In Philippians 4 it says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." now this is much easier said than done...but i am sure trying my best to do as my Lord commanded! As i mentioned yesterday...the past few days have been some of the most exhausting of my life. Emotionally that is. So you see people, i have an older brother, and his name is Seth. Seth is 7 and 1/2 years older than me, and while some people may say the age gap is too far for us to have a great relationship, i say the age gap is the best thing that's ever happened to us. Seth is my best friend, the best brother that anybody could ever ask for, in a million years. So long story short, yesterday he flew to California to a soccer coaching job interview at California Baptist University...and he got the job. To me this is the ultimate definition of bittersweet.
I know the Lord has amazing plans for Seth, i can see them in action, and i can see that this next step in Seth's journey is 100% the right step in the right diretion for God's plan for him. Now some of you may be thinking. . . then what is the problem?
I do not believe there is a giant problem. . . it is more of a sadness. A sadness that i cannot explain. A sadness that when i think about my big brother, my best friend moving to California, my eyes well up with tears immediately and i have to think of something else to keep myself from having a breakdown. Now, if you dont have a big brother, this is probably harder to understand. And, if you don't know how me and Seth's relationship works, your not going to understand either. I realize that i am a drama queen 95% of my life. . . i know i take things over the top and some people find me ridiculous. But this news, this news was a little too much to handle. I knew in my heart that Sethy would get offered the job. . . but i never in a million years thought that the words i would hear next would be "i'm moving in 2 weeks." WHAT!? 2 WEEKS!!!!!! But that isn't enough time to say goodbye, that isn't enough time for me to cope with all of this. My mind needs time to adjust to new things. . . and 2 weeks is not a long enough time. During those 2 weeks im only gunna see him for 2 days!!! I was planning on going down and hanging out with him over my spring break...so no...this is NOT okay with me. This move is NOT okay. I just am gunna hve to move past it i guess and take hold of what i know is to be true, and that is that God is in control. Last night a wise friend said "Don't worry Shelbs, everything will turn out perfect." Well i sure hope he is right. . . because as of right now . . . i am in full panic mode. All i want to do is sit and cry.
Tonight Sethy asked me to come with him. To go to school out there and live with him. I would love nothing more than to do that. . . but i am not sure if mom and dad would go for it. . . i would even be willing to change my major and go into a whole new profession if it meant that i could go with Seth.
Well i am going to go to sleep now, i am a wreck clearly. Sorry i am CRAZY and emotional...hahaha
p.s. Please be praying for a girl i went to highschool with, her name is Chelsey and she was diagnosed with Leukemia today.