go into detail but it is not fun. i think it's just the season of life i'm in. i literally sleep with my bible in my bed because i know i need to read it when i wake up and before i go to bed just to get me through. in april and most of march i stuck to journaling instead of blogging. then one april day i literally wrote a whole blog explaining everything in detail and then realized if i posted it you all would think i was absolutely nuts. so it got deleted as soon as i typed the last word. i think it was just therapeutic for me to write it down. it's not the first time i've deleted a blog post. i catch myself writing things to everyone often and then realizing i don't want everyone to know. i think that's one of the hard things about suffering and going through health journeys publically. while i am so thankful to have people who love and pray for me. sometimes its hard to know what to tell everyone and what not to tell anyone. but i'm learning.

also. if anyone was wondering. the bible verse about "do not be anxious about anything" IS FREAKING HARD TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU ARE ANXIOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING.

soo...back to may. currently it's may 10th and it's nearing 3am. i'm not even tired. last night i slept for 9 hours. it was the longest nights sleep i had in a few weeks. my "no nap rule" isn't working these days too well. but that's besides the point.

mama left for colorado thursday to spend time with uncle brad, aunt tracy, aunt kelly, grandma barb and grandpa joe. i was royally bummed out. i didn't want her to go. but i didn't tell her that. i just stayed in my room when she left. this season i'm in has me not wanting people i love far from me. it makes me anxious. i don't know why. i'm glad she gets to see them though. she called today and said she just had realized i could have gone becuase i'm done with school. i'm like "seriously though!" don't worry mom i'm over it. have fun! love you!

don't worry...it's about to get good. i'm really sorry if this has been a sad blog post. but hey this is real life people. i'm not gunna tell you i'm awesome if i'm not awesome. well. i mean i might have done that today a few times. but what am i gunna do tell the bag lady at giant eagle that i'm having a bad day? [who by the way has literally watched me grow up and she is so hilarious and today she said "oh sweetie your dress is so cute and you are such a beautiful young lady and i just remember when you were in overalls." hahahah i about died. THIS IS REAL LIFE ALSO PEOPLE! the bag lady at giant eagle remembers me at 5.]

so today i called dad and asked if he would go to dinner with me after i got done helping my lil sis eva get ready for prom and take pics. so i came home and we ventured out to kent. we knew it would take us forever to get parking. we decided it was worth it and we would go to ray's place. on the drive there we talked of days spent in kent. my old house. what my nursery looked like. he reminded me that it was his office and then i came along and kicked him out. he told me a wall was all books. i wasn't suprised. i have only seen pictures. i was 4 when we moved to stow so my memories don't exist in real life.

we finally found parking, and as we walked in daddy spoke of a day he remembered well. i was a freshman in college and had decided to go to dinner with my friend erin. i texted him to ask him where ray's place was and he said that in his mind he thought "oh no...she's going to ray's...she's growing up." i laughed and we walked in the doors. i remember that day too.

as we were seated in the booth we decided to turn off social media. unless mom texted of course. i flipped my phone over and our waitress showed up. dad still holding his doesn't say anything to her. i look at him and i'm like "dad seriously...put the phone down" at first he gave a mini speech about my generation and phones and how i was on mine in the car. to which i quickly defended with "i was instagramming" he just looked at me. within seconds he introduced us by name to her, asked her name and said sorry. her name was jessica.

we spent the next 2 hours laughing. and talking about life. he was pulling one liners out of no where like a magician pulls rabbits out of a hat. we talked about things that were bothing me, and things we wish were different but aren't. it was just really nice. he brings out a laugh in me that few other people do. it's like a giggle. but it's loud. well. i'm always loud. so maybe it's just my giggle.

 i'll be the first to admit that sometimes i really take my dad for granted. i get angry with him and slam doors and scream like i'm some actress. but really it's like straight out of a taylor swift music video some days. and i'll also be the first to admit that i am not the easiest kid ever. i've caused that man a ton of stress and he still loves me. just like Jesus. i also think that when you are hurting, you hurt people. and sadly, sometimes dad gets the "SHUTUP!" or the back door slammed when i walk in the house before him so he has to open it again. yes i do that. HEY I NEVER SAID I WAS PERFECT PEOPLE. i've been telling you for years that i'm sassy. and i'm passionate. i cry and scream and if i love you i really love you and if i don't like you i really don't like you and that is just how i am.

but daddy kinda is the same way. he is just passionate. he cries when he prays. i swear his picture is next to all the best words in the dictionary. i love him. he loves to find the good in everything. he is total optimist. literally just last week i was in the living room with mom and we made some joke about my brain tumor (this is normal) and he yells from the kitchen "you don't have a tumor anymore!!!" and i said "dad yes i do!" and he said "well it's so small now so not really" some may call this denial. some dreaming. i just call it typical dad.

but anyways. just sitting with him for 2 hours today made me feel better. yes i'm still going to need to deal with things that have been bothering me. but just for a while dad made it better. he's good at that. sometimes i just need to step back and let him be my dad for a minute. be reminded of how blessed i am to have him.

as our time was ending the waitress came with our bill and said "do you want dessert" we looked at eachother. he smiled and i said "what do you have?" WE NEVER GET DESSERT AT RESTAURANTS. partically because i am allergic to it. secondly because i'm full after 4 buffalo wings even though i ordered 12. but tonight. we got dessert.

we settled on 1 piece of lemon cheesecake. with 2 forks of course.

and we drove home under a setting sun and talking about our life 18 years ago in kent.

i love you daddy.

Blessed by a Heavenly Daddy

(WHO KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE GAVE ME RT)


Shelby Elyse Taylor